286



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It was the end of the school year,
and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist’s son handed her a gift.
She shook it, held it overhead, and said,
“I bet I know what it is. Flowers.”
“That’s right!” the boy said, “But, how did you know?”
“Oh, just a wild guess,” she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner’s daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said,
“I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets.”
“That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl.
“Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner.
The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking.
She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue.
“Is it wine?” she asked.
“No,” the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage.
“Is it champagne?” she asked.
“No,” the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more big taste before declaring,
“I give up, what is it?”
With great glee, the boy replied,
“It’s a puppy!”

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Tiger Woods

No more Tiger woods funny's..enough is enough

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Smile!!!!

Might have to buy some of these and hand them out to all those grumpy bastards

I meet almost every day

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A comely redhead was thrilled to have obtained a divorce

and dazzled by the skill and virtuosity of her lawyer,

not to mention his healthy income and good looks.

In fact, she realized, she had fallen head over heals in love with him,

even though he was a married man.

"Oh, Sam," she sobbed at the conclusion of the trial,

"isn't there some way we can be together, the way we were meant to be?"

Taking her by the shoulders,

Sam proceeded to scold her,

"Snatched drinks in grimy bars on the edge of town,

lying on the phone,

hurried meetings in sordid motels rooms -

is that really what you want for us?"

"No, no..." she sobbed, heartsick.

"Oh," said the lawyer.

"Well, it was just a suggestion."

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Silent Monks

thanks Liz Z

------------------------------------------------
Over at
Izismile.com. Daily news and sun stuff

they ran a series of photos taken by International Press Agencies
Here is a selection of some of the ones I liked

You can enlarge any of the above by clicking on the picture

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The kids and/or the grandchildren (OR THE ADULTS) will enjoy this on
Click on each of the reindeers once opened.

Click here: http://www.glenn.tapley.us/MC.swf


thanks Wayne W

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Well, do you??
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Tonsils removed

A young boy of four was going into hospital to have his tonsils removed.

He told his playmate I'll be gone for awhile I have to have surgery.

On the day he was admitted his mother asked if the doctor

would please circumcise the boy, since he's already going to be under anesthesia.

The boy woke up and was very sore "down there" there for several days.

About a week later he got to see his playmate again.

The playmate informed him that he, too,

was also going to have to have his tonsils out.

He asked the boy to tell him about the surgery.

The little boy replied,

"All I can tell you is your tonsils ain't where you think they are."

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Great dancers

Watch out the Rockettes



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What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.

2. They rarely listen to you.

3. They're totally unpredictable

.4. When you want to play, they want to be alone

.5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.

6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.

7. They're moody.

8. They leave hair everywhere

.CONCLUSION:

They're tiny women in little fur coats.

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A cowboy was going through the desert

no horse no water

he looked up and he seen an eskimo

he said to the eskimo

''could you help me I'm lost''

The eskimo said ''your bloody lost''

The Cowboys Tips For A long Life
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Don't interfere with something that ain't bothering you none.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Telling a man to git and making him do it are two entirely different propositions
When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or

to a person don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
If you're riding ahead of the herd,

take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still back there.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence,

try ordering somebody else's dog around.
And never, ever, spit against the wind.


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You got dat Bubba!!!

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY
[something a little bit different today]

I'm satisfied with just a cottage below

A little silver and a little gold

But in that city where the ransomed will shine

I want a gold one that's silver lined

Ive got a mansion just over the hilltop

In that bright land where we'll never grow old

And some day yonder we will never more wander

But walk on streets that are purest gold

Don't think me poor or deserted or lonely

I'm not discouraged Im heaven bound

I'm but a pilgrim in search of the city

I want a mansion, a harp and a crown

Ive got a mansion just over the hilltop

In that bright land where we'll never grow old

And some day yonder we will never more wander

But walk on streets that are purest gold


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Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.