Phils Phun

105
Welcome to another episode
Back to the Thursday Blog and hopefully back to some normality
after the trip away

Stupid answers from contestants on Games shows

Wal-Mart announced that, sometime in 2008,
it will begin offering customers a new discount item -
Wal-Mart's own brand of wine.
The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California
to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-$5 range.
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to place a bottle of Wal-Mart brand
into their shopping carts, but
'there is a market for inexpensive wine,' said Kathy Micken
professor of marketing at University of Arkansas Bentonville.
'But the right name is important.'
Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name
for the Wal-Mart wine brand.
The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:
10. Chateau Traileur Parc
09. White Trashfindel
08. Big Red Gulp
07. World Championship Riesling
06. NASCARbernet
05. Chef Boyardeaux
04. Peanut Noir
03. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar
02. Grape Expectations
01. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either
white meat (possum) or red meat (squirrel).
P.S. Don't bother writing back that this is a hoax.
I know Possum is not a white meat

Today's Cartoons

HOW DID IT HAPPEN?"

the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.

"Well, doc, 25 years ago ..."

"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."

"Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm,

that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room.

She asked me if there was anything I wanted.

I said, "No, everything is fine."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"I'm sure," I said.

"Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know.

"I reckon not," I replied

."Excuse me," said the doctor,

"What does this story have to do with your leg?"

"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained,

"when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"

pinched from the Rotary Club of Corrigins Bulletin

Always wear a helmet

Flamingoes mating dance

Letter recently received at a problems page :

Dear Kathy,
My husband is a liar and a cheat.
He has cheated on me from the beginning, and,
when I confront him, he denies everything.
What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me.
It is so humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one.
All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and bullshit with his buddies,
while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me,
and even hints that I may be a lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed: Clueless

Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him.
Good grief, woman! You don't need him anymore!
You're a Senator from New York running for President of the United States.
Act like one.

Spider Elvis

Taken from Bits and Pieces

The lawyer and the chiropractor
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office.
Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders,
back, and neck.
The lawyer turns around.
"What the do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor,
and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer,
but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you

New sport for the upcoming Olympics
Drag Racing

One day, Chucky came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds.
He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before.
Curious and brave, he began to climb.
Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds,
and saw this rather large, homely woman lying here on a cloud.
She spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"
Chucky figured success had to be better than this,
so he continued climbing.
He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before.
She also spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"
Chucky saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb.
On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.
She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"
Chucky really liked his advantage now!
He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level,
he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.
"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered.
Chucky couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed got the best of him.
He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar.
Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him.
He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker-looking guy with tattoos.
The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Chucky.
Apprehensively, Chucky whispers,
"Who are you?"
The biker answers, "I'm Cess."

Its a Wonderful World