Wednesday, December 26, 2007




90
Posting a day early again, as am off to Jurien Bay again to work for a few days
Christmas 2007 has come and gone
Record breaking temperatures here in the West, the past two days with the mercury
rising to over 40 degrees Celsius.. [44 today]
Bloody hot... Air conditioner is working overtime

Funny Video

Warning..may offend some




Todays Cartoons








Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.
"Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?"
"I don't know," Sid replied.
"Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Al asked him,
"Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.
He returned in a few minutes and said,
"No, sir. No, Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked.
"I will check again, sir," the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said,
"I cannot believe there are no Jews in China.
Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again
."I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated.
"We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews,
but we have no Chinese Jews."




Mummy Spider and babies



A man was on holiday in the Caribbean and, liking the warm tropical weather
settled down for a day's sunbathing.
He fell asleep, and after a whole day his legs became sunburned beyond belief.
He could hardly stand the pain.
He decided to go to the doctor for treatment.
The doctor looked at his lobster-coloured legs and shook his head.
"You must realize that this is only a small village medical facility," he explained.
"I've really got nothing at all to help you.
However, try taking this just before bedtime..."
The doctor gave him one tablet of Viagra.
Puzzled, the man asked,
"I've got acute sunburn: what's a Viagra tablet going to do?"
"Not a thing for the sunburn," the doctor replied,
"but it will keep the sheets off your legs."
-------
The woman knelt in the confessional and said,
"Bless me, father, for I have sinned."
"What is it, child?"
"Father, I have committed the sin of vanity.
Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at her and said,
"My dear, I have good news.
That isn't a sin--it's only a mistake."

Nothing is safe...not even on Mars





Try telling this one after a few drinks........
What do you call a donkey with one leg?
A wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind?
A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes?
A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes and playing piano?
A plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes, playing piano and driving a Bus?
Talented
-------

This is an incredible story.
Read to the end to see the photos.
A bear was walking across the " Rainbow Bridge" in Truckee California,
on the I-80,California /Nevada State line,
when two cars also crossed the bridge from both directions.
The bear was so scared, with no place to run, made a leap over the side of the bridge.
The motorists stopped their cars in horror of what just happened
and ran to the edge to see how badly the bear was injured.
To their amazement, they saw that bear had somehow grasped the lower ledge
of the bridge support as it fell and pulled itself b ack up.
The authorities were notified that night and after making an assessment,
they decided there was nothing that could be done until the following morning.
Authorities returned at day break to find the bear sleeping on the led ge of the bridge support.
A large, construction style,safety net was hung under the bridge
and the bear was shot with a tranquildart then safely lowered to the ground below.
The first line sounds like the opening of a bad joke but here are the pictures...





[Thanks to Peter Pelham for this]



What a Wonderful World




Punctuation is very important
Dear John:I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy–will you let me be yours? Gloria

Dear John:I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Gloria

Yet, the only difference is the punctuation.






An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink.
As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked,
"Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences,
and branding cattle, so I guess I am.
"She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.
As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women.
When I shower, I think about women.
As I watch TV, or even eat, I think about women.
Everything seems to make me think about women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A short time later, a man sat down on the other side of the old Cowboy and asked,
"Are you a real Cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was,
but I just found out I'm a lesbian"
------------



Female urologist
There are over 11,000 male urologists in the US.
But now a few women have entered the field.
A man goes to a female urologist for an exam.
The female doctor says, "I am going to check your prostate today,
but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to.
I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees,
then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say 99."
The guy obeys and says, "99!!!"
The doctor says, "Great. Now turn over on your left side, bend your knees and again,
while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say 99."
Again, the guy says, "99."
The doctor said, "Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I am going to check your prostate with this hand
and with the other hand I am going to hold on to your "unit."
Now take a deep breath and say 99."
The guy says, "One..two...three..."
Today's Music
Something to brighten your holidays
Boney M ....Hooray Hooray Its a Holly Holiday!

and Debbie Harry from 1979
Blondie...Heart of Glass







4 comments:

dolly said...

at least you have air conditioning

Phils Phun said...

You canay that again
Ithink I will move to Jurien Bay
Just returned
Its on the coast
Beautiful seabreezes blowing to keep the Temperature down

Tracy said...

Happy New Year Phil! Hope you and your family had a wonderful Christmas as well.
Jurien Bay sounds fantastic.
It is bloody freezing here as usual :)
Will write more later as I think they are closing the computer lab now.

Phils Phun said...

Hi Tracy
Great to hear from you
No need to write emails if you haven't the time
Just post a comment from time to time
Take care
Phil
Give my regards to all my friends in WI