131

34 hits in 34 seconds


stolen fromShelleys Snippets






Burma [Myanmar]

My four-year old Grandson is learning to read.

Yesterday he pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,

'Look Grandpa! It's a frickin' elephant!'

I took a deep breath, and then asked..

.'What did you call it?''

It's a frickin' elephant, Grandpa!

It says so on the picture!'and so it does...

'A f r i c a n Elephant'

So much said about phonetics.
Thanks Shelley Shelleys Snippets

Smile Kid!!!

Now, what seems to be the problem

Tell , Uncle Teddy all about it

An Octogenarian, who was an avid golfer,

moved to a new town andjoined the local Country Club.

He went to the Club for the first time to play,

but he was told there wasn't anyone with whom he could play because

they were already out on the course.

He repeated several times that he really wanted to play.

Finally, the Assistant Pro said he would play with him

and asked how many strokes he wanted for a bet.

The 80 year old said, "I really don't need any strokes,

because I have been playing quite well.

The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps."

And he did play well.

Coming to the par four 18th they were all even.

The pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and 2-putt for a par.

The old man had a nice drive,

but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green.

Playing from the bunker, he hit a high ball which landed on the green

and rolled into the hole!

Birdie, match and all the money!

The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing in the trap.

He said, "Nice shot,

but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?"

Replied the Octogenarian,

"I do. Please give me a hand."

stolen fromBig Shot Bob in Texas



Oh ! for some ice

Oh! for some ice

The future is man made

We are all born free and equal...Youth for Human rights

I love kids , how can anyone possibly harm them

Today's Cartoons [Misc]

A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from major surgery.

She hated being stuck in the tiny little room all day

and to make matters worse, the daily routine was starting to get to her.

Every morning, for example, the nurse would bring her breakfast

(which always consisted of an egg, piece of toast, and glass of apple juice).

She would then return a little bit later to empty the urine bottle.
And so it continued...
Finally, one morning, she decided to have a little fun.

She ate the eggs and the toast,

but went to the bathroom where she cleaned the urine bottle out,

then poured the apple juice into it.

When the nurse returned later that morning,

he took a look at the bottle and a frown came over his face.
"Obviously, you enjoyed your breakfast,

but something must be wrong because this looks a little cloudy," he said,

pointing to the urine bottle.
"Oh, really?" the patient replied, picking up the bottle in question and putting it to her lips.

"In that case, we’d better run it through again..."
Stolen from
Miss Cellania

A farmer purchases an old, run-down,

abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise.

The fields are grown over with weeds,

the farmhouse is falling apart,

and the fences are collapsing all around.

During his first day of work,

the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying,

"May you and The Lord work together to make this the farm of your dreams!"

A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer.

Lo and behold, it's like a completely different place -

the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition,

there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens,

and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows.

"Amazing!" the preacher says.

"Look what The Lord and you have accomplished together!"

"Yes, Reverend," says the farmer,

"but remember what the farm was like when The Lord was working it alone!"




Some old Adverts from long ago

Music

One hit wonder

Kevin Johnson [a Aussie] achieved worldwide fame with his only hit record

Kevin Johnson......Rock and Roll, I gave you the best years of my life

Chlidrens books [Idon't think so]

Naughty joke... but a pretty good come back line
A divorced man meets his ex-wife's new husband at a party.

Later, after knocking back a few drinks,

he goes over to the new guy and asks him:

'So... How do you like using second hand stuff?

'The new husband replies:

'It isn't that bad.

Past the first 2 inches it'sall brand new.'