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G'day All

Its monday again

Toward the end of Sunday service,
the Minister asked,
“How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time,
except one small elderly lady.
“Mrs. Jones?”
“Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any.” She replied, smiling sweetly.
“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight.” she replied.
“Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please
come down in front & tell us all how a person
can live ninety-eight years & not
have an enemy in the world?
”The little sweetheart of a lady tottered
down the aisle,
faced the congregation,
and said: “I outlived the bitches.”

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A man hated his wife's cat and
he decided to get rid of it.
He drove 20 blocks away from
home and dropped the cat there.
The cat was already walking up the
driveway when he approached his home.
The next day, he decided to drop the
cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.
He kept increasing the number of blocks
but the cat kept coming home before him.
At last he decided to drive
a few miles away, turn right,
then left, past the bridge,
then right again and another right
and so on until he reached what
he thought was a perfect spot
and dropped the cat there.
Hour later....
The man calls his wife at home and asked her,
"Jen is the cat there?"
"Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.
Frustrated the man said,"
Put that damn cat on the phone,
I am lost and I need directions!!!




Say no more




The newly-hired bellhop is asking an
older employee what the tips were like.
The senior bellhop tells him,
"Just wait for the Preachers' Convention."
"Why? Are they generous?"
"Let's put it this way.
Last year they showed up with the
Ten Commandments in one hand
and a ten dollar bill in the other,
and when they left they hadn't broken either."



Only a Blonde would ask this question




The new TV reality show in Ireland

At school little billy was told by a classmate

that most adults are hiding

at least one dark secret,

and that this makes it very easy

to blackmail them by saying,

”I know the whole truth.”
Little billy decided to go home and try it out.

He went home, and as he was greeted by his mother
He said, “I know the whole truth.”

His mother quickly handed him $20 and said,

“just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waited for

his father to get home from work,

and greeted him with,

”I know the whole truth.”

billy’s father promptly handed him $50 and said,

“please don’t say a word to your mother!”
Very pleased, the boy was on his way

to school the next day when he saw

the mailman at his front door.

Little billy greeted him by saying,

“I know the whole truth.”
The mailman immediately dropped the mail,

opened his arms saying,

“then come give your daddy a big hug.”

A pretty little beach in Albany

on the South Coast

Very clever

Bette Midler The Rose