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There once was a rich man who was dying.
There once was a rich man who was dying.
While on his death bed, he tried to negotiate with God to have God
allow him to bring his earthly treasures with him to heaven.
"God, please, I have worked so hard to accumulate all these riches.
"God, please, I have worked so hard to accumulate all these riches.
Can't I bring them along?"
"This is very unusual," said God, "but since you have been such a faithful steward,
"This is very unusual," said God, "but since you have been such a faithful steward,
I will allow you to bring one suitcase."
The man immediately had a servant fill a large suitcase with gold bricks.
Shortly thereafter, he died.
Shortly thereafter, he died.
When he arrived at the pearly gates, he was stopped by St. Peter.
"I'm sorry sir, but you know the rule -- 'you can't take it with you.'
You may enter, but the suitcase has to stay outside."
"But God told me I could bring one suitcase," the man protested.
"Well, if God says it's okay -- but I still need to examine the contents before you enter."
St. Peter took the suitcase from the man, opened it,
"But God told me I could bring one suitcase," the man protested.
"Well, if God says it's okay -- but I still need to examine the contents before you enter."
St. Peter took the suitcase from the man, opened it,
and, looking very puzzled, said to the man,
"You brought pavement?"
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Cool and Colourful
Oh!...What a feeling
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She decided to get his attention.
"Johnny," she said,
"If the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I?"
Thirty-four," Johnny answered unhesitatingly.
The teacher replied "Well, that's not far from my actual age.
Tell me...how did you guess?"
Oh, there's nothing to it," Johnny said.
"My big sister is seventeen and she's only half-crazy."
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Double click on the Earth's image to view an amazing slide show
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Cartoons...............Men
HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Neither does any dishes.
7. Both fart shamelessly.
8. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
9. Both like dominance games.
10.Both are suspicious of the postman.
11.Neither understands what you see in cats.
The local fire department got a call that a flock of geese were stuck in a frozen lake.
So a rescue team crawled out onto the ice, pushing a boar and ice-breaking tools.
They got within three yards- and the flock flew off.
The men were left staring at open water.
“So how’d it go?” someone back at the station asked.
“Wild goose chase” was the reply.
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“So how’d it go?” someone back at the station asked.
“Wild goose chase” was the reply.
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"Religion?"
"Methodist," the man says.
St. Peter looks down his list, and says,
"Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of Heaven.
"Religion?"
"Baptist."
"Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates.
"Religion?"
"Jewish."
"Go to Room 11, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."
The man says,
"I can understand there being Different rooms for different religions,
but why must we all be quiet when we pass Room 8?"
"Well, the Catholics are in Room 8," St. Peter replies,
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Signs
ODD SIGNS
At a Music Store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner.
At a number of US military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.
At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.
At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.
At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents?
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place.
At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill.
However, if you don't, you will be.
Roy Orbison......Unchained Melody
What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?
Well, the outcome is dependent on your cultural proclivities:
The Italian throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of rage.
The German carefully washes the cup, sterilizes it and makes a new cup of coffee.
The Frenchman takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
The Chinese eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
The Russian drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.
The Israeli sells the coffee to the Frenchman,
sells the fly to the Chinese,
sells the cup to the Italian,
drinks a cup of tea,
and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.
Ah, but what does the Palestinian do with his fly infested coffee?
I thought you'd never ask
.The Palestinian blames the Israeli for the fly falling into his coffee,
protests the act of aggression to the UN,
takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee,
uses the money to purchase explosives
and then blows up the coffee house
where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German
and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli
that he should give away his cup of tea to the Palestinian.
Note: the war weary Israeli was wearing full body armor,
so he lived to tell us this tale.
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Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
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Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.
6 comments:
The ATM cartoon would be funny if it weren't so close to accurate.
When will they ever learn?
Bwahahahahahaha. You brought pavement? Bwahahahahahaha.
Have a terrific day Phil. :)
Hi Dad,
I love How dogs and men are the same and the You want a dog cartoon.
Zina.
:)
G'day Jack
Thanks for dropping by
Ithought that cartoon went straight for throat, and was funnt because its what everyone thinks
Cheers
G'day Sandee
Thought you might like that one.Happy boating and happy blogging
Always great to hear from you
Regards
Hi Zina
How long have you been married? And already you find these funny!!!
As long as it made you smile, that all that matters
Dad
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