Sunday, October 19, 2008


Johnny the Bagger
Will you be a Johnny today??
"Never mind, maybe next year"

Please don't take my teddy!

Me and my Mate

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Has Incredible Pictures of the World, Animals, the World
and lots more
The Cure
A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all kinds of mysterious ailments -- lack of sleep, no drive, very little appetite, nervous, etc.
After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing physically wrong
and suspects the man is suffering from depression.
The two had been friends for many years,
so the doctor did not hesitate to ask the man about his personal life.
"Well, if you must know," said the patient,
"I cannot stand my wife. She's made my life unbearable.
I fantasize all the time about killing that damn witch.
In fact, if you are truly my friend, you'll give me some kind of untraceable poison to give her,
so I may end my misery."
The doctor explained that not only was that illegal,
it would in fact, violate his oath to save lives.
He said, "Besides, you'll get life in prison yourself, at best.
I'll tell ya what though, I can give you this powerful aphrodisiac to slip into her coffee.
You can then 'love her to death'.
No jury in the world is going to convict a man for loving his wife too much.
She'll be gone in a month at best."
The man blessed the doctor,
went home and started putting the love elixir in his wife's coffee the very next morning.
Three weeks later, the doctor hasn't heard a word from his friend,
and becomes concerned.
After office hours, he stops by his friend's house to see if all is well.
He finds his friend sitting on the sun deck,
wrapped in a blanket, even though it's a warm Spring day.
The man's face was gaunt and pale, he'd lost Lord knows how much weight,
and looked terrible.
The doctor asked, "What the heck happened???
"The man said, "I followed your advice to the letter.
That woman and I made love like a pair of crazed rabbits, day and nite."
Then, he chuckled, causing a terrible wheeze.
Just then the wife appeared from inside the house.
All slim and trim and dressed in tennis clothes; smiling,
she said she was off for a few sets of tennis.
As she leaped into her new sports car, her husband cackled and said to the doctor,
"Look at that dumb crazy bitch.
She hasn't a lick of sense.
If she only knew she has less than a week to live she wouldn't be so darned frisky."
stolen from Comedy Plus
Can he do it???

My Granma is a swinger!!!!

At the Olympics training ground a journalist
walked up to a man who was carrying a long pole.
He said to him ''are you a pole vaulter''
'' no I am German
and how did you know my name was Walter''

The amazing Australian Lyrebird
You’ll meet an amazing bird in this video.
Some birds sing majestic and beautiful songs.
Some just have ear-splitting squawks.
The Lyrebird’s song is something else entirely.
In this video, David Attenborough tracks down one of these unusual birds.
The Lyrebird can easily mimic other birds’ calls.
More than that, it can mimic nearly any sound it hears.
You’ll be floored by what comes out of his bird’s beak.
At first you won’t believe your ears.
But it’s all real!

stolen from Big Shot Bob in Texas
There was this man in a mental hospital.
All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen.
The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day.
So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to,
so he put his ear up to the wall and listened.
He heard nothing.
So he turned to the mental patient and said,
"I don't hear anything."
The mental patient said,
"Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"
Do tou get Double time for this????

Here is a addictive Game you can try
I got 840
That should be easy to beat


Three cowboys were sitting in a bar discussing women.
"I think Southern Women are the prettiest," one of them said.
"I think Southern women are the toughest," said another.
The third said, "I think they're the most polite.
That's why they don't like group sex."
His friends looked at him, confused.
"They don't like group sex?"
"Nope, too many thank-you notes to write."

A barman looks out the window of his bar and sees a guy riding a horse
dressed in a hunting outfit with a rifle over one arm and a hound running along beside him.
He dismounts and comes walking into the bar
where upon he takes the rifle off his shoulder and starts wandering around
with his dog sniffing ever table, chair and small corner of the bar.
After a while he approaches the barman who asks him what he's doing.
And the guy replies - "I'm hunting you idiot... can't you see that!"
"OK, OK..." says the barman, "Would you like a drink while you hunt ?".
Immediately the hunter says,
" Do you have any cheap Gin !!?".
Rather taken a back by the abruptness of his request the barman replies,
"No I'm sorry I'm all out of the cheap stuff is there anything else you'd like ? ".
"No" says the hunter and he starts to leave.
As he reaches the door the barman calls after him,
"By the way pal... exactly what do you hunt?"
" I hunt for cheap gin you bumbling idiot!
Couldn't you tell that -
I'm a BarGIN Hunter!"

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Some more Ukuele music...Listen carefully, very funny
Ukuele Orchestra of Great Britain.....Shaft

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Men are like ... newborn babies. They're cute at first, but you get tired of picking up their crap.
Men are like ... computers. Hard to figure out and never enough memory.
Men are like ... coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like ... chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like ... power tools. They make a lot of noise, but it's hard to get them to work.
Men are like ... remote controls. Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.
Men are like .... shag carpets. Soft, fuzzy and extremely easy to walk on.
Men are like ... vacuum cleaners. They're not much fun, but at least you get to push them around.
Men are like ... road kill. They usually just lie around until they start to smell.
Men are like ... soap operas. They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.
Men are like ... pillows. Eventually, even the best ones get soft and lumpy.
Men are like ... old car tires. Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.
Men are like ... plastic wrap Cheap. Clingy. and very easy to see through.
Men are like ... horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like .. cement. After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
Men are like ... plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.


I think this is a shotgun weddding...Redneck style

My mate is addicted to brake fluid.But he reckons he can stop at any time.
Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control have all been born

Fish for supper


Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I like it when someone steals something from my site. Well, you can't actually steal anything, because I don't care if folks take stuff. Have a great day. :)

Phils Phun said...

G'day Sandee
If you keep posting great jokes like that, then Iwill keep stealing them
Cheers from down under