494

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Take some time to watch this awesome video

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Save the last Dance

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 Paul Newman

this clip from Cool Hand Luke. In the movie, he's singing the song "Plastic Jesus" after his mother passes away and I thought it was poetic for him as well. This is probably one of the moments where you realize how good of an actor he really was

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 Doing it my way...because I can

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An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers.

 He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket

and puts him on the counter.

 As he's drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other,

 an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says

"Hey, what's that little green thing down there?"

The green man runs down the bar gives the Englishman a raspberry,

SPLBLBLBLT!

right in the face and runs back to the Irishman.

 The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman,

 "Hey, what is that thing, anyway?"

The Irishman replies,

"Have some respect. He's a leprechaun."

"Oh, all right." the Englishman says sullenly.

They all go back to drinking beer.

An hour or so later, the Englishman is really plastered.

 "Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little b*stard!" he says.

The leprechaun runs down the bar

and gives the Englishman a raspberry again-

SPLBLBLBLBT!

This time the Englishman is really mad!

 "Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again

I'll cut his willie off!" he shouts.

"You can't do that" says the Irishman.

"Leprechauns don't have those."

"How do they pee, then?" asks the bewildered Englishman.

"They don't," says the Irishman.

 "They go SPLBLBLBLBT."

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Slow Motion is awesome

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Those Funny Animals

This delightful circle was taken at Lamington National Park, west of the Gold Coast. They are native Australian mountain parrots; the red and blue kind are Crimson Rosella, and the red and green are King Parrots. They are feasting on sunflower seeds which were left for them, but did not expect them to form such a perfect ring.

thanks Marlene H

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Skipping Dog

 

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The 'Middle Wife'

 by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,

but the best birth story I know is the one

 I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.

 So I always have a few sessions with my students.

 It helps them get over shyness and usually,show-and-tell is pretty tame.

 Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.

 And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.

 If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,

takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant.

 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love,

 and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach,

 and Luke grew in there.

 He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow,

and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me..

 The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going

, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!'

 Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.

 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'

 (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife.

She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man.

 They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.'

 (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty,

 and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!'

 (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimicking water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.

They started counting, but never even got past ten.

Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.

 He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta)

 so there must be a lot of toys inside there.

When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest.

 Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day,

 I bring my camcorder, just in case another

' Middle Wife' comes along.



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Sydney Australia

click on the link fora great viwe of Sydney

http://www.airpano.com/360Degree-VirtualTour.php?3D=Sydney-Australia

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Golf toons

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Awesome!!!

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One afternoon my wife, April, rushed out of the house,

 forgot her keys and found herself locked out.

There was nothing she could do but wait for me to come home.

She saw a neighbor who was outside raking leaves.

"You locked yourself out?" he asked.

"Yeah, this is the second time since we moved in.

 After the first time we took an extra key and put it in a jar,

 then stuck it in a potted plant on the deck.".

"So.... what's the problem? Dig it out."

"I took the plants inside for the winter."

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A long time ago (in 1972, I believe it was)

 Marlon Brando was hard at work creating his exquisite performance as Don Corleone

 in that timeless hit film ‘The Godfather’.

This role was to become his greatest achievement since ‘On the Waterfront’,

 and Brando was completely immersed in it, being one of the first major stars

to embrace what is called Method Acting.

As filming progressed, he insisted that his Director, Francis Ford Coppola,

 should devise ever more elaborate techniques to ensure authenticity in the production.

 In fact Brando was such a stickler for perfection that he even requested special lighting.

 He wanted the lights dimmed to near darkness while he read his lines,

 to create the impression that Don Corleone was a powerful and feared presence at all times.

 As you know, in the finished movie the Brando character is indeed surrounded by a sinister aura,

so the effect was achieved.

But the shooting was difficult for the other actors.

They felt that it was too hard to read their lines in such an atmosphere of dimmed lighting

and during one especially trying day they went en masse to Coppola

 and complained, to no avail of course.

 “You can rehearse the scene with the lights on,

 but as soon as Brando is ready we are gonna turn ‘em down real low because” Coppola said,

 “it’s always darkest before the Don.

stolen from Archies Archives

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Wild Elks in the neighbourhood

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thanks Jayne M

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I just got sacked from my job with Lifeline

Someone called Mohammad phoned and said,

"I'm lying on the railway track waiting for the train to come".

All I said was, "Remain calm and stay on the line" . .

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Seniors

Senior bloopers

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.