550

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Instant Kiwi

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For the Dog Lovers.....

 Thanks Liz Z

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Briillant Ballet

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Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome Italy.

 One has a Cross in front of him; 

the other one is holding the Star of David.

 Many people go by, look at both beggars, 

but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

 A priest comes by. 

He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross, 

but none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.

 Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says,

 "My poor fellow, don't you understand? 

This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. 

People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, 

especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross.

 In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite."

 The beggar behind the 'Star of David' listens to the priest,

 turns to the beggar with the Cross and says: 

"Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."

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Intriguing Science

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One Photoshop magician, 

one bus stop and lots of hidden cameras.

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Once upon a time, long, long ago there were two unique lions in the jungles of Africa.

 Both, it seems, had human-like qualities that made them claim territory,

 daring the other to cross over the line.

 Strange as it seems,

 the boundary between their turf was a well-traveled trail through the jungle.

 All day every day, both lions lay in the brush staring across the trail at their compatriot,

 daring him to cross into their territory. 

The local natives knew of this animal feud, 

but all this was unbeknown to African Jack,

 a well-known and must publicized guide who did not speak Lionese

 and was unfamiliar with the territory. 

While he was leading a safari through the jungle,

walking all day and cutting vines with their machetes,

 all this constant hacking brush had them worn to a frazzle.

 After seeing two or three of his safari drop from exhaustion,

African Jack decided to stop on the trail between these two lions

and camp for the night.

 After sitting up camp, eating, and getting his safari settled African Jack

 sat on a stump and began reading.

 While he was busily engaged in the printed page, the two lions

, simultaneously, pounced on African Jack and ate him on the spot. 

When the 6 o'clock news heard of the tragedy, they reported

 "African Jack killed this evening. 

The motive is unclear,

 but it is reported he was reading between the lions."

A man goes into a bar very thirsty.

 He sits down waiting for the bartender to see him. 

The man next to him calls for the bartender saying, 

"I'll have another Waterloo." 

The bartender gives him a tall ice cold drink,

 then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink.

 Wanting to try this new drink he says,

 "I'll have a Waterloo too."

 The bartender gives him a tall ice cold drink.

 He takes a big drink and says,

 "Hey! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!" 

The man next to him looks at the bartender and says,

 "Well, it is water. Right, Lou?

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America's got Talent

Anna Christine

skip to1.25

-----------------

Britain's got talent

The Zimmers

wait for it  it gets good

Thanks Ray S

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More Phun Phacts

Lotto Ads

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WELCOME TO THE 21ST CENTURY!              

*Our Phones ~ Wireless

Cooking ~ Fireless

*Cars ~ Keyless

*Food ~ Fatless

*Tires ~ Tubeless

*Dress ~ Sleeveless

*Youth ~ Jobless

*Leaders ~ Shameless

*Relationships ~ Meaningless

*Attitude ~ Careless               

*Babies ~ Fatherless

*Feelings ~ Heartless

*Education ~ Valueless

*Children ~ Mannerless

Everything is becoming LESS but still our hopes are Endless.

In fact we are ~ Speechless

And our The Present Administration is

CLUELESS !!/ CLASSLESS / AND USELESS!!!

Thanks Kitty L

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POSTERS

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My Favourite Canadian

Bizzare Border

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Published on May 10, 2013

Song 1: Parasol by Jonquil

Song 2: Comptine D'un Autre été L'après-midi by Yann Tiersen

From the British Film Institute http://www.bfi.org.uk/

Incredible colour footage of 1920s London shot by an early British pioneer of film named Claude Frisse-Greene, who made a series of travelogues using the colour process his father William - a noted cinematographer - was experimenting with. It's like a beautifully dusty old postcard you'd find in a junk store, but moving.

thanks Ray S

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A woman was having a medical problem with her husband's snoring. 

 She called the doctor one morning and asked him 

if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering."

"Well, there is one operation 

I can perform that will cure your husband,

 but it is really rather expensive. 

It will cost $1,000 down, and payments of $450 for 24 months,

 plus payments for extras."

"My goodness!" the woman exclaimed.

 "It sounds like leasing a new sports car!"

"Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"

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A couple of songs that I enjoy

Probably posted these before

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Turbulence at Meal Time

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Ikea

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Miscellaneous stuff

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A redhead accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. 

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

 "Your husband is suffering from a very serious disease brought on by stress," he informed her. 

"If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." 

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. 

Be pleasant, and make sure he's in a good mood.

 For lunch and dinner make him nutritious meals. 

There should be no dessert in the house. 

No chocolate. No fighting.

 Don't burden him with chores or discuss your problems with him,

 it will only make his stress worse

. And most importantly, make love with your husband whenever he wants it 

and be sure to satisfy his every whim even if this

 means doing things you wouldn't normally do.

 If you can do this for the next year or so, 

your husband should regain his health completely."

 On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had told her. 

She sighed sadly and replied, "You're going to die."

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Some funny ads

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This Weeks Signs

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surprise!!

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.