52

G'day By the time some of you read this I will be winging my way across the country to hopefully sunny Queensland

Have purchased a new digital camera and if I happen to take any half decent shots will post them on my return on August 24th

So this this is a bumper issue to keep you going

A couple of funny Toyota adverts

[Thanks Peter Pelham]

THE BEST COMEBACK LINE EVER

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio the other day
and you'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning
guns and children.

It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and
General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting
his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you
going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE: We're going to teach them climbing,
canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised
on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly
dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see how. We will be teaching them
proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but
you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.
[Thanks Glynis Geen]

MEDICARE COVERAGE IN A NUTSHELL
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,

"Hello."

"Mrs. Smith, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Smith, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory.

When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday,

a biopsy from another Mr. Smith arrived as well,

and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's.

Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Smith asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's

and the other one tested positive for AIDS.

We can't tell which is your husband's."

"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Smith.

"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive Tests one time."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband

off somewhere in the middle of town.

If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.

[Thanks Peter Arthur Qld]

DOHA (Reuters) - The tiny Gulf state of Qatar,

famed mainly for having the Arab world's largest reserves of natural gas,

added another record to its name Tuesday

-- one of the world's most expensive telephone numbers.

At a charity event in the capital of Doha,

a Qatari bidder paid $2.75 million for the mobile phone number 666-6666.

The winner, who made the highest bid 10 minutes into the auction,

declined requests for interviews.

Eight people took part in the auction,

organized by Qatar Telecom to help raise funds for charity,

paying 3,000 Qatari riyals ($824.60) per ticket.

Funds from the ticket sales were given to a local charity,

while the 10 million riyals from the sale of the number

will be used to expand medical services.

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town

he planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me.

He is well- groomed and very well behaved.

Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote:

"I've been operating this hotel for many years.

In all that time,

I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls.

I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly.

And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.

Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel.

And, if your dog will vouch for you,

you're welcome to stay here, too


Stevio Pass road in the Italian Alps near

Bormio and Suden

75km from the swiss border

As a member of the Cloud appreciation Society

I think you will agree this is a great shot
Tunnel Clouds

Minneapolis Bridge
an aerial shot of the bridge collapse and a close up view

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

Onenight, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,

he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child,

he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card,

and write "Spaghetti" on the back.

He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce."

[Thanks Kathy Pearce]



The life of a druggie

Mug shots of a girl from New York

Taken over a 15 year period

It shows the effects of drug abuse

How do you tell the difference between a New Zealand Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer, and an American Police Officer?

Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner,

locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock .17, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

NZ POLICE OFFICERS

Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway,

and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 1-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day

and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behaviour.

If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away,

Do I get blamed when he falls over running away, knocks his head and kills himself?

If I shoot him, and lose the court case,

does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job,

my credibility and I will lose my family home? .

AUSTRALIAN OFFICERS

Answer: BANG!

AMERICAN OFFICERS

Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click....(sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"
[Thanks Jim King]

Who wants to be a millionaire?

Perhaps you could phone a freind

But bad luck he's too old and dishonest

Howard 2008

Real Advertisements
I hope they meant to say something else. . .
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A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene,

got married and just couldn'tseem to get enough lovin'.

In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love.

When Homer came back from thefields, they made love.

And again at bedtime, they made love.

The problem was their nooner:

it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields

and he just wasn't getting enough work done.

Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.

"Homer," said the doctor,

"just take your rifle out to the field with you and when you're in the mood,

fire off a shot into the air.

That will be Darlene's signal to come out to you.

Then you won't lose any field time."

They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while until one day,

when Homer came back to the doctor's office.

"What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"

"Oh, it worked real good," said Homer.

"Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off ashot like you said and Darlene'd come runnin'.

We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home agin."

"Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.

"Ah mighta trained her too good.

I ain't seen her since huntin'season started."

No caption necessary

Amazing video

Louis "Satchmo"Armstrong and Johnny Cash

Blue Yodel no 9





Watch these two video clips and you know why I rate Judith Durham as Australia's best female singer

Judith with the Seekers "Speak to the Sky"



Judith with the Seekers "Just a closer walk with Thee"