Sunday, July 7, 2013

Phils Phun




Image by FlamingText.com




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Cross Wind Jumbo Landing
I’m not a pilot but this video looks real to me.
 However, a number of people within the aviation community
 feel that this landing may be faked. 
Some of the reasons given are that there are
 no visible navigation nor landing lights,
 the crosswind component appears to change significantly
 between the two final segments shown in this video,
 and braking appears to be too sudden.
  I’ll leave it up to you to decide.






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A few days ago was the 237th Independence Day in the United States of America
Hope you all had a memorable celebration















    In 1873, a team of German explorers
 and their three dogs decided to penetrate 
the heart of the South American jungle. 
After twelve years, they had set up a fort in an Incan town,
 the centerpiece of which was a large idol with a huge ruby for an eye.
    The German church had sent out their best man,
 Friar Wilhelm Werks three times to check on the progress of the fort,
 and each time the appearance of the idol 
had sent him into fits of screaming, complete with shouts,
 curses, and rending of garments.
    Each time, he screamed so loud that he sent the dogs running for cover. 
And each time, he left with a warning that the next time he visited, 
the idol had better be torn down.
    The commander of the fort, Hans Brickner, 
received a message that Werks would be
 coming to visit again in a fortnight.
    He quickly called a meeting with his top commanders.
 All five agreed that the Friar would explode 
when he saw the idol still standing.
    "But," said Commander Brickner, 
"there's nothing to be done. 
If we take down the idol, we will anger the local tribe,
 and without their cooperation we're dead."
    His second-in-command, Herr Kommandant Wagner said, 
"In that case, we'd better make sure we put the dogs away."
    "Why?"
    "You know how scared the dogs get when 
Friar Werks goes off on the Fort of Jewel Eye."




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Meanwhile CANADA remains a bundle of fun










Canadian Penny







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Elsewhere!!!




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Those Funny Animals




















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 thanks Kitty L




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A woman approached her husband with the news
 that they needed new drapes throughout the house.
 After two weeks of debate on the real need for new drapes,
 the husband gave in grudgingly. 
The two of them then advised their daughter
 they were going to the fabric warehouse to select material.

Once at the warehouse, the couple embarked on a growing disagreement as to color and design.
 No matter what one selected, 
the other didn't like it
. It turned into a nightmare
. It became a clash of wills just as their daughter had known it would.

While they were gone, their son returned home from an afternoon at the movies.
 He asked his sister where the parents were.

"Oh, nowhere special," she answered. 
"They are simply trampling through the warehouse
 where the drapes of wrath are stored."








Fred Smith had been a jazz clarinetist for years
, famous the world over for his virtuosity on the licorice stick
. His fame was well deserved because of the beautiful tone 
he was able to get out of his instrument. 
He had played concerts to packed houses in all the major capitals of the world.
               
At about the time he turned 60, tragedy struck.
 Late one night during a jam session while he was playing 
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow," one of his favorite pieces,
 he collapsed right in the middle of the song.
               
He was rushed to the local hospital as quickly as possible 
where he was placed in the intensive care unit. 
After all the tests had been run, 
it was determined he had suffered an extensive stroke 
on the left side of his brain. 
               
Because of the quick response of the paramedics 
who transported him to the hospital, the damage was minimal.
 There was some loss of motor control on his right side
 and his speech was somewhat slurred, 
so he spent several weeks undergoing therapy.
               
Several days after the stroke, 
when he was finally able to pick up his clarinet again,
 he, of course, started to play his favorite song, 
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow."

                Some-where o-ver he rain-bow, way up high,
                There's a land that I heard of once, in a hill-a-bye.


At that point, for the life of him,
 he could recall neither the notes nor lyrics for the remainder of the tune.
 With a sense of dread, he started again:

                Some-where o-ver the rain-bow, skies are blue,
                And the dreams that you dare to dream, real-ly do come true.

               
Once again he stopped without a trace of memory of what should follow.
 During the succeeding weeks of therapy,
 he often played the clarinet for small groups of friends, 
often with the same virtuosity he had  shown before the tragedy.
 Never, though, did he attempt his favorite piece except when alone in his room.
               
After finishing his rehabilitation,
 he was invited to Paris to play a series of jazz concerts. 
While there, his problem with his favorite song continued to haunt him.
 At all hours of the day and night,
he would pick up his clarinet and begin the song
 but was never able to finish it from memory.
               
One day, during the late afternoon, while watching the sunset 
from the balcony of his fifth floor hotel suite,
 he seized his clarinet and tried to play his favorite song,
 but again he couldn't get past the first 16 bars.
               
He was gripped with panic when no more of the song would come.
 In his panic he fell from the balcony to the street below. 
Quickly, someone called for an ambulance. 
               
As Fred lay dying the tune kept running through his mind.
 Then, in the distance, he heard the static sing-song wail
of the approaching European ambulance.
 He cried out, "That's it:

                Dah-Da, Dah-Da,

                Dah-Da, Dah-Da






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The construction of the Sydney Harbour Bridge








thanks Geoff C




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A  motorcycle police officer stops a driver
 for shooting through a red light.
The driver is a real bastard, 
steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
 demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! 

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.
 The motorist instantly goes on a tirade,
 questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual
orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket
 he puts an "AH" in the lower 
right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. 
He then hands it to 
The 'violator' for his signature.
 The guy signs the ticket angrily, and 
when presented with his copy points to the "AH" 
and demands to know 
what it stands for.

The officer says, 
"That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're 
an asshole!"

Two months later they're in court. 
The 'violator' has a bad driving record 
with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license,
 so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; 
"Officer is this a reasonable facsimile
 of the ticket that you issued to my client?"

Officer responds, 
"Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature
 and mine, same number at the top."

Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking 
or notation on this ticket 
you don't normally make?"

"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative
 there is an "AH," underlined."

"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"

"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."

"Aggressive and hostile?"

"Yes, Sir.

"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"

Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.





~~~~ How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client~~~~

thanks Shelagh N



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PHUN PHACTS













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There are numerous versions of
"Amazing Grace"
on You Tube and elsewhere
Do you have a favourite????
This is mine


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Fun with Words







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What a few years difference makes







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Robot Golf


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POSTERS













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A woman walked into a vet’s waiting room.
 She’s dragging a wet rabbit on a leash.
 The rabbit does not want to be there.
“Sit, Fluffy,” she says.
Fluffy glares at her,
 and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer’s lap, 
getting water all over him.
“I said sit, now there’s a good Fluffy,” says the woman, 
slightly embarrassed.
 Fluffy, wet already,
squats in the middle of the room and urinates.
The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts,
 “Damn it, Fluffy, will you be good?!” 
Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman 
and pursues it out of the office.
As the woman leaves to go after it,
 she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says,
 “I’m sorry, 
I’ve just washed my hare, 
and can’t do a thing with it!”



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Floyd Cramer...Last Date






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Another favourite of mine
Dire Straits
"Walk of Life"




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Super Cool Sporting Pictures














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Summer Fails

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Waldo!!!!!




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Look Twice.....what do you see




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A sailor, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, 
noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice
 on a nearby grave. 


The sailor walked up to the man and asked, 
"When do you expect your friend 
to come up and eat the rice?" 

The old Chinese man replied with a smile, 
"Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers."





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Miscelleaneous








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Vodka Advert

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This Weeks Signs









must have been some party!!










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PHILS PHILOSOPHY


 Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.








3 comments:

Sandee said...

Good ones this week Phil. I stole the motorcycle cop one and the I think to Myself video. I gave you credit for both.

Have a terrific day. ☺

drgeo said...

A particularly good crop Phil!

emperor scott said...

Good post Phil!