Sunday, April 27, 2008

ANZAC Day weekend is almost over
Footy is over for another week [Eagles lost again]
Back to work tomorrow.
I need something to brighten up my day
How about this video?

Aussie Toilet paper

Some fancy Ice Skating

thanks Jennie Simmons

A Public Service Announcement

stolen fromShelleys Snippets

This is a public service for Women to better understand men
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working,
I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice
as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.

If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it,
though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator instead (applies to engineers only)
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.

The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or new ways for sex.
I have to make up something else when you ask, so just don't ask.

thanks Gordon Hamilton

A motorcycle officer stops a man for running a red light.

The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the motor officer.
The violator demands to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.

The "Motorist" instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms.

The officer, being a professional, takes it all in stride, figuring "battleship mouth and rowboat ass".
The tirade goes on without the cop saying anything.

When he gets done with writing the citation he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the citation.

He then hands it to the "Violator" for his signature.
The guy signs the cite angrily, tearing the paper, and when presented his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer then removes his mirrored sunglasses, gets in the middle of the guy's face and said, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember you're an asshole!"
Three months later they are in court.

The "Violator" has such a bad record he is about to lose his license and has hired an attorney to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.

Under cross-examination, the defense attorney asks, "Officer, is this a reasonable facsimile of the citation you issued my client?"
Officer responds, "Yes sir, this is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

Attorney: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this citation you don't normally make?"
Officer: "Yes sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an 'AH', underlined."
Attorney: "What does the AH stand for, officer?"
Officer: "Aggressive and Hostile, Sir."
Attorney: "Aggressive and hostile?"
Officer: "Yes, Sir?"
Attorney: "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for Asshole?"
Officer: "Well, Sir, you know your client better than I do."


Video Request
One of my avid readers from Kalgoorlie Esther Roadnight requested
Louis Armstrong....What a Wonderful World

The answer is C

Snow White received a digital camera as a gift.
She took pictures of the dwarfs and the forest creatures
and she quickly filled her memory card.
She didn't have a printer, so she took the card to a store to have the photos printed.
She returned a few days later but was told there had been a malfunction
and her prints would be late.
Snow White was so disappointed that she wept.
The store clerk tried to console her, saying,
"Don't worry.
Someday your prints will come."

Dr Spock I presume

Two elderly ladies were in the supermarket at a long checkout line.
They were discussing hair care.
Apparently the husband of one of them had a particularly bad case of dandruff.
The other one said,
"My husband used to have that problem until I gave him Head and Shoulders.
And that cured it."
The other one thought for a minute, and with a puzzled look replied,
"How do you give shoulders?"

Great Photo

A wife asked her husband:
"What do you like most in me,my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
"I like your sense of humour."

Fair enough

This one of those songs that just hit it off ......For some reason it just appeals to me
Jesse Colter......I'm not Lisa
"I'm Not Lisa"
is a popular 1975 country and pop song by country music artist Jessi Colter.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
History"I'm Not Lisa" has been said to be one of country music's greatest songs of all time.
It was first recorded by Jessi Colter in 1975.
Colter, the wife of country singer Waylon Jennings,
was trying to establish her own career in country music.
She wanted to go into the category of outlaw country music with her husband
and other artists like Willie Nelson and Sammi Smith.
She had recorded numerous duets with Jennings before writing any material on her own.
"I'm Not Lisa" was one of the first songs she wrote the music to.
The lyrics were written by a ghostwriter.
Colter liked the song and decided to record it under her label Capitol Records.
The song was then featured on her debuting 1975 album I'm Jessi Colter.
The song soon was released as a single.
"I'm Not Lisa" climbed the country charts that year and went directly to #1.
"I'm Not Lisa" also achieved huge pop success.
The song reached the Top 5 on the pop charts that year
and made a Colter a household name.
"I'm Not Lisa" became Colter's signature song.
"I'm Not Lisa" was one of the early crossover country songs by a female artist,
and Colter's only crossover hit.
Lynn Anderson, Skeeter Davis, and Patsy Cline would also achieve country-crossover success during the 1970s.
"I'm Not Lisa" proved to be one of Colter's greatest achievements.
Not only did she sing on the song, but Colter also played the keyboard in the recording.
The song has also been classified as one of the greatest hits of the 1970s,
reaching many '70s compilation albums.

A drunk man is sitting on the sidewalk next to a bar.
A stranger sees him and asks him if he needs help walking home.
The drunk man answers:
- Hey! Do you know who I am ?
- No I don’t. Who are you ?
- I’m Jesus Christ, and I can proove it.
Come with me.
They both enter the bar.
The bartender sees them and shouts:
- Jesus, you again

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