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G'day all
Hope you are enjoying whats left of the weekend


Zangy Comment Graphics

Spot the Pommy tourist

Sighted in Cook town [Queensland]

Recruiting any and all pilots
The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided

that he would personally intervene in the recruiting

crisis affecting all of our armed services.

He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be

opened and that all eligible young men

and women be invited.

As he and his staff were standing near a

brand new F-15 Fighter,

a pair of twin brothers who looked like they

had just stepped off a Marine Corps

recruiting poster walked up to them.

The chief of staff walked up to them,

stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

He looked at the first young man and asked,

"Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

. The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"

. The general gets all excited,

turns to his aide and says,

"Get him in today, all the paper work done,

everything, do it!"

. The aide hustles the young man off.

The general looks at the second young man and asked,

"What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man says, "I chop wood!" .

"Son," the general replies,

"we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force,

what do you know how to do?"

. "I chop wood!" .

"Young man," huffs the general,

"you are not listening to me,

we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"

. "Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"

"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"

The young man rolls his eyes and says,

"So what, Ihave to chop it before he can pile it!"

A mortician had a new apprentice

who was learning the embalming ropes.

He walked into the embalming room

where a body was lying on the table.

Thinking he knew enough now to begin

the procedure without his boss,

he began examining the body.

He rolled it over and to his amazement

there was a cork in its ass.
Mystified, he pulled it out,

and immediately heard;

"Good old Collingwood forever"

come out the guys arse.

Startled by what had happened,

he shoved the cork back into the body

and ran up the stairs to find his mentor;

"Sir, you've got to come down and me,

I've just seen something I can't believe."

Annoyed by the naivety of his assistant,

he said OK and followed him downstairs;
"There, look at the cork in the ass of that body,

I couldn't imagine what it was

doing there so I pulled it out.

Please you do it."
The mortician was a bit surprised

to see the cork, too,

so he walked to the table and

removed the cork, and sure enough:-

"Good old Collingwood forever" began to play.
Exasperated, he replaced the cork

in its appointed position,

turned to his assistant and said:

"What's so surprising about that?

I've heard thousands of arseholes sing that song!

-------------------------

THE PATIENT WAITER
A customer was continually bothering

the waiter in a restaurant.

First, he'd asked that the air conditioning

be turned up because he was too hot,

then he asked it be turned down

because he was too cold,

and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient,

he walked back and forth and never once got angry.

So finally, a second customer asked him

why he didn't throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care," said the waiter with a smile.

"We don't even have an air conditioner."

-------------------------

CUTE

A big bull, a middle-sized bull, and a little bull

were walking down a country lane.

They came to a beautiful field of alfalfa,

tall, juicy, and delicious.

There was a convenient hole in the fence,

and the big bull shouldered the other

two aside and went in to eat his fill.

The other two bulls went on down

the lane and came to a clover field,

fragrant, tender and inviting.

The middle-sized bull noticed that the gate was open,

so he shoved the little bull to one side

and went in to enjoy the clover.

The little bull continued down the lane.

Finally he came to the village suburbs,

then to the business area,

to the heart of the village,

and finally to the countryside beyond.

The moral of the story:

a little bull goes a long way.

Sunset on Rottnest Island

Rottnest Island is a holiday island 12 miles

off the west coast due west of Perth and Fremantle

CLASSIC Bobby Vinton Mr Lonely

[A song with some meaning in todays world]