Tuesday, July 5, 2011



For those watching events in Greece and wondering how it could get so bad,
 here is a bit of trivia that may help understand why.
What's the matter with Greece?
 This piece from Britain's newspaper "Mail One"
gives you some idea of the "Greek problem."
Even on a stiflingly hot summer's day, the Athens underground is a pleasure.
 It is air-conditioned, with plasma screens to entertain passengers relaxing in cool,
 cavernous departure halls - and the trains even run on time.
There is another bonus for users of this state-of-the-art rapid transport system:
 It is, in effect, free for the five million people of the Greek capital.
 With no barriers to prevent free entry or exit to this impressive tube network,
 the good citizens of Athens are instead asked to 'validate'
their tickets at honesty machines before boarding.
Few bother.
Cracking up: The Euro is at risk of collapse because of the Greek financial crisis
This is not surprising: Tax fiddling on a Herculean scale
— from the owner of the smallest shop to the most powerful figures in business and politics
 — has become as much a part of Greek life as ouzo and olives. Indeed,
as well as not paying for their metro tickets,
the people of Greece barely paid a penny of the underground’s £1.5 billion cost
— a ‘sweetener’ from Brussels (and, therefore, the UK taxpayer)
 to help the country put on an impressive 2004 Olympics free of the city’s notorious traffic jams.
The transport perks are not confined to the customers.
 Incredibly, the average salary on Greece’s railways is £60,000,
which includes cleaners and track workers
 - treble the earnings of the average private sector employee here in Britain.
The above-ground rail network is as big a racket as the EU-funded underground.
 While its annual income is only £80million from ticket sales,
 the wage bill is more than £500m a year
— prompting one Greek politician to famously remark that it would be cheaper
 to put all the commuters into private taxis.
‘We have a railroad company which is bankrupt beyond comprehension,’
 says Stefans Manos, a former Greek finance minister.
‘And yet, there isn’t a single private company in Greece with that kind of average pay
.’ Significantly, since entering Europe as part of an ill-fated dream
 by politicians of creating a European super-state,
the wage bill of the Greek public sector has doubled in a decade.
 At the same time, perks and fiddles reminiscent of Britain
 in the union-controlled 1970s have flourished.
Ridiculously, Greek pastry chefs, radio announcers, hairdressers
 and masseurs in steam baths are among more than 600 professions
allowed to retire at 50 (with a state pension of 95 per cent of their last working year’s earnings)
 — on account of the ‘arduous and perilous’ nature of their work.

thanks Gordon H


Barack and Michelle are at the White Sox game.
Sitting in the first row with the Secret Service
people directly behind them,
 one of the Secret Service guys leans forward and says something
to the president.
Barack stares at the guy, looks at Michelle,
 looks back at the agent, and shakes his head violently.
The agent then says,
 "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request,
from the owner of the team down to the bat boy.
And...the fans would love it!"
So, Barack shrugs his shoulders and says,
 "If that's what the people want."
He gets up, grabs Michelle by her collar
and the seat of her pants,
 and drops her right over the wall into the field.
 She gets up kicking, swearing, and screaming --
 and the crowd goes wild, cheering, applauding, and High-fiving.
Barack is bowing and smiling, and leans over to the agent and says,
 "You were right, I would have never believed that!"
Then noticing the agent has gone totally pale,
 Barack asks what is wrong.
The agent replies
, "Sir, I said, they want you to
throw out the first PITCH!"


OH .......CANADA


Those Funny Animals



thanks Diane M


ONLY IN TEXAS............

*A lady was telling her neighbor that she saw a man driving a pick-up truck down the interstate,
 & a dog was hanging onto the tailgate for dear life!
*She said if the pick-up truck driver hadn't been going so fast in the other direction,
she would have tried to stop him.
*A few weeks later, her neighbor saw this truck at the local Bass Pro Shop.
*The pick-up truck driver is a local TEXAS taxidermist with a great sense of humor!
*Taxidermists are a twisted lot anyway!
*And it is not a dog; it is a Coyote.
*Can you imagine how many people tried to stop this guy?

thanks Kitty L




My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant,
who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend,
 he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me
 to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly,
 so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed
 and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines
 but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo,
 so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'
She calmly turned her head and said,
 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,
'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray-up, Bitch!'

thanks Jayne M


Piff the magic dragon


Police Complaint - just brilliant!

This is a genuine complaint to Devon & Cornwall Police Force
 from an angry member of the public
A true email sent to the force, lengthy but brilliantly written.....

Dear Sir/Madam/Automated telephone answering service,
Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Bodmin police station
 to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead.
Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Bodmin,
by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board.
As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths)
 in St Mary's Crescent, which is just off St Mary's Road in Bodmin.
Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football
 against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite.
 This causes an earth shattering CLANG! Which rings throughout the entire building.
This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works,
 I have no idea if it will end any time soon.
The remaining five failed-abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish
 and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins.
 One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on ecstasy pills.
I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention
 to the caravan gas bottle that is lying on its side between the two bins.
If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it.
 In fact, I would even go so far as to lend them the matches.
Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them
 and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.
What I suggest is this - after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter
 is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year
(probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a Panda car
before doing a three point turn and disappearing again.
 This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.
I trust that when I take a claw hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks
you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.
I remain your obedient servant
Mr ??????,


I have read your e-mail and understand your frustration at the problems caused by youths
playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.
As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer
 of discussing the matter fully with you.
Should you wish to discuss the matter,
please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.
PC ???????
Community Beat Officer


Dear PC ???????
First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail.
16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Bodmin Police Station,
 and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter
for inclusion in his next Guinness book.
Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has its own Community Beat Officer.
May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills?
 In the five or so years I have lived in St Mary's Crescent , I have never seen you.
 Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself?
Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead
or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin?
It's surely only a matter of time before you are head-hunted by MI5 to look for Osama.
Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Bodmin,
 such as smoking in a public place or being Christian without due care and attention,
is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time)
to these twats that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere.
The pitch on Fairpark Road , or the one at Priory Park
 are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Par Dock,
 the latter being the preferred option especially if the tide is in.
Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on .
If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer,
I'll buy you a large one in the Cat and Fiddle Pub.
P.S If you think that this is sarcasm,
think yourself lucky that you don't work for the sewerage department
 with whom I am also in contact !

thanks Gordon H










Now try this


The longest bridge in the world

Video of the Bridge


had to be said sooner or later

thanks Gordon H


 The Outhouse
Ma came in the house and yelled, "Pa!
You need to go out and fix the outhouse."
He says, "There ain't nothin' wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is! Now get out there and fix it!"
So Pa moseys out to the outhouse, looks around, and yells back,
 "Ma! There ain't nothin' wrong with the outhouse!"
She replied, "Stick yer head in the hole."
To which Pa responded, "I ain't stickin' my head in the hole."
But she insists: "You gotta stick yer head in the hole to see what's wrong."
So now, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around, and yells to Ma,
"There ain't nothin' wrong with this outhouse, I tell ya."
"Now," she yells back, "take yer head outta the hole!"
Pat proceeds to back out of the hole, but then starts yellin',
 "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies,
 "Hurts, don't it?"




Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up womans' leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . ......

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!

thanks Kitty L

 thanks Toni

thanks Kitty L

There once was a service man who toured the Middle East
and married a beautiful little Japanese doll.
He brought her back to the States and they were very happy.
He always enjoyed looking at her rear end
and telling her what a beautiful butt she had.
Every day it was,
 "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have.
" Every night it was,
 "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have.
"Well his birthday was getting close
and she wanted to surprise him with a tattoo on her rear end that said,
 "Beautiful Butt. "
So she finds a reputable tattoo artist and explains what she wants.
Well the artist asks her to turn around and after a brief pause says,
 "There is no way I can get "Beautiful Butt " on your tiny little beautiful butt.
" But I can put a nice "B " on each cheek which will stand for "Beautiful Butt.
"A bit disappointed, she agrees and leaves with her B's .
Well the big day arrives and after a candle light dinner, gifts,
 and a sip of brandy, she appears in the bedroom in her birthday suit,
 turns around and bends over.
Quickly sitting up he exclaims,
 "Darling I love you, but who the hell is Bob? "


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are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.

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