Tuesday, March 2, 2010


Whilst on You Tube I came accross a couple of videos
of the late legendary Stan Coster
Stan Coster wrote many songs that have been covered
by numerous Australian singers
Slim Dusty and John Williamson spring to mind.

footage starts at 33 secs

Slim Dusty for my Canadian friends


At a country club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.
Immediately she began flattering him outrageously.
The guy liked the young lady,
but was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch
. He was amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage.
“Look,” he said. “We only met a half hour ago.
How can you be so sure?
We know nothing about each other.”
“You’re wrong,” she smiled.
“For the past 5 years I’ve been working in the back of the bank
where you have your account."
"I know all I need to know about you."


Those funny animals

Who said the people of Israel had no sense of humour???

thanks Liz Z

And who said truckies weren’t true romantics at heart?????
A truckie who has been out on the road for three weeks stops

at a brothel outside Kalgoorlie.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says,
I want your ugliest woman and a burnt chop.!!

The Madam is astonished
. 'But sir, for that kind of money you
could have one of my finest ladies and a lovely three-course meal.
The truckie replies,
'I'm not horny . . . . ... I'm homesick.

thanks Peter H


How do you pronounce Oklahoma?
Do you think it's correct?
There is a right way and a wrong way to pronounce Oklahoma .
If you say OK...LAHOMA...You're WRONG!!!!!
The proper way is...OKLA....HOMA
There's a gap between the 'a' and the 'h'.
I can prove it...................


There, you learned something today!

thanks Josie J


Bette and Mick

Stolen from Tacky Racccoons


A golfing wager
A fellow was getting ready to tee off by himself on the first hole
when a tall, stately, grey haired gentleman approached
and asked if he could join him.
The first man said that he usually played alone,
but agreed to the twosome.
They were even after the first two holes.
The tall, stately gentleman said,
“We’re about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?”
The first fellow said he was a pretty good player
, and that he wasn’t much for betting,
but agreed to the terms,
thinking we’re pretty even so far, so why not?
The stately gentleman played “straight & true” golf the rest of the round
and won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off the 18th green, and while counting his $80
the tall, stately golfer confessed that he was the teaching pro
at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he was the parish priest.
The pro got all flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.
The priest said, “You won fair and square
and I was foolish to bet with you.
You keep your winnings.”
The pro said, “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”
The priest said,
“Well, you could come to mass on Sunday and make a donation
. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along,
I’ll marry them.”

Stolen from Miss Cellania
Taken last week at Borroloola (NT, Australia ).
It measured 6.325 meters and weighed in at 1855 kilos.
That's a big lizard!
It started annoying one of the local Barramundi fisherman
by eating the prop off his outboard.
He reckons it was circling the 5 metre tinny (boat) for 20 minutes
before the decision to kill it was made by him and a very frightened decky.


Gina Jeffries

footage starts at 33 secs

Some Funny Signs



A man arrives at the gates of Heaven.St. Peter asks
, "Religion?"
The man says, "Methodist."
St. Peter looks down his list, and says,
"Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of Heaven.
"Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates
"Go to Room 11, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."
The man says, "I can understand there being
different rooms for different religions,
But why must I be quiet when I pass Room 8?"
St. Peter tells him,
"Well, the Catholics are in Room 8,
and they think they're the only ones here."


Identity Theft


A man was feeling very depressed
and walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch.
As the bartender poured him the drink he remarked
,"That's quite a heavy drink. What's wrong?"
After quickly downing his drink, the man replied
"I got home and found my wife in bed with my best friend."
"Wow" exclaimed the bartender, as he poured the man a second triple
, "No wonder you needed a stiff drink. The second triple is on the house."
As the man downed his second triple scotch, the bartender asked him
"What did you do?"
"I walked over to my wife" the man replied,
"looked her straight in the eye
and told her that we were through and to pack her stuff
and to getthe hell out."
"That makes sense" said the bartender
, "but what about your best friend?"
The man replied,
"I walked over to him, looked him right in the eye
and said'bad dog!'"




The Cab Ride
I arrived at the address and honked the horn.
After waiting a few minutes I walked to the door and knocked.
'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice.
I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened.
A small woman in her 90's stood before me.
She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it,
like somebody out of a 1940's movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase.
The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years.
All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks
or utensils on the counters.
In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said.
I took the suitcase to the cab,
then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness
. 'It's nothing', I told her.
'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'.
'Oh, you're such a good boy', she said.
When we got in the cab,
she gave me an address and then asked
, 'Could you drive through downtown?'
'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.
'Oh, I don't mind,' she said..
'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice'.
I looked in the rear-view mirror.
Her eyes were glistening.
'I don't have any family left,'
she continued in a soft voice.
'The doctor says I don't have very long.'
I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city.
She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she
and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds.
She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse
that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building
or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said,
'I'm tired. Let's go now'.
We drove in silence to the address she had given me.
It was a low building, like a small convalescent home,
with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up.
They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.
They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door.
The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.
'Nothing,' I said
'You have to make a living,' she answered.
'There are other passengers,' I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.
She held onto me tightly.
'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said.
'Thank you.'
I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light..
Behind me, a door shut.
It was the sound of the closing of a life.
I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift.
I drove aimlessly lost in thought.
For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.
What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,
or one who was impatient to end his shift?
What if I had refused to take the run,
or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.
But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped
in what others may consider a small one.
You won't get any big surprise in 10 days if you send this to ten people.
But, you might help make the world a little kinder and more compassionate
by sending it on and reminding us that often
it is the random acts of kindness that most benefit all of us.
Thanks Brian W


All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.


Sandee said...

I stole the truck one Phil. I've also given you the credit. Thanks.

Have a terrific day. :)

Phils Phun said...

no worries Sandee
Glad you liked it