Phils Phun

186

Saw this video on Florida 5708

If this doesn't make you burst out and laugh

Then alas ,I feel sory for you

The woman laughing whilst filming is a hoot

It is titled Wild Women of Whiippoorwill

Which according to you tube is in North Carolina

Enjoy

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The family of tomatoes
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day

when the little baby tomato started lagging behind.

The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato,

stomps on her,

squashing her into a red paste

, and says, "Ketchup!"

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Battle of the sexes

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower,

'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

___________________

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'

_______________
Men are like a pack of cards, you need a heart to love them,

a diamond to marry them,

a club to batter them,

and a spade to bury them.

___________________

Her boyfriend is so stupid, when they were handing out brains he thought they said trains, so he asked for a slow one.

_____________________

My boyfriend is so fat, when they were handing out chins he thought then said gins, so he asked for a double.

________________________

My boyfriend only has two faults - everything he says and everything he does!

__________________________

Yeah, my boyfriend and I just split up.

I finally faced the fact that we're incompatible.

I'm a Virgo and he's an asshole."
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Billboard brews up a storm in New Zealand
A beer billboard that offended many Christian groups in Hamilton

is coming down almost as quickly as it went up.

The Tui billboards read:

"Let's take a moment this Christmas to think about Christ. Yeah right."

Its message has received mixed reviews from Christians across the country.

In Christchurch, one Catholic bishop said the ad was "great"

and helped remind people about the meaning of Christmas,

and a Methodist Church of New Zealand spokesman said the billboard made a good point.

But, in Hamilton,

the joke was lost on Father Frank Eggleton,

parish priest of the Cathedral of the Blessed Virgin Mary,

who labelled the provocative billboard "appalling"

and said it demeaned the holiness and meaning of Christmas.

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kiwi joke
Kiwi And An Aussie
A Kiwi and an Aussie were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.
After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi,

"If I was to sneak over to your house and shag your wife while you were off fishing,

and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
"The Kiwi crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head,

and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.

Finally, he says,

"Well, I don't know about being related, but it would make us even."

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Cartoons

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Two caged canaries
Once upon a time there were two canaries in a cage.

Naturally, one was male and the other female.

After many months, the male decided to meet the female.

So he scooted over to her side of the cage and said,

"Since we're in this together, why don't I move over to your side of the cage!"

The female canary replied, "No, thanks!!"

So he went back to his side but found he could stay there no longer.

Once again, he moved to her side of the cage.

This time he asked, "I am sorry I was to forward the first time.

Why don't we get to know each other first."

To which she replied again, "No, thanks!"

Resigning himself to return to his side of the cage,

he languished about for a bit then made one final effort.

He went halfway across the cage and stated,

"Well, could we at least talk?"

This time she replied,

"Oh, I am so sorry I have been so mean.

You see I just learned I have a canarial disease called,

"Chirpies" and I hear it is untweetable."

Catastrophy
Research carried out at Glasgow University suggests that cats

are getting arthritis at an earlier age.

The reasons given are a bad diet and not enough exercise.
But what could the feline fatties be doing different from thirty years ago?

Well, according to the research,

the main factor is shopping.

No longer are pussies promenading to the local corner shop

for their Whiskas or Kit-e-Kat

instead they are going to Catzda in the catmobile once a week.

Not only is this resulting in no exercise for cat,

local shops are feeling the pinch too,

due to the decline in cat consumers.
Things are so bad you have got to call the Fire Brigade to put a cat up a tree.
The kittens are even worse they just lie in their basket all day

communicating on their catops and moggiebilephones.
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Pun Toons

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A Moslem has died and arrives in Heaven-
He is very excited as,

all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven,

he meets a man with a beard.
'Are you Mohammed?' he asks
'No, my son. I am Peter.

Mohammed is higher up'
And he points him to a ladder that rises into the clouds
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter,

he climbed the ladder in great strides.
He meets another bearded man.
Full of hope, he asks again,

'Are you Mohammed?'
'No, I am Jesus.

Mohammed is higher up still'
Mohammed higher than Jesus!

The poor man can hardly contain his delight

and climbs and climbs, ever higher.
Once again, he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:
'Are you Mohammed?'
'No, I am Moses.

Mohammed is higher still'
Exhausted but with heart full of joy,

he continues to climb the ladder and,

yet again, he meets a man with a beard.
'Are you Mohammed?' he gasps,

as he is by now totally out of breath from all his climbing.
'No, my son. I am God.

But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?'
'Yes please, my Lord'
God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out:
'Mohammed, two coffees please'*

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