70

Welcome to blog no 70

Last night whilst doing my normal blog [no 69] my computer decided to play silly games

and wouldn't let me upload anything halfway thru the post.

So in frustration I published what I had, and went to bed

To read blog 69 click on sidebar, or Older Post at the end of this blog

In blog 68 there was a video of a bloke walking on water

To find out how it is done, read the comments on blog 68

The first world golf trick shot championships

and for the golfer who has everything

A blonde tried to sell her old car.

She was having a lot of problems selling it,

because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.
The brunette told her,

"There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette.

"Here is the address of a friend of mine.

He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will 'fix it'.

Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.

About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde,

"Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde,

"Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

----------

The Rookie Cop
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner.

A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

The rookie rolled down his window and said,

"Let's get off the corner people."

A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again...

"I SAID, let's get off that corner... NOW!"

Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked,

"Well, how did I do?"

Pretty good," chuckled the vet,

"especially since this is a bus stop!"

------

A young journalism student at the University of Tennessee

was assigned to write a human interest story.

He went into the mountains to do some research.

There, he found an old farmer sitting on his porch, introduced himself,

and explained his mission.

The young man asked, "Has anything ever happened around here that made you really happy?"
After a moment, the farmer said,

"Yeah, one time my neighbour's daughter, a fine looking gal, got lost.

We formed a posse and found her.

After we all made love with her, we took her back home."
"I can't print that!" the young man exclaimed.

"Can't you think of anything else that happened that made you happy?"
The farmer thought for a minute and smiled,

"Yep! One time a neighbour's sheep got lost.

We formed a posse and found it.

Then we all made love with it, and then took it back home."
Again, the young man said, "I can't print that, either.

Let's try another approach.

Has anything ever happened around here that made you really sad?"
The old farmer dropped his head as if he were ashamed,

and after a few seconds he looked up timidly at the young man and said,

"This one time, I got lost."
------------------------

A tourist walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display.

While he was there, an officer from the local USAF base walked in

and said to the shopkeeper

"I'll take a 6114 monkey, please.

"The shopkeeper nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey.

He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the officer, saying,

"That'll be $2,000, please."

The officer paid and left with the monkey.

The surprised tourist went to the shopkeeper and said,

"That was a very expensive monkey.

Most of them are only a few hundred pounds.

Why did that one cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered,

"Ah, that 6114 monkey, he can rig aircraft flight controls,

score 300 on the Army Personal Fitness Test,

set up a perimeter defence and perform the duties of any warrant officer

with no back talk or complaints.

It's well worth the money".

The tourist then spotted a monkey in another cage.

"That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?" he asked."

Oh, that one" replied the shopkeeper.

"That's a "Maintenance Supervisor" monkey.

It can instruct at all levels of maintenance, supervise maintenance at the unit,

intermediate, and Depot level, and even do most of the paperwork.

A very useful monkey indeed".

The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage.

The price tag was $50,000.

The shocked tourist exclaimed, "This one costs more than all the others put together!

What in the world can it do???"

"Actually"- said the shopkeeper-

"I've never actually seen him do anything

but drink beer and play with his little willy,

but his papers say… he's a Pilot."

-We work like a horse.

We eat like a pig.

We like to play chicken.

You can get on someone's goat.

We can be as slippery as a snake.

We get dog tired.

We can be as quiet as a mouse.

We can be as quick as a cat.

Some of us are as strong as an ox.

Some are as ugly as a toad.

We can be as gentle as a lamb.

Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.

Some of us drink like a fish.

We can be as proud as a peacock.

A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.

You can get a frog in your throat.

We can be a lone wolf.

But I'm having a whale of a time!-----------

Now I know a lot of you like me posting some nostalgia video's

So here we go

Kevin Johnson...Rock and Roll I gave you the best years of my life

Ricky Nelson.........Hello Mary Lou

And today we learnt of the passing of Teresa Brewer

Here she is with a medley of her hits

Teresa Brewer

70