51
Congratulations to the Dockers today who took care of the Eagles,
to keep alive a slim chance of making the eight.
The Eagles slip to fifth and are now looking
precariously close to dropping out of the eight
Only three days to go then am off on a vacation to Nth Queensland
Will try and do another post before leaving
As you can see below ,its the day when I celebrate my birth
[well actually ,its not until Tuesday the 7th]
Anyway, Happy Birthday to me

This looks like my birthday present

Mechanics and Chocolate

A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed,

heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast.

The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks,

"if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store,

do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"

The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.

"The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50.

The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer:

$100 due for a consultation.

The Alabama preacher said to his Congregation,

"Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.

This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.

I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.

Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness

from God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory.

Now stand and confess your transgression. "
Again all was quiet.
Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew.

Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke,

"Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.

I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

I simply told a couple of my friends you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fainted,

and the congregation roared.

[Lifted from Miss Cellania]



World Drinking Map [by age]

A doctor wanted to get off work and play golf,

so he approachedhis Irish assistant, Paddy.

"I'm going golfing tomorrow Paddy

and I want you to take careof the clinic and our patients."

"Yes, sir !" said Paddy.

The doctor goes off to golf and returns the following day and asks:

"So Paddy, how was your day?"

Paddy told him he took care of three patients.

"The first one had a headache so I gave him Panadol."

"Bravo Mate and the second one ?"

"The second one had stomach burning, so I gave him Aspirin."

"Excellent. You're good at this, and what about the third ?"

"Well I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters.

Like a woman possessed, she undresses herself,

taking offeverything and lies on the table and shouts :

"HELP ME ! For five years I haven't seen a man !"

"Good God, says the doctor. What did you do ?"

"I put drops in her eyes !!"




Iam tempted to comment, but I'll bite my tongue

Fun Facts About Australia -that I came accross
· No part of Australia is more than 1000 km from the ocean and a beach
· (The point in the world that's the furthest from any ocean would be in China.)
· Australia has the world's largest cattle station (ranch).

At 30,028 km2 it is almost the same size as Belgium.
· Population density in Australia is usually calculated in km2 per person, not people per km2.
· Australians have 380,000 m2 per person available.

Yet well over 90% are cramming into our coastal cities.

(Don't ask me why, I sure prefer to be in the Outback.)
· We call Australian's from Queensland "banana benders",

and people from Western Australia "sandgropers".
· Tasmania has the cleanest air in the world.
· The Great Barrier Reef has a mailbox.

You can ferry out there and send a postcard,

stamped with the only Great Barrier Reef stamp.
· The Australian Alps, or Snowy Mountains as they are also known,

receive more snow than Switzerland.
· Melbourne has the second largest Greek population in the world, after Athens.



Some Cat cartoons

A man boarded an airplane in Sydney, Australia, with a box of crabs.
A female crew member took it and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator,
which she did.
The man advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the
crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant and rave about what would happen if
she let them thaw out.
Shortly before landing, she announced to the entire cabin,

"Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in Sydney,

please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up ...

so she took them home and ate them herself!

Bob died. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.

"Well, I'm sure Bob would be pleased," she said.

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned inclose.

"How much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty-thousand."

"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"

Helen answered, "The funeral was $6,500.

I donated $500 to the church.

The wake, food and drinks were another $500.

The rest went for the memorial stone."

Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big isit?!"

"Two and a half carats."

Some People Never Retire........

One day, while walking to the store,

I passed by a nursing home.

On the front lawn were 6 old ladies lying naked on the grass.

I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.

On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home

with the same 6 old ladies laying naked on the lawn.

This time my curiosity got the best of me and

I went inside to talk to the manager.

"Do you know there are 6 ladies laying naked on your front lawn?"

"Yes," he said.

"They are retired prostitutes, and they're having a yard sale."



Aussie classic from the 80's

Men at Work-"Down Under"