Wednesday, June 11, 2008


Every time I see or listen to The Seekers it makes me proud to be an Aussie
From their farewell tour
Judith Durham and the Seekers...Time and Again
Jammo who has lived in Australia long enough to be an Aussie, but still claims New Zealand heritage, sent me this Kiwi version of a great joke
Cheers David

Durind a tour of NZ, the Pope took a couple of days off to
visit the ocean for some sightseeing.
He was cruising along the beach at Wanganui in his car,
when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore.
A helpless man wearing a green and gold Aussie rugby
jersey was struggling frantically to free himself, from the
jaws of a 5-metre shark.
As the Pope watched horrified, a Waka cruised up along-side with two men
wearing All Black jerseys.
Rangi quickly threw a harpoon into the shark's side.
Hohepa reached out and pulled the mauled, bleeding
and semi-conscious Aussie from the water.
Then, using long clubs,Rangi and Hohepa killed the shark and hauled it into the boat. Immediately the Pope summoned them to the beach,
'I give you my blessing for your brave actions,' he told them.
'I heard that there was some bitter rivalry between New Zealand and
Australia, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is
not true.'
As the Pope drove off, Rangi asked Hohepa 'Who the hell was that, bro?' '
That was the Pope cuz' Hohepa replied.
'He's in direct contact with God bro, and has access to all of God's wisdom.'
'Well' Rangi said, 'he may have access to God's wisdom,
but he don't know bugger all about shark fishing...
Is the bait holding up okay, or do we need to get another Aussie?


Another song from the Seekers [1968]
Colours of my life

Have been a fan of Gordon Lightfoot for many a year and think this is one of his best
Gordon Lightfoot....Early morning rain

Burial at Sea
Chrisy and Barbie, two blonde sisters, had promised their uncle,
who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life,
to bury him at sea when he died.
Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two kept their promise.
They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag
and loaded onto their rowboat.
After a while Chrisy says, 'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?'
Barbie slipped over the side and finding the water only knee deep said,
'Nope, not yet Chrisy'.
So... they row a little farther.
Again Chrisy asks Barbie, 'Do you think we're out far enough now?'
Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says,
'No, this will never do, the water is only up to my chest.'
So... on they row and row and row,
and finally Barbie slips over the side and disappears.
Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Chrisy is really getting worried
when suddenly Barbie breaks the surface, gasping for breath.
'Well is it deep enough yet, Sis?'
''Yes, finally. Hand me the shovel.'

Is this upside down?????

Clam digger
A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island.
For twenty years he never sees another human being.
Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off,
washes up on a piece of driftwood.
He explains to her how he existed for twenty years,
digging for clams, and eating fruits and berries.
She says, "Well, what did you do for love?"
He says, "Love? What's that?"
She says, "I'll show you."
She shows him.
Then she shows him again.
Then she shows him one more time.
When they're finally done, she says,
"Well, how do you like love?"
He says, "It's great.
But look what you did to my clam digger."

It will probably be full of hot air, just like the one I've already got

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What kind of little girl w as your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a week
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on
.Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3 Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic; they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Dye it. You know her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
Thanks to Don Henry
Funny Video

Remind me not to visit this Museum



Condom Ad

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