558
Top Secret Drum Corps performs at the
Edinburgh Military Tattoo in 2012.
Top Secret Drum Corps is a precision drum corps
based in Basel, Switzerland
and
consists of 25 drummers and color guard members.
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Thanks Kitty L
Its a wonderful World
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Those Funny Animals
Smart Dog
The Cat Diary
#################
A guy was down on Fisherman's Wharf
in San Francisco
when he saw a seafood restaurant
and a sign on the Specials
Board which read,
"Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."
Amazed at the great value, he said
to the waitress,
"$5 each for lobster tails, is that correct?"
"Yes," she said,
"It's our special just for today."
"Well," he said,
"they must be little lobster tails."
"No," she replied,
"It's the really big lobster."
Are you sure they aren't green
lobster tails -
and a little bit tough?"
"No," she said, "it's
the really big red lobster."
"Big red lobster tails, $5
each?", he said, amazed.
"They must be old lobster tails!"
"No, they're definitely
today's."
"Today's big red lobster tails
-
$5 each?", he repeated, astounded.
"Yes," she insisted.
"Well, here's my five
dollars," he said,
"I'll take one.
She took the money and led him to a
table
where she invited him to sit down.
She then sat down next to him, put
her hand on his shoulder,
leaned over close to him and said,
"Once upon a
time there was a really big red lobster..."
PHACTS
A
fly was buzzing along one morning when he saw a lawn mower
someone had left out
in their front yard.
He flew over and sat on the handle,
watching the children
going down the sidewalk on their way to school.
One little boy tripped on a
crack and fell,
spilling his lunch on the sidewalk
. He picked himself up, put
his lunch back in the bag and went on.
But he missed a piece of bologna.
The
fly had not eaten that morning and he sure was hungry.
So he flew down and
started eating the bologna.
In fact he ate so much that he could not fly,
so he
waddled across the sidewalk,
across the lawn, up the wheel of the lawn mower,
up the handle,
and sat there resting and watching the children.
There was still
some bologna laying there on the sidewalk
. He was really stuffed, but that
baloney sure did look good
. Finally temptation got the best of him and he
jumped off the handle
of the lawn mower to fly over to the baloney
. But alas he
was too full to fly and he went splat!!,
killing him instantly.
The moral of
the story:
Don't fly off the handle when you are full of baloney.
Once upon a time, in ancient Greece,
there lived a young man named Benny.
Benny was a really great guy he just
had one fault
(and it's really not all that bad of a fault)!
He loved beautiful
women.
He was fascinated by them.
Blondes, brunettes, red heads, you name it!
If she was beautiful, he was enamored!
Well, Benny, as he grew older, began
to fear that perhaps
beautiful women would no longer be attracted to him.
He
became very concerned.
Extremely concerned.
He began to ponder this dilemma.
And he came up with a plan.
He thought he might call upon the gods,
beseeching
them to grant him eternal life on earth.
And that's exactly what he did.
He
prayed to the gods for many months.
And then one day alighting bolt came
flashing down
and a voice boomed out of the heavens,
"What can we do for
you, Benny?"
Well, Benny was elated.
The gods had
finally made their presence known.
Benny immediately spoke up,
"Please
grant me eternal life on earth,
that I might not become old but stay forever
young."
There ensued a silence from above
about ten minutes to be exact.
And then the voice spoke forth saying,
“We will
grant you eternal life on earth on one condition.
You must NEVER shave again!
Because if you do,
you will immediately be turned into a Grecian
urn!"
Frankly, Benny was shocked!
What a
strange arrangement!
So he pondered it a bit, thinking to himself that it
wasn't a hard arrangement.
He could certainly go without shaving for the rest
of his life,
forever, actually.
That's not much to give up to obtain eternal
youth, forever.
It really only took him about five
minutes to make up his mind.
He replied, "Okay. It's a deal."
More
lighting bolts flashed and then the heavens were quiet.
And Benny was
ecstatic!
Well, years went by.
Not just a few
years. Hundreds of years
. And Benny never grew any older.
He maintained his
youth. Except for one thing.
He was growing an exceedingly long white beardY!
Really long. As you can well imagine.
Most of the women, because he still
looked so young,
were still attracted to Benny.
Except for one very beautiful
red head.
He wasn't able to gain her affections because she responded
most
adversely to his long, white beard.
He tried everything to win her heart.
But
to no avail.
She made it quite clear that she detested his beard.
Benny was in agony.
He truly loved
this red head.
And he began to think within himself,
"It's been hundreds
of years since I made that agreement with the gods
. I'll bet they have
forgotten the deal."
And the more he thought about it,
the more he
convinced himself that so much time had elapsed
that the gods weren't even
around any more.
(Bad pondering, Benny.)
So he finally made up his mind.
He
went to the store, purchased a razor, came home,
entered his bathroom, and with
a few swift strokes of his hand,
he shaved off his long, white beard!
And Kazam!
He was instantly turned
into a Grecian urn!
Which
just goes to show you,
a Benny shaved is a Benny urned!
Surfing Alaska Style
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POSTERS
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-----------------
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THINGS THAT CAN DRIVE A SANE PERSON
INSANE
You have to try on a pair of
sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
The person behind you in the
supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
The elevator stops on every floor
and nobody gets on.
There's always a car riding your
tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
You open a can of soup and the lid
falls in.
It's bad enough that you step in dog
poop,
but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug.
The tiny red string on the Band-Aid
wrapper never works for you.
There's a dog in the neighborhood
that barks at EVERYTHING.
You can never put anything back in a
box the way it came.
Three hours and three meetings after
lunch you look in the mirror
and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your
front tooth.
You drink from a soda can into which
someone has extinguished a cigarette.
You slice your tongue licking an
envelope.
Your tire gauge lets out half the
air while you're trying to get a reading.
A station comes in brilliantly when
you're standing near the radio but buzzes
, drifts and spits every time you move
away.
There are always one or two ice
cubes that won't pop out of the tray.
You wash a garment with a tissue in
the pocket
and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
The car behind you blasts its horn
because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
A piece of foil candy wrapper makes
electrical contact with your filling.
You set the alarm on your digital
clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
The radio station doesn't tell you
who sang that song.
You rub on hand cream and can't turn
the bathroom doorknob to get out.
People behind you on a supermarket
line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
Your glasses slide off your ears
when you perspire.
You can't look up the correct
spelling of a word in the dictionary
because you don't know how to spell it.
You have to inform five different
sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
You had that pen in your hand only a
second ago and now you can't find it.
You reach under the table to pick
something off the floor
and smash your head on the way up.
An elderly couple walked into the lobby of the
Mayo Clinic for a checkup for the
wife.
They spotted a piano in the lobby and thought,
“Why not!”
They've been married for 62
years, and he'll be 90 this year.
Fran & Marlo Cowan playing
impromptu recital together in the atrium of the Mayo Clinic.
The song is Old Grey
Bonnet
Blasts from the past
The girl with a unique voice
Melanie Safka
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Topical
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Mercedes advert
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Wayout Wacky Facts
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Chinese wedding Proposal.....
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the modern world !!!
Texting Lemmings
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WOW
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Awesome pictures from the Internet
This Weeks Signs
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Miscellaneous
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Oh...Shirt
off the coast of Exmouth
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PHILS PHILOSOPHY
Playing for change
have to agree with this.......
---------------
Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and
videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would
like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at
philco@iinet.net.au.
1 comment:
Loved the cat video. Sounds right on the money.
Have a terrific day Phil. :)
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