220
Its been one of those weeks
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Public Service Message
WATER......
It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day,
at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo
of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other words,
We are consuming 1 kilo of poop!
However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine
(or rum, whiskey, Vodka, beer or other liquors)
because alcohol has to go through a Distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.
It is better to drink wine and talk sh*t than to drink water and be full Of sh*t.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information,
I am doing this as a public service.
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Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in China and the place is packed tothe rafters.
In a bid to break the ice, he asks if anyone has a request.
One chap jumps out of his seat in the 1st. Row and shouts at the top of hisvoice,
"play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"
Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in stevies career,
theblind impresario starts to play an e minor scale
and then goes into adifficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.
When he finishes, the wholeplace goes wild.
The chap jumps out his seat again and shouts,
"no. No. Play a jazz chord!Play a jazz chord!"
Stevie is a bit cheesed off with this, but being the professional that he is,
dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the b minor chord
and really tears the place apart with this impromptu show of his expertise.
The crowd goes ballistic, but still the little chinese man jumps up againand shouts,
"no. No. Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"
Stevie is really pissed off now that this chap doesn't seem to appreciate his ability,
and shouts from the stage,
"ok, smart arse. You get up here and do it!"
The little bloke climbs up on the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing,
"a jazz chord, to say, i ruv you
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The scientific method
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
Fascinated by the waves,
the physicist wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves,
so he walked into the ocean ... and never returned.
The biologist wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean,
and so he too walked into the ocean ... and never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time.
Afterwards, he wrote into his lab book the observation:
"This sample of physicists and biologists was soluble in ocean water."
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Plug that leak!!!!!!
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CARTOONS.....Men
AL QAIDA
INTERNAL MEMORANDUM
To all Jihadists,
Subject: The Cave (do not distribute outside the Organization)
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles,
Second, it's not often I make a video address.
Third -food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently.
Fourth, I'm not against team spirit and all that,
Fifth -graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F_CKS DONKEYS" on the group toilet wall it's a lie.
Sixth, the use of chickens is strictly for food.
Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise
Love you lots,
PS -I'm sick of having "Osama Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag.
What the results of a merge between chocolate giants Cadbury and Nestle would be.
A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing,
'Yes, sir!' answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing, returns the following day and asks,
'So Murphy, how was your day?'
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients.
'The first one had a headache, so he did, so I gave him
Paracetamol.'
'Bravo Murphy lad and the second one?' asks the doctor.
'The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon.'
says Murphy.
'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third
one?' asks the doctor.
'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and
a young gorgeous woman bursts in, so she does.
'Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?' asks the
doctor.
'I put drops in her eyes.'
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National books about the Elephant
The French book.............The Sex Life of the Elephant
The English book................Elephants I have Shot on Safari
The Welsh book............The Elephant and its Influence on Welsh Language and Culture
The American book.............How to Make Bigger and Better Elephants
The Japanese book................How to Make Smaller and Cheaper Elephants
The Finnish book.................What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People
The German book.................A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6
The Icelandic book.................Defrosting an Elephant
The Canadian book................Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book.................How to Reduce your Taxes with an Elephant
The Swiss book............The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants
The Israeli book...............The Elephant and the Jewish Problem
The Danish book....................Elephants - 100 easy ways of cooking them
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Women Body Builders
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Funny Signs
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1 comment:
Those crashes cracked me up. I'm crying here. My stomach hurts. The music and the sound effects were right on the money. Bwahahahahahaha.
Have a terrific day Phil. :)
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