Meanwhile in Canada
Elizabeth Taylor by Paul Newman
stolen from Skips House of Chaos
How Well Do You Know the World’s Landmarks? This is fun!
These pictures were taken from an airplane and you have to guess the location.
There are 16 photos and you probably won't get a perfect score.
You will also probably miss at least one you'll say you should have gotten!
A blond puts a book on the librarian’s desk and says,
“This book has no story and way too many characters.”
The librarian says,
“So that’s where the phone book went.”
A blonde, studying to be a counselor,
always went into her counseling sessions with an earmuff over one ear.
After a while the supervisor became very curious and asked her about it.
She replied, "It's for confidentiality."
"Confidentiality?" asked the bewildered supervisor.
"Yes, confidentiality," the blonde explained,
"I've been told what goes in one ear comes out the other,
and I don't want anyone else knowing what my client says."
Those funny animals
thanks Kitty L
While in the checkout line at Home Depot,
I overheard one man say to another,
"My wife has been after me to paint our shed.
But I let it go for so long she got mad and did it herself."
His friend nodded.
"I like women who get mad like that."
Jake Styles had just bought a farmhouse in the country, barn and all.
"Great!" he thought. "Now I can get that horse I have always wanted!"
He goes down the road to Farmer Ben's house, and tells him he wants to buy a horse.
"Well, I only have one mare right now, and she's kind of flighty."
"I don't care!" Jake says. "I think she's beautiful!"
Jake buys the horse, brings her home and sets her up in a newly-cleaned stall.
The next morning, Jake wakes to find that she has broken out and run off.
After many hours of searching, he finds her and leads her home.
Thinking maybe she didn't like her stall,
he cleans out a different one (the barn had four), and leads her in -
- this time making sure to bolt the door.
The next morning, Jake wakes to find that the mare has broken out and run off.
After many hours of searching, he finds her, and brings her home,
again trying a different stall.
The next morning, Jake wakes to find that the mare had again broken out and run off.
After many hours of searching, he finds her and brings her home,
this time tying her to the last stall.
When he woke the next morning, the mare had chewed the rope, broken out and run off.
He called farmer Ben, furious at the horses behavior.
"I don't understand it! I keep her stall clean, locked, full of food,
nothing I do keeps her from running off!"
"I tried to tell you," farmer Ben said.
"She just can't seem to form a stable relationship!"
The zoo keeper in charge of the sea mammals
was trying to train an otter to walk backwards.
He was not having any success.
He asked a coworker to see if she could do any better.
Lo and behold, the otter was soon walking backwards.
He asked her, "How did you do that?"
"Simple," she said,
A professor at the Clemson University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks
'How many people here believe in ghosts?'
About 90 students raise their hands
.Well, that's a good start.
Out of those who believe in ghosts,
do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'
About 40 students raise their hands.
That's really good.
I'm really glad you take this seriously.
Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raise their hand.
Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?
'Three students raise their hands.
Now let me ask you one question further...
Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?
'Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says
'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture,
no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.
'The Middle Eastern muslim student replied with a nod and a grin,
and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks,
'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'
"Shit, from way back there
I thought you said Goats."
thanks Kitty L
Cats don't like Baths
A mute was walking down the street one day
and chanced upon a friend of his; also a mute.
In sign language, he inquired how his friend had been doing.
The friend replied (vocally!) “Oh, can that hand-waving shit. I can talk now!”
Intrigued, the mute pressed him for details.
Seems he had gone to a specialist, who, seeing no physical damage,
had put him on a treatment program that had restored the use of his vocal chords.
Gesturing wildly, the mute asked if he might meet this specialist.
They got an appointment that very afternoon.
After an exam, the specialist proclaimed that he had found no permanent damage.
The mute was essentially in the same condition as his buddy,
and that there was no reason why he couldn’t be helped as well.
“Yes, yes” signed the mute.
“Let’s have the first treatment right now!”
“Very well,” replied the specialist.
“Kindly go into the next room, drop your pants and lean over the examining table.
I’ll be right in.”
The mute does as instructed
and the doctor snuck in carrying a broomstick, a mallet and a jar of Vaseline.
Greasing the broom handle, he ‘sent it home’ with a deft swipe of the mallet.
The mute jumped from the table, screaming,
“VERY good,” smiled the doctor.
“Next Tuesday, we work on ‘B’.”