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It's the birthday of Elvis Presley, born in Tupelo, Mississippi (1935).
When he was 18, working as a truck driver, he wanted to give his mom a gift,

so he stopped by the Memphis Recording Service,

where you could record your own songs for a small fee.
He had four dollars, and with that money he was able to record two songs:

"My Happiness" and "That's When Your Heartaches Begin."

Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper...Elvis is everywhere

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stolen from Bits and Pieces

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A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation.

She's laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her.

The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre,

where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside,

while she goes in to check whether everything is ready.

A young man wearing a white coat approaches,

lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body.

He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat.

The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations.

When a third man does the same thing, but more closely,

she grows impatient and says:

"All these examinations are fine and appreciated,

but when are you going to start the operation?"

The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders:

"I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."

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A couple of Phunny Punny's

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The Handbag

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stolen from Sandee @Comedy Plus

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Observant kid

One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter

and beeped his car horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

He said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, daddy."

He replied, "How'd you know?"

The girl said,

"Because you didn't say 'ASSHOLE!' afterwards!"

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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windshield.
It said 'Parking Fine.'
So that was nice.
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Cartoons........Teenagers

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Men like big closets as well

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Copy cat

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A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian.

Above the old Indian was a sign that read, -$5.00 -

If I can't tell you where you're from, I'll pay you $50.00!"

The young man watched a cowboy approach the Indian and ask,

"Is the sign right?"

The Indian says, "Yes."The cowboy hands him a five and says, "You're on!"

The Indian looks the cowboy up and down, noticing some cow dung on his boots

and flatly states, "you're from Wyoming."

The cowboy shakes his head and says, "I'll be darned! You're right!" and strolls away.

A second cowboy approaches the Indian and goes through the same routine.

Handing him the fiver, he stands and watches as the Indian looks him up and down

and notices a bit of straw and cow dung on his boots.

The Indian says, "you're from Montana!"

The cowboy, dejected as all get out, walks away.

The young man decides he's going to give the Indian a run for the money.

He goes into the men's room, takes his boots off, scrubs them up, dries them off,

puts on a coat of polish and approaches the Indian.

He hands the Indian a five dollar bill and says, "do your stuff!"

The Indian looks and looks, up and down, and appears to be befuddled.

The young man is now thinking he's gone one up on the Indian.

The Indian says, "You're from New Zealand!"

The young man gets really upset and can't for the life of him figure out

how the Indian could know that, so he asks,

"How in the world did you know I'm from New Zealand?"

The Indian replies, "By the wool in your zipper."
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One morning a man comes into the church on crutches.

He stops in front of the holy water and splashes some of it on both of his legs,

then throws away his crutches.

An altar boy witnessed the scene and runs into the rectory

to tell the priest what he'd just seen

.Without batting an eye, the priest says,

"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man?"

"Flat on his ass, Father, over by the holy water."

The time is when Fridays were fish days.

A Protestant minister moved into a Roman Catholics community.

Every Friday he could be seen cooking steaks etc .

Finally the people approached him and asked him to change to the Catholic Faith.

He agreed to do this and after a while the Bishop anointed him with Holy water,

sprinkling him three times and saying

" In the name of the Father, the Son and the holy Ghost you are now a Catholic."

The next Friday the man was outside Barbecuing a roast of beef .

the people protested to him, so he got some water,

blessed it, and sprinkled it on the meat saying

" In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost you are now fish"

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Balloons

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Music

Roy Orbison...Here comes the rain Baby

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Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.