Phils Phun

523

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Amazing sleight of hand

Excellent Illusionist.... And ipad programming

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Xmas is coming!!

This is by far one of the coolest things I’ve seen yet. Enjoy….it works.

CLICK ON THE SITE BELOW,

PUT IN YOUR ADDRESS and ZIP CODE

Then click the "Shake" button

http://www.draftfcb.com/holiday2011/

thanks Kitty L

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Those Funny Animals

The ship had sunk and four sailors were able to get into a lifeboat in the water.

As they relaxed, they decided to have a cigarette and relax a few moments before starting their journey to safety.
The cigarettes were dry but all their matches had become wet
and they had no way to light their cigarettes.

Finally, one of the sailors came up with a solution. He threw a cigarette overboard.

This worked well.

They were able to smoke because the lifeboat had become a cigarette lighter

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Useless information

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Church Message

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"This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.

Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin."

National PRAYER & FASTING Conference:

The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals

"A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement.

Music will follow."

"Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist.

Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. "

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.

It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.

Don't forget your husbands

This being Easter Sunday,

we will ask Mrs. Jones to come forward and lay an egg on the altar."

"At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?”

Come early and listen to our bell choir practice

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Social Media

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JAPAN in 2 minutes

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POSTERS

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Celtic Woman

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Roger was very thin because he was so afraid to spend money for food.

He looked forward to the day when his grandfather would die and leave him a fortune.

His grandfather was blessed with both a sense of humour and a sense of justice.

So he planned that when he finally died all he would leave to Roger was a cookie.

But what a cookie.

It was made with butter, churned from milk from a yak milked by a virginal milkmaid

on the highest field on a hidden Himalayan peak next to the ultimate source of the Ganges.

It was made with flour harvested from plants of the single-grained EinKorn

found growing on the site of a neolithic Anatolian village

and ground between millstones of Lapus Lazuli.

It was made from eggs collected from Peahen nests

in the remotest marshes of outback Australia.

It was made from sugar boiled from a cane garden in a secret valley in New Guinea.

It was flavoured with a vanilla pod from the mysterious

and still sacred original Vanilla Vine found by the Totonac people

when they arrived in the Mazatlan Valley on the Gulf Coast of Mexico in the 15th century.

It had added flavour.

Chocolate chips made from the beans of a Cacoa tree found on the site

of a previously undiscovered Mayan temple.

When Roger’s grandfather died,

the cookie was baked by Gordon Ramsey in a kitchen built exclusively for the purpose.

It was the most expensive cookie ever baked

and its ingredients consumed the entire fortune.

The lawyers delivered the cookie to the anorexic Roger as his entire inheritance.

Understandably, all the other relatives were more than a little put out

and they paid Roger a visit.

They all wanted their share of the fortune but they couldn’t find it

because it had disappeared into the thin heir.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

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