Phils Phun

89
Christmas 2007 is almost upon us
Father Christmas wishes you and your family all the best for the festive season

Seen leaving the Foster Carers annual childrens party

Thats Dave on his Harley-Davison

[picture courtesy of Colin Devlin..thanks Col]

Silent Night...Enya

Jingle Bells.....Cool

OOMSA.com - video powered by Metacafe

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco.

The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus

was missing from among the figures of the nativity set.

Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon,

and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.

So he walked up to the boy and said,

"Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?"
The little boy replied, "I got him from the church."
"And why did you take him?"
The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas

I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon

for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."

---

Some Christmas Cartoons

If you are one of those who leave your shopping until the last minute

Beware

Gifts

Some bizzare Christmas gift ideas

For the man who is into toys

I reckon I should buy about 100 of these and distribute them

Novel gift for the wife

Novel gift for the man

Now, I won't dob in the person that sent me this Christmas list

However, I might print it out and hang it on the fridge

Train Snow Plough

Two sea monsters were swimming around the ocean,

looking for somethingto do.

They came up underneath a ship that was hauling potatoes.

Bob,the first sea monster, swam underneath the ship, tipped it over

and ate everything on the ship

.A little while later, they came up to another ship, again hauling potatoes.

Bob again capsizes the ship and eats everything on board.

The third ship they found was also hauling potatoes

and Bob once again capsized it and ate everything.

Finally his buddy Bill asked him,

"Why do you keep tipping over those ships full of potatoes and eating everything on board?"

Bob replied,"I wish I hadn't, but I just can't help myself once I start.

Everyone knows you can't eat just one potato ship

Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering

of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York State.

She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every

Native American's present standard of living,

should she one day become the first female President.

She referred to her career as a New York Senator,

how she had signed "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval.

Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan,

she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas

for helping her "red sisters and brothers."

At the conclusion of her speech,

the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name -

Walking Eagle.

The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade,

waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they come

to select the new name given to the Senator.

They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given

to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

------

Concentrate...

How many circles can you see?

There are quite a few

Arthur is 90 years old.

He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 yearsago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it", he tells his wife.

"I'm giving up golf. Myeye sight has got so bad...

once I've hit the ball, I can'tsee where it went."

His wife sympathizes, and makes him a cup of tea.

As they sit down she says,

"Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try".

"That's no good" sighs Arthur. "Your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help".

"He may be a hundred and three", says the wife,

"but his eyesight is perfect"

.So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course withhis brother-in-law.

He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down thefairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law.

"Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!"

"Where did it go?" says Arthur

."I can't remember".
[thanks to Robert Doohan]

Cartoon of the Week

Mural

You have to look at this and once you have the mural open on your screen -

click on any square and see the detail open before your eyes -

WOW

Have a look at this phenomenal work done on a mural in Cochrane Alberta.

Cochrane is a nice western style country town about 14 kilometers north west of Calgary.

Due to the heavy influx of people moving to Alberta (about 3000 per month)

Calgary has become overcrowded and housing is at a premium.

As a result more people are finding homes outside the city in nearby towns and communities. Cochrane is one of these communities

that has become of late a residential community for many people with working jobs in Calgary. This tile mural is a recent artistic project completed in their town.

It is an amazing piece of work.....if you look at each tile individually....

you can see how extremely different they all are.....

yet someone was able to assemble all the tiles together to form one large mural

This mural was unveiled recently at the Cochrane Ranche House.

Each tile is 1 foot square, is it's own individual picture and each is by a different artist.

All of them together form this huge mural.

You can click on each of the tiles to see them in detail. Check out the horse's eye.

Click here: Town of Cochrane Mural Mosaic
[thanks to Geoff Collins for this link]

For the Golfers out there

Its now easier to get a hole in one

Should be just nice for Robert Pearce

Lawyers!!

A LAST WISH

An elderly spinster called a lawyer's office and told the receptionist

she wanted to see a lawyer about having a will prepared

. The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time

for the spinster to come into the office.

The spinster replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone,

and I don't like to go out.

Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?"

The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and

he went to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will.

The lawyer's first question was,

"Would you please tell me what you have in assets

and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?

"She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here,

I have $100,000 in my savings account at the bank."

The lawyer asked, "How would you like the $100,000 distributed?"

The spinster said, "As I have told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people hardly noticed me,

so I'd like to spend $95,000 on my funeral.

The lawyer remarked, "Well, for $95,000 you will be able to have a funeral

that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression!

But tell me," he continued, "what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"

The spinster replied, "I've never married, I've lived alone almost my entire life

and in fact I've never slept with a man.

Before I die, I'd like to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me."

"This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said,

"but I'll see what I can do and get back with you."

That evening the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric spinster

and her weird request.

After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000,

and with a bit of coaxing,

she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself.

The next morning she drove him to the spinster's house

and waited while he went into the house.

She waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't come out.

So she blew the car horn.

Shortly the upstairs bedroom window opened,

the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled,

"Pick me up in a couple of days!

She's going to let the County bury her!"

---

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?

A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?

A: Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

A: Senator.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

A: You cry when you cut up an onion.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?

A: Your honor.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

A: His partners.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

A: His lips are moving.

Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?

A: Not enough cement.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?

A: Chelsea Clinton

Q: How does an attorney sleep?

A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.

Q: What's the difference between a shame and a pity?

A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that's known as a pity.

If there were any empty seats, that's a shame.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.

Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?

A: Just say, "Fees!"

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

---

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night,

when the Devil appeared before him.
The Devil said to the lawyer,

“I have a proposition for you.

You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life.

Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you,

and you will make embarrassing sums of money.

All I want in exchange is your soul,

your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents,

and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.”
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked,
“So, what’s the catch?”
---------

The truth is out