345

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---

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine.

He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender's face.

Before the bartender could recover from the surprise,

the man began weeping."I'm sorry," he said.

"I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders.

I can't tell you how embarrassing it is, to have a compulsion like this."

Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic.

Before long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst about his problem.

"I happen to have the name of a Psychoanalyst," the bartender said

. "My brother and my wife have both been treated by him,

and they say he's as good as they get."

The man wrote down the name of the doctor,

thanked the bartender, and left

.The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being.

Six months later, the man was back

."Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked,

while serving a glass of white wine

."I certainly did," the man said.

"I've been seeing the Psychoanalyst twice a week."

He took a sip of the wine.

Then he threw the remainder into the bartender's face.

The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel.

"The doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good," he sputtered

."On the contrary," the man claimed,

"he's done me a world of good."

"But you threw the wine in my face again!" the bartender exclaimed.

"Yes," the man replied,

"but it doesn't embarrass me anymore."

---

This

can lead to this

------------------

There was an unexpected knock on my door

and like I always do, I first opened the peephole and asked,

"Who's there"?

"Parcel post, ma'am. I have a package that needs a signature."

"Where's the package"? I asked suspiciously.

The delivery man held it up.

"Could I see some ID"? I asked, still not convinced

."Lady," he replied wearily, "if I wanted to break into your house,

I'd probably just use these"

And he pulled out the keys I had left in the door.

thanks toni
--------------------

Those funny animals.. [and insects]

-

--

LOL



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Gulf Cartoons

-------------------

George: Alex, I’ve been attending night classes for 5 months now

and I have an exam next week.

Alex: oh!

George: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?

Alex: No

George: He’s the inventor of the phone in 1876;

if you take night Courses you would know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place

George: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?

Alex: No

George: He’s the author of “The 3 Musketeers”,

if you take night courses, you would know this.
The next day, once again

George: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?

Alex: No

George: He’s the author of “Confessions”, if you take night courses,

you would know this.
This time, Alex got irritated and said:

And you, do you know who Danny Spencer is?

George: No

Alex: He’s the guy who’s having sex with your your wife!!

If you stop night courses, you would know this.

---

Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling

around in pain on the ground?

A: Shoot him again.

Q: How can you tell when a man is well-hung?

A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath

and calling your name?

A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?

A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
-
--Joke of the Year!!!!----

Two women were sitting quietly together,

minding their own business.

thanks David J

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TWINS

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Aussie meat pies




thanks Don H

--
An Aussie went into an empty bar in New Zealand and ordered a beer.

As he was walking around, he saw a table about 6x4'

with some lines marked 6-10" from one edge.

Next to each line there are initials.

The man asked the bartender,

"What are all those marks on that table?"

"It's a game the locals play, they pull out their dicks,

stretch them as far as they can and mark a line."

Our Aussie hero was hung like a horse

and reckoned he can beat all the lines he'd seen

and asked if he could have a go.

"Sure," was the reply.

As he pulled out his dick, a clear winner by about 3 inches!

He started to mark his line down when the bartender said,

"No mate, us Kiwis start from the other side!"

-------

Blast from the Past





----

For many years a certain white whale and a tiny herring

had been inseparable friends.

Wherever the white whale roamed in search of food,

the herring was sure to be swimming right along beside him.

One fine spring day, the herring turned up

off the coast of Norway without his companion.

Naturally, all the other fish were curious,

and an octopus finally asked the herring what happened to his whale friend.

"How should I know?" the herring replied.

"Am I my blubber's kipper?"

----

Two painters, an old man and a youngster,

were painting a very large home.

It was getting late in the day when they reached the second floor.
Ahead of them was a very long corridor.

The younger painter said, "I've had enough for one day

. I'm going home."
The older painter started toward the corridor and responded,

"Not me. I'm in this for the long hall."



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-------

-----------------

Bonus video





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COPS

-------

There she blows




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--
PHILS PHILOSOPHY

but I leave you with this

--


Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.