Thursday, November 17, 2011

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Picture of the Day

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Some years ago a small rural town in Italy twinned with a similar town in Greece.
The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Italian town.
 When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Italian mayor
 he wondered how he could afford such a house.
 The Italian said; "You see that bridge over there?
 The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge,
 but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end this house could be built".
The following year the Italian visited the Greek town.
 He was simply amazed at the Greek Mayor's house
, gold taps, marble floors, it was marvellous
. When he asked how this could be afforded the Greek said;
"You see that bridge over there?"
The Italian replied; "No."

thanks Gordon H and Toni S


Free Plug

thanks Patrick


Funny Humans

Funny Animals



"I'm in love with my horse," the nervous man told his psychiatrist.
"Not something to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled.
"Many people are fond of animals.
As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog that we are very attached to."
"But, doctor," continued the troubled patient,
 "I feel ummm... *physically* attracted to my horse!"
"Hmmm." Then the doctor asked,
 "Is it male or female?"
"Female, of course!" the man snapped.
 "What do you think I am...GAY?"


Your in good hands

thanks Liz Z


Win Win Win



ever wondered why??


Perfect Date


A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest,
in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe.
He falls into a trap,
 goes unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake with a fire burning slowly underneath him.
He cries out for help,
and is answered by what is obviously one of the tribesmen,
 who informs him that he is going to be served as dinner
 to the leader of the tribe.
“But you don”t understand!” he cries,
“You can”t do this to me!
 I”m an editor for the New Yorker magazine!”
“Ah,” replies the tribesman,
“Well look on the bright side.
Soon you will be editor-in-chief!”

I made a mental note, but forgot where I put it.

Many a poet has learned that rhyme doesn’t pay.

An unemployed jester is nobody’s fool.

The young ping pong player misbehaved, so his father paddled him.

Business at the candle factory tapered off after the holidays.

Mr. See and Mr. Sore were old friends
. See owned a saw and Sore a seesaw.
 Now See's saw sawed Sore's seesaw before
Sore saw See which made Sore sore with See.
 Had Sore seen See's saw before See's saw sawed Sore's seesaw
 then See's saw would not have sawed Sore's seesaw.
 But See saw Sore and Sore's seesaw before Sore saw See
 and See's saw so you see how See's saw could saw Sore's seesaw.
 It was a shame to see See see Sore so sore with See
 just because See's saw sawed Sore's seesaw. -- Stan Kegel


Jim Carey and Vanilla Ice



Golfer Kills Wife

Verne was teeing off from the men's tee.
 On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Joy,
 was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him.
 Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it,
 and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.
A few days later,
Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.
Coroner: "Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force-trauma to the head
. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?"
Verne: "Yes, sir, that's correct."
Coroner: "Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged up her ass."
Verne: "Was it a Titleist 3?"
Coroner: "Yes, it was."
Verne: "That was my mulligan."



Bert and Ernie and GPS


thanks Duke



thanks Jayne M


Lee Hazelwood


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