Wednesday, September 16, 2009

261


Andrew Denton interviewed some Sydney Taxi drivers a year or so ago
This bloke is a classic
Blind as a welders dog..lol

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A construction worker walks into a bar. He's a rather large,menacing guy.

He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows,

"Allyou guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of assholes!"

A sudden silence descends.After a moment he asks "Anyone got a problem with that?"

The silence lengthens.He then chugs back another beer and growls,

"And all you guys onthe other side of the bar are faggots!"

Once again, the bar is silent.

He looks around belligerently and roars, "Anyone got a problemwith that?"

A lone man gets up from his stool unsteadily and starts to walktowards the man.

"You got a problem, buddy?"

"Oh no, I'm just on the wrong side of the bar."

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Off the Hook


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The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon
when he noticed a young woman in the front row,
wearing a tight dress with her breast almost hanging out.
He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock
,so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman
after everyone else left the church.
When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest lecturing voice.
"Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?"
"Why reverend." the young thing replied.
All of my boy-friends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when
they put their heads on my breasts."
"Hmm. Well let me check," said the man of the cloth,
placing his head between her breasts.
After several minutes, he raised his head and said.
"I don't hear any angels singing!"
"Of course not reverend." she said.
"You're not plugged in yet."

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Post a comment at the bottom of this post

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Cartoons.....Dentists






















The dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.
'No way! No needles. I hate needles' the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.
"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says. "I'm fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says,
"Here's a Viagra."
The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn't" said the dentist,
"but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth."

Thanks Wayne W
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stolen from...Slavenka and Obi
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"Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullabye"
Carry that Weight


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Joe and Frank were in the office,
and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with some 3 x 5 cards next to it.
Both decided that this was a great idea, and each took a card to fill out
.Joe wrote: "The office workers should all be given raises!"
When he looked at Frank's card, it said:
"Can we all have raises, and keys to the executive washroom,
and personal secretaries, and new company cars,
and new coffee cups, and longer lunch breaks,
and an extra three weeks vacation each year,
and a holiday on St. Patrick's Day, and Columbus Day
and Martin Luther King's Birthday?"
Joe said, "Frank, that isn't the right way of getting things changed around here.
You shouldn't put all of your begs in one ask-it."






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PMS & GPS
What do you get when you mix PMS with GPS?
A crazy bitch who will find you!

stolen from...
Slavenka and Obi

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The ship sank.
He was the lone survivor.
He swam towards a distant beach.
When he arrived there,
he crawled up on the shore to rest and count his blessings;
that's when he saw the first one,
a pecan pie.
He then saw a banana split,
a cup of vanilla gelatin,
chocolate chip cookies,
caramel apples and yellow cake.
Suddenly he realized he was on a desserted island.

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Jewish Mother
"Did you hear about the tramp
who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said,
'Lady, - I haven't eaten in three days
She said
"Force yourself"
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PHILS PHILOSOPHY








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All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.





5 comments:

Tians.sis said...

Your good!So funny!

Sandee said...

Loved the Beatles video. Awesome.

Have a terrific day Phil. :)

Phils Phun said...

G'day Tians
Thanks forthat
Glad you enjoyed it
Cheers

Phils Phun said...

G'day Sandee
Always good to hear from another B

Phils Phun said...

G'day Sandee
Always good to hear from another Beatles fan
The Fab Four [yeah, yeah]
Cheers