551

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in some parts of the world its Fathers Day this weekend

not until September here in Australia

Power of Dad

Real Men

Ballad of the Green Beret   [1966]

Advice from TV Dads

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thanks Kitty L

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Thanks Wayne W

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I can't believe we made it

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There was once a newly ordained priest

 who joined the staff of a large, well-to-do parish. 

His boss, the senior priest, 

had been there for many years and was steeped in wisdom.

 The young priest was very full of himself, 

having taken a number of prizes for preaching in seminary. 

He was particularly proud of his efforts in the pulpit.

 Indeed, he said to his boss one day,

 "Father, there is not a subject in the world that I could, 

at the drop of a hat, find a Biblical text for and then be able to preach a sermon." 

The senior priest decided to put his young charge to the test. 

"Well, my boy," he said, 

"don't you be preparing any sermon for mass next Sunday.

 Instead, when you get into the pulpit you will find a sealed envelope 

that I will have put there.

 Inside the envelope there will be a single sheet of paper 

on which I will have written a one word topic

. I defy you to find any kind of text that will fit."

 The young priest looked forward to the test with relish.

 The day came. 

He ascended the stairs into the pulpit.

 His boss was squirming with anticipation. 

The young man opened the envelope, 

glanced at the sheet of paper on which was written the one word, 

"CONSTIPATION," 

and the young priest proclaimed: "

And Moses took the two tablets and went off down the mountain."

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Those Funny Animals

Cat doesn't want to get its feet wet

God made a Dog

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To catch the bullfrogs 

you need two long handled sportfishing nets.

And a good friend.

And a six pack of beer.

Wait for a warm night,

 spray on the bug spray and grab some

flash lights.

Bring along the cold six pack of beer in a bucket of

ice.

(My favorite pond keeper in Texas assures me that consuming

ice cold beer on a warm summer night helps one think

like a frog.)

Spotlight the frog and slowly position one net in front

of him and move the other net up behind him.

Bump him on the hind end and he ought to hop into

the first net.

Deposit frog in covered bucket.

Not the bucket you are keeping the beer in.

If you do that the frog will leap out when he contacts the cold beer cans.

This will cause a wild chase

through the begonias and will result in the frog getting back in

the pond...

which will call for more beer...

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Unusual Animal pictures

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Americas Got Talent

Travis Pratt  [incredible]

watch until the end

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Can you recognize these celebrities ??

A famous art collector is walking through the city

 when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk 

rom a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take.

 He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable,

 so he walks casually into the store 

and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The store owner replies 

"I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.

The collector says, 

"Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice.

 I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."

And the owner says 

"Sold," and hands over the cat.

The collector continues,

 "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. 

The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."

And the owner says, 

"Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer.

 So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

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Topical !!

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Here he is again

Rick Mercer

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It is a little known fact that before he became a famous movie star 

Yul Brynner had a job in a bank. 

He was responsible for processing loan applications,

and had a very strict boss. 

One unbreakable rule was that when Yul had an application ready for approval,

 he was to give it to an office boy to walk it down the hall to the Loan Processing Department 

- he was never to do this himself, 

but was to stay in his own office at all times.

 One day a very important man came in to set up a loan. 

This man was very impatient,

 and when Brynner could not find an office boy to take the paperwork to the loan department, 

the man insisted that Yul do it himself to save precious time.

 Brynner let himself be bullied into it, with some misgivings.

 As bad luck would have it, on his way down the hall he passed an open window, 

and a sudden breeze tore the papers out of his hand into the street below! 

He panicked when he realized he would have to tell his boss that the papers were lost! 

Very fearful of being fired, he confessed to his deed,

 but he was not fired. 

Instead his boss gave him an ultimatum. 

He said, "I will let this infraction go this one time.

 But in the future, Yul, never walk a loan!"

It was Harvest Sunday at a small village church in rural England,

 and the vicar had organized his annual harvest service, 

where people bring their home-grown plants and vegetables to the service. 

But this year was different. 

The local village cricket team had just won their league

 and the village was in a celebratory mood,

 so the vicar decided to do something special --

 he combined the normal harvest service with a cricket theme. 

On the day of the service the church was filled with flowers. 

People brought in their offerings of vegetables,

 and in the middle of the display was a cricket wicket:

 a strip of turf with a set of wooden stumps at each end. 

The parishioners laid their offerings on the wicket. 

Everything was fine until one lady went up to the front of the church with a bag of peas.

 The vicar turned her away.

 She returned to her seat, still clutching her peas.

 "What happened?" asked the lady in the next pew.

 She shrugged her shoulders and said, 

"There's no peas for the wicket."

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The last time I posted this video a lot of readers liked it

DAISY A DAY

He remembers the first time he met her 

He remembers the first thing she said

He remembers the first time he held her

And the night that she came to his bed

He remembers her sweet way of saying,

"Honey, has something gone wrong?"

He remembers the fun and the teasing 

And the reason he wrote her this song:

"I'll give you a daisy a day, dear

I'll give you a daisy a day

I'll love you until the rivers run still 

And the four winds we know blow away"

They would walk down the street in the evening 

And for years I would see them go by

And their love that was more than the clothes that they wore

Could be seen in the gleam in their eyes

As a kid, they would take me for candy 

And I'd love to go tagging along

We'd hold hands while we walked to the corner

And the old man would sing her his song

"I'll give you a daisy a day, dear

I'll give you a daisy a day

I'll love you until the rivers run still 

And the four winds we know blow away"

Now he walks down the street in the evening 

And he stops by the old candy store

And I somehow believe he's believing 

He's holding her hand like before

For he feels all her love walking with him 

And he smiles at the things she might say

Then the old man walks up to the hilltop 

And he gives her a daisy a day

"I'll give you a daisy a day, dear

I'll give you a daisy a day

I'll love you until the rivers run still 

And the four winds we know blow away"

you are my sunshine

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High Stakes Poker

Six retired Floridians play high stakes poker in the condo clubhouse.

A member of the group, Meiers, loses $5,000 on a single hand, 

clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, 

the other five finish playing the hand standing up.

Finkelstein looks around and asks, “So, who’s gonna’ tell his wife?”

They cut the cards, and Goldberg “wins” the duty.

 They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, 

not to make a bad situation any worse.

“Discreet? I’m the most discreet person you’ll ever meet.

 Discretion is my middle name,” he says. “Leave it to me.”

Goldberg goes over to the Meiers’ apartment 

and knocks on the door. 

Mrs. Meiers answers and asks what he wants.

Goldberg declares, “Your husband just lost $5,000 playing poker, 

and is afraid to come home.”

“Tell him to drop dead!” says the wife.

“Will do,” he says.

 thanks kitty L

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Meanwhile in Australia

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Athletes and Sportsmanship

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POSTERS

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enjoy your speeding

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Extreme Holidays

thanks Geoff C

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Misellaneous stuff

A man goes to visit his optometrist.

He complains, "Doc, I can't see things far away. 

What can you do to help?" 

The optometrist says 

"Follow me." and heads outside.

He points to the sun and asks the man,

 "Can you tell me what you see there?" 

The man replies,

 "That's the sun, of course!"

The optometrist then says,

 "How much farther do you want to see?!"

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"My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! 

What should I give him to cure it?"

 The doctor replies: 

 "Give him an opportunity to speak when he's awake! !

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Bad Haircut

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This weeks signs

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

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are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.