The day the music died
Don McLean American Pie
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated;
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has,
we would allbe driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (I just love this):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........ Twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have tobuy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows,shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would causeyour car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you wouldhave to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, wasreliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but wouldrun on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason what so ever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the doorhandle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learnhow to drive all over again because none of the controls wouldoperate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.thanks to Brian Webb from Northam
Ken Cockman is selling old lawnmowers
Do you experience intolerance?
An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day
He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.
He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes,
a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand
and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying,
"Hey old man, have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said,
"No,I never did dance. I just never wanted to."
A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said,
"Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector was hopping a round and everybody was laughing.
When the gunslinger fired his last bullet,
he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man reached up on the mule,
drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound.
The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet.
The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around
looking down both barrels of the shotgun.
The old man asked, "Did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said,
"No. But I've always wanted to."
The lessons from this story are:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old guys
thanks Jim King
Die Hardly Working
The Business of Death
What's for "Runch"
“Where there’s a Will, there’s a Wayne.”
Here’s a little something for you tennis fans.
Thanks Jonco 'Bits and Pieces"
CARTOON OF THE WEEK
One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed
What a Wonderful World
Peek a boo
Thanks Josie Jamieson
It will work every time