During the last week we have lost a couple of Australian legends
May 21st has come and gone
An old Sailor and an old Marine were sitting at the VFW
arguing about who’d had the tougher career.
“I did 30 years in the Corps,” the Marine declared proudly
, “and fought in three of my country’s wars.
Fresh out of boot camp, I hit the beach at Okinawa,
clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand,
and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade.
As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur.
We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch,
all the way up to the Chinese border,
always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire.
Finally, as a Gunny Sergeant,
I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam.
We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day,
plagued by rain and mosquitoes,
ducking under sniper fire all day,
and mortar fire all night
. In a firefight, we’d fire until our arms ached
and our guns were empty, then we’d charge the enemy with bayonets!”
“Ah,” said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand,
“Lucky bastard! All shore duty, eh?”
Thanks to all who sent in the above cartoons and video's
or I stole from mainly Amy Oops and Toni
“For their honeymoon, Prince Harry and Princess Kate
want to go somewhere abroad where they can have complete privacy
and no one in the country will give away their location.
I think they’re going to Pakistan.”
Those funny animals
Words of Wisdom
For every woman with a curve there are several men with angles.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
Can a storm be officially designated as a tornado without touching down at a trailer park?
Always hold your head up, but be careful to keep your nose at a friendly level.
We child-proofed our home three years ago and they’re still getting in!
Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.
I wonder who coined the term, “coined the term.”
Shouldn’t the cosmic stupidity hopper be empty by now?
To borrow from our British friends:Bollocks!
Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
A foolproof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble, then you chip away everything that doesn’t look like an elephant.
If I get male pattern baldness, I’d like zig-zags please
Roads of the World
thanks Kitty L
Yoga for Wine Drinkers
Headline of the Week
Kenny Ball and his Jazzmen
I had just come out of the store with two porterhouse steaks, a jumbo sausage,
a bag of chips, and a 6-pack of beer..
A homeless man sat there and said, "I haven't eaten for two days."
I told him, "I wish I had your frickin’ will power."
Top tip: if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl
in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she
will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex.
Wish me luck......I appear in court next Monday.
A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time.
She said, 'sorry about the wait.'
I said, 'don't worry, you're bound to lose it eventually.'
I was behind a rather large woman at the checkout.
She had on a pair of jeans that said, 'Guess.'
I said, "I don't know........maybe 350 pounds."
Snow in the forecast!
The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight,
I thought to myself "fat chance with a face like that!"
I have a new pick up line that works every time!
It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be,
this line is a winner and always end up in bed with them.
Here's how it goes,
"Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion?
Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?"
Years ago it was suggested 'that an apple a day kept the doctor away
.' But since many doctors are now Muslim,
I've found that a bacon sandwich works best.
I took my Biology exam last Friday.
I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.
Apparently Blacks and Mexicans were not the correct answers
thanks Kitty L
thanks Dana D
Put your cursor in the middle and it will slow down.
Check this out .... after watching for a few seconds,
move your cursor back and forth across the display...
thanks Liz Z
You know You're A Redneck When . . .
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.
Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. (oh ick!!!)
Picture of the Day
Ivanhoe Crossing Kununurra in the NW
Ord River downstream from the overfow gates
stolen from Bits and Pieces Words of Wisdom
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