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Relax and Enjoy
ABBA......I have a dream
[love the bit at the end when they sing with the kids]




Banned Mercedes advert

It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.
The old man couldn’t believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one. This went on and on until finally the old man couldn’t take it any more since he hadn’t caught a thing all this time.
He went to the boy and said, “Son, I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?”
The boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.”
“What was that?” the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.”
“Look,” said the old man, “I can’t understand a word you are saying.”
So, the boy spit into his hand and said, “You have to keep the worms warm!”

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Meet the Bear Family



A couple had not been married for long,
when the husband came home one day to find that his bride had disappeared.
He got very worried and gathered up all his friends
to search for his wife with no success.
Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home
to find her in the kitchen.
He asked her what she had been up to and
why she hadn't been home for so long.
She replied: "These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week." The husband answered: "But it's only been two days what do you mean a week?" "I’m just here to make them some sandwiches."
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Bogged [not going nowhere]

Banned Bridgestone advert





Often wondered what happened to Skippy the bush Kangaroo

Akmed came to the United States from the Middle East,

and he was only here a few months when he became very ill.

He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arab doctor.

The doctor said,

"Take dees bucket, go into de odder room, shit in de bucket, piss on de shit,

and den put your head down over de bucket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes."

Akmed took the bucket, went into the other room, shit in the bucket, pissed on the shit,

bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said,

"It worked. I feel terrific!

What was it?"

The doctor said, "You were homesick."

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Karate School

Cartoons

More ABBA

[for all those prima donnas, divas and wannabees out there

This is how to sing..Take notes

ABBA....Chiquitita [in Spanish]




A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport.

It was after midnight.

While en route to his home, he asked the cabbie if he would be a witness.

The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act.

For $100, the cabby agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabbie tiptoed into the bedroom.

The husband switched on the light, yanked the blanket back

and there was his wife in bed with another man.

The husband put a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife shouted, "Don't do it!

This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money.

He paid for the SS Commodore I bought for you.

He paid for our new cabin cruiser.

He paid for your Melbourne Storm season tickets.

He paid for our house at Portsea.

He paid for our golf club membership, and he even pays the monthly mortgage!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun.

He looked over at the cab driver and said,

"What would you do, if you were me?"

The cabbie replied,

"I'd cover his arse up with that blanket before he catches a cold!"

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Cute and Funny

Coke versus Pepsi

Creative fancy dress party

One year at Halloween the governor was giving a costume party.

All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman

would announce what there characters were.

When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse".

As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane"

and so on as each guest arrived.

Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants

but apart from that totally naked from head to toe.

"Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman.

Having ascertained that the man was indeed

an invited guest from the local university CS department

The doorman asked "How shall I announce you?"

The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation"

"I'm very sorry sir", said the doorman in obvious shock,

"I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering."

"O.K." said the professor.

"Just say I came in my pants"

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