Thursday, April 7, 2011





408


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A young Egyptian tourist on his first visit to Amsterdam enters a large brothel
 The Madam asks him to be seated, and sends over a young lady to entertain the client.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap.
 He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the Madame sends over a more "experienced" lady to entertain the gentleman.
 They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap.
 He whispers in her ear, she screams,
 "No!" and walks quickly away.
The Madam is surprised that this ordinary-looking man
 has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with it.
 She decides that only her most experienced lady,
 Lola, will do. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no
and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her.
The Madam sends her over to him.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap.
 He whispers in her ear and she screams,
 "NO WAY, BUDDY!" smacks him as hard as she can, and literally runs away!
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued,
 having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel.
 She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time,
 but she did it for many years before she got into management.
She's sure she has said yes at one time or another to everything a man could possibly ask for.
The challenge is irresistible!
She just has to find out what this man has wanted that has made her girls so angry.
 She sees a chance she can't pass up to show off to her employees
how good she was at what they do.
So she goes over and says that she's the best in the house
 and she, herself, is available.
She sits and talks with him.
 They frolic a bit, giggle a bit, drink a little, and she sits in his lap.
 And he leans forward and whispers in her ear,
 "Can I pay in Egyptian Pounds?"




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How do they do it?
video
thanks Liz Z


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One guy asked the skydiving instructor, "If our chute
doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long
do we have until we hit the ground?"
Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan
and answered, "The rest of your life."






Dead Snake
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Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story)





British scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead
chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to
 test the strength of the windshields.
American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on
the Windshields of their new high speed trains.
Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of
the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens,
blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and
embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow..
The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment,
along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.


You're going to love this......
Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:
"Defrost the chicken."

thanks Kitty L


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thanks Kitty L

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Those funny animals










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thanks Shelagh N





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The work of a coalminer is long, arduous, dirty and quite dangerous.
Those who toiled at the black gold mine were particularly cautious about safety.
 Besides having a canary in a cage, they also planted an herb garden,
 for they discovered that buildups of certain gases would cause
 the more sensitive of these plants to wither quickly.

A dispute arose with management concerning the garden,
and tensions rose over the issue at the bargaining table.
 When a strike loomed over whether the herbs would be retained,
the parties finally agreed to call in a consultant.
After a lengthy study, this worthy specialist who had grown up on her parents' farm
and was quite conversant with the vagaries of vegetables
 and the efficacy of herbs confirmed the utility of the garden
and vindicated the entire project, forcing management to back off.
The only suggestion she made was that one particular herb
 be switched for a slightly different and more sensitive variety. This was done.
Weeks passed, and one day, though the canary was perfectly healthy,
 an entire section of the garden withered and sagged.
 Immediately the mine was evacuated, the gases were pumped out,
 and there were neither injuries nor damage.
The next morning, the local newspaper bore the headline,
 "A switch in thyme saves mine."
-- Rick Satcliffe







Lets Party



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 Desert island







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The newlyweds went on a cruise for their honeymoon,
and found themselves shipwrecked on an island where a tribe of cannibals lived.
 Nevertheless, the inhabitants were very welcoming.

In fact, when they found out the couple had just been married,
 the cannibals threw a party.
They toasted the bride, then barbecued the groom.


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PHILS  PHILOSOPHY





Western Australia


Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.







1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Some other months with 5 Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays:
May 2009
Jan 2010
Oct 2010
Mar 2013

All you need is a 31 day month that starts on a Friday.