Aussie Toilet paper
Some fancy Ice Skating
thanks Jennie Simmons
A Public Service Announcement
stolen fromShelleys Snippets
This is a public service for Women to better understand men
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working,
I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice
as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.
If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it,
though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator instead (applies to engineers only)
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or new ways for sex.
I have to make up something else when you ask, so just don't ask.
thanks Gordon Hamilton
A motorcycle officer stops a man for running a red light.
The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the motor officer.
The violator demands to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.
The "Motorist" instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms.
The officer, being a professional, takes it all in stride, figuring "battleship mouth and rowboat ass".
The tirade goes on without the cop saying anything.
When he gets done with writing the citation he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the citation.
He then hands it to the "Violator" for his signature.
The guy signs the cite angrily, tearing the paper, and when presented his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer then removes his mirrored sunglasses, gets in the middle of the guy's face and said, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember you're an asshole!"
Three months later they are in court.
The "Violator" has such a bad record he is about to lose his license and has hired an attorney to represent him.
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.
Under cross-examination, the defense attorney asks, "Officer, is this a reasonable facsimile of the citation you issued my client?"
Officer responds, "Yes sir, this is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."
Attorney: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this citation you don't normally make?"
Officer: "Yes sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an 'AH', underlined."
Attorney: "What does the AH stand for, officer?"
Officer: "Aggressive and Hostile, Sir."
Attorney: "Aggressive and hostile?"
Officer: "Yes, Sir?"
Attorney: "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for Asshole?"
Officer: "Well, Sir, you know your client better than I do."
Louis Armstrong....What a Wonderful World
Snow White received a digital camera as a gift.
She took pictures of the dwarfs and the forest creatures
She didn't have a printer, so she took the card to a store to have the photos printed.
She returned a few days later but was told there had been a malfunction
Snow White was so disappointed that she wept.
The store clerk tried to console her, saying,
Someday your prints will come."
Dr Spock I presume
The other one said,
The other one thought for a minute, and with a puzzled look replied,
A drunk man is sitting on the sidewalk next to a bar.
- Hey! Do you know who I am ?
- No I don’t. Who are you ?
- I’m Jesus Christ, and I can proove it.
They both enter the bar.
- Jesus, you again