40

Its Tuesday evening already
It has stopped raining but more is forecast for the next couple of days
The West Coast Eagles got a towelling from the Saints on Sunday
and have now dropped to third on the ladder
I' m still sulking



Not sure if the TV show "Yes Minister" was shown in the States
but was very popular down under
Here is a funny excerpt from the series





THE IRISH
At a U2 concert in Ireland Bono asks the audience for some quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence,
he says into the microphone...
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front of the audience pierces the silence...
" Stop Fookin doing it then!"
----------------------
Patent
I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions.
I went to the main desk to sign in
and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out.
She wrote down my personal info
and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, "A folding bottle."
She said, "Okay. What do you call it?"
"A Fottle."
"What else do you have?"
"A folding carton."
"What do you call it?"
"A Farton."
She sniggered and said,
"Those are silly names for products
and one of them sounds kind of crude."
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed
the form and left the office without
even telling her about my folding bucket.
-------------------


EARS

A young man moved into a new apartment of his own
and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the
apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open,
and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said,
"Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment;
she closed the door and leaned against it,
allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him,
"What would you say is my best feature?"

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked,
"It's got to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked,
"My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural.
I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid.
Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere.

How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered ....
"Outside, when you said you heard someone coming....
That was me."



I might have to get a set of these scales




Pickles

An old man turned 115 and

was being interviewed by a reporter for the local paper.

During the interview the reporter noticed that

the yard was full of children of all ages playing together.

A very pretty girl of about 19 served the old man and the reporter,

keeping them in fresh tea and running errands for them.
"Are these your grandkids?" the reporter asked.
"Naw, sir, they all be my younguns,"

the old man replied with a sly grin.
"Your kids?" said the reporter.

"What about this beautiful young lady who keeps bringing us tea?

Is she one of your children too?"
"Naw, sir," said the old man. "She be my wife."
"Your wife?" said the surprised reporter.

"But she can't be more than 19 years old."
"Thass right," said the old man with pride.
"Well, surely you can't have a sex life with you being 115

and she being only 19," the reporter remarked.
"Naw, sir, " said the old man.

"We have sex every night.

Every night two of my boys helps me on it,

and every morning six of my boys helps me off."
"Wait just one minute," said the newspaperman.

"Why does it only take two of your boys to put you on,

but it takes six of them to take you off?"
"Cause," the spry old man said with a balled fist,

"I fights 'em."


Misplaced affection

Good Rock and Roll will live forever

Here it is

My all time John Fogerty favourite

"Bad Moon Arising"