Phils Phun

141

Kawasaki Advert...funny

Changing Tyres

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A tourist from New York was hiking through the mountains of North Carolina

when he came upon the tiniest cabin he had ever seen in his life.

Intrigued, he went up and knocked on the door.

'Anybody home?', he asked.

'Yep,'came a kid's voice through the door.

'Is your father there?', asked the tourist.

'Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,' said the kid.

'Well, is your mother here?

No, she left before I got here,' said the kid.

'But,' protested the city slicker,'are you never together as a family?'

'Sure, but not here,' said the kid through the door.

'This is the outhouse!'

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Cartoons

A Small White Dot
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting

and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found,

the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class,

and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.

'It's a period,' he replied

.'I can see that,' said the teacher, 'but what is so exciting about a period?'

Darned if I know,' he said,

'but this morning my sister was missing one,

my mom fainted,

my dad had a heart attack,

and the boy next door joined the Navy.'

stolen from Shelleys Snippets
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Bear Back Riding

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer .

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up.

You swing left and the ball goes right.

The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks

Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.

If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it again."

A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ... neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme putt", you might wish to reconsider this game.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work , and both are expensive.

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

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Cool Transport

Violin bike

Lawn mower bike

The Flying squad

Pig bike

Jet bike

Limo bike

Featured Music Artist[s]

Johnny Cash

From "The Johnny Cash Show," May 13, 1970.

The second-season finale of his TV show,

Johnny brings his mom on stage to accompany him on the first song he ever sang in public,

as she did when he was 12 years old.

This land is your land

Johnny Cash and Burl Ives

World's fastest police car.....Lamboghini

Top Ten Russian Jokes

From "The Times online"
1) Three workers find themselves locked up, and they ask each other what they’re in for.

The first man says: “I was always ten minutes late to work, so I was accused of sabotage.”

The second man says: “I was always ten minutes early to work, so I was accused of espionage.” The third man says: “I always got to work on time, so I was accused of having a Western watch.”

2) An old man is dying in his hovel on the steppes.

There is a menacing banging on the door.

‘Whose there?’ the old man asks.

‘Death ‘comes the reply.

‘Thank God for that,’ he says, ‘I thought it was the KGB.’

3)Pravda announced that it welcomed letters to the editor.

All correspondents were required to include their full name, address and next of kin.

4) Q. "Why do the KGB operate in groups of three?"

A. "One can read, one can write and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals."

5) Leonid Brezhnev pays a state visit to France and he's given a VIP guided tour of Paris.

He's conducted round the splendours of the Élysée Palace,

but remains as stony-faced as ever.

He's shown the masterpieces of the Louvre, but the curators fail to get any reaction out of him. He's taken to the Arc de Triomphe, but displays not the slightest interest.

Eventually, the official motorcade drives him to the foot of the Eiffel Tower,

where Brezhnev finally stares up in amazement and astonishment.

He turns to his French hosts and asks in bewilderment:

"But, Paris is a city of 9 million people... surely you need more than one watchtower?"

(first heard by me in the Brezhnev era)

6) Stalin decides to go out one day and see what it's really like for the workers,

so he puts on a disguise and sneaks out of the Kremlin.

After a while he wanders into a cinema.

When the film has finished, the Soviet Anthem plays

and a huge picture of Stalin appears on the screen.

Everyone stands up and begins singing, except Stalin, who smugly remains seated.

A minute later a man behind him leans forwards and whispers in his ear:

"Listen Comrade, we all feel exactly the same way you do,

but trust me, it's a lot safer if you just stand up."

7) A man saves up his ruples and is finally able to buy a car in Soviet Russia.

After he pays his money the he is told he will have his car in three years.

"Three years!" he asks

"What month?"

"August"

"August? What day in August?" He asks

"The Second of August" is the reply

"Morning or Afternoon?"

"Afternoon. Why do you need to know?"

"The plumber is coming in the morning."

8) Why do ex-Stasi officers make the best Berlin taxi drivers?

Because you only need to tell them your name and they'll already know where you live!

9) Moscow in the 1970s.

Deepest winter.

A rumour spreads through the city that meat will be available for sale the next day at Butcher's Shop no. 1.
Tens of thousands turn up on the eve of the event:

wrapped up against the cold, carrying stools, vodka, and chessboards,

they form an orderly queue.
At 3 am the butcher comes out and says,

"Comrades, I've just had a call from the Party Central Committee:

it turns out there won't be enough meat for everyone,

so the Jews in the queue should go home."
The Jews obediently leave the queue.

The rest continue to wait.
At 7 am, the butcher comes out again:

"Comrades, I've just had another call from Central Committee.

It turns out there will be no meat at all, so you should all go home."
The crowd disperses, grumbling all the while:

"Those bloody Jews get all the luck!"

10) A KGB officer is walking in the park and he sees and old Jewish man reading a book.

The KGB says "What are you reading old man?"

The old man says "I am trying to teach myself Hebrew."

KGB says "Why are you trying to learn Hebrew? It takes years to get a visa for Israel.