Sunday, August 17, 2008

157


How Greeks Do Business
Kosta (father): ‘I want you to marry a girl of my choice.’
Son: ‘I will choose my own bride!!!’
Kosta: ‘But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter..’
Son: ‘Well, in that case… ok’
Next Kosta approaches Bill Gates.
Kosta: ‘I have a husband for your daughter....’
Bill Gates: ‘But my daughter is too young to marry!!!!!’
Kosta: ‘But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.’
Bill Gates: ‘Ah, in that case… ok’
Finally Kosta goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Kosta: ‘I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.’
President: ‘But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!’
Kosta: ‘But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.’
President: ‘Ah, in that case… ok’
And that my friends is how Greeks do business.

Two very good friends of mine are David and Josie Jamieson
Josie is Welsh and David is a Kiwi
For Josie........
The Welsh National Anthem
Hew Wlad fy Nhaday
[Land of our fathers]
And for David.....
The New Zealand National Anthem
Cartoons[Bears]














Pulled over
A woman was driving her old beat up car on the Highway with her 7 year old son.
She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her.
After getting caught in a large group of cars flying down the road,
she looked at her speedometer to see she was doing 15 miles over the speed limit.
Slowing down, she moved over to the side and got out of the clump that soon left her behind.
She looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car.
Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car.
As he did he said,
"Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?"
Her 7 year old son piped up from the back seat,
"I do ... because you couldn't catch the other cars!"



Lunch Time






Whats for Lunch?







Interesting Tourist attraction in New Zealand



What Elvis taught me
SOME people follow Confucius, others swear by the philosophical insights of Plato or Sartre.
Why not instead study the songs of Elvis Presley?
Taken as a whole, they contain everything from handy tips about geography
("a river flows surely to the sea") to practical travel advice (the YMCA in Memphis has cheap accommodation), right through to religious instruction ("I'm lonely like Adam, you're evil like Eve").
Today, on the anniversary of Elvis's death, it may be time to codify that knowledge.
Herewith the 30 things I've learned about life from listening to Elvis.
TRAVEL
1. The typical train is 16 carriages long.
2. All food in Germany consists of hasenpfeffer and black pumpernickel.
3. The Heartbreak Hotel is located at the end of Lonely Street and its desk clerk dresses in black.
4. Hula dancers are best judged by their ability to really move that grass around.
5. A harem in the Middle East contains 20 women.
6. So efficient is the US postal service that it will return an unwanted letter within 24 hours of its initial posting
.7. There are few sounds that make you feel more lonely than that of the midnight train.
8. If hitchhiking, it's hard to choose a better destination than Memphis Tennessee.
RELATIONSHIPS
1. When inviting a young woman to dance, you may increase your chances by noting that chicken is being served in the barn.
2. If rejected by the older sister in a family, by all means have a crack at her little sister, who may have matured more than you at first noticed.
3. Women named Marie are naturally duplicitous.
4. It's OK to date your cousin, providing she's a distant cousin "but not too distant with you".
5. Girls named Daisy tend to drive you crazy.
6. If caught without a partner during a dance at a federal penitentiary, why not try dancing with a wooden chair?
7. Conversation with a girlfriend can become tiresome if she fails to break up the conversation every now and then with a little action
.8. A .44-calibre pistol is an excellent firearm choice for a woman whose partner was doin' her wrong.
PERSONAL GROOMING
1. If wearing suede shoes, particularly of a light hue, one should make their protection one's No. 1 priority, even above that of preventing arson attacks on one's own home.
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM
1. There are few looks in life more intense than that of a one-eyed cat peeping in a seafood store.
2. A passionate kiss can be measured by the fact that even a team of wild horses would be unable to drag apart the two participants.
3. The embrace of a grizzly bear provides a useful point of comparison when considering the pressure necessary to demonstrate real passion during an affair.
4. A good hound dog should be able to catch a rabbit.
GEOGRAPHY
1. People are more likely to be alone during a blue moon than during any other lunar event.
2. In the state of Kentucky, precipitation usually occurs when a man is hitchhiking from town to town, having been abandoned by his baby.
MEDICAL
1. The lips of attractive women tend to taste like breakfast spread, in particular honey.
2. A temperature of 109 is quite common during the early stages of an affair.
3. The experience of love, especially early in life, can have serious medical consequences including sensations of itching, hand tremors, leg spasms, heart palpitations and language difficulties.
HISTORY
1. American soldiers were unable to approach young women in Germany in the period after the war, as local women wore signs in German saying, "Keepen Sie Off The Grass."
PHILOSOPHY
1. Children born in disadvantaged areas such as ghettos should receive special assistance as this reduces the likelihood of them turning to a life of crime, thus perpetuating an endless cycle of disadvantage
.2. A rabbit's foot, while widely considered a creator of good luck, makes only a moderate contribution to one's happiness compared to the impact of finding a good life partner.
3. If you suspect someone is evil check their middle name because it may well be "Misery".
Now, show me one passage in Plato, Sartre or Confucius
that can match all of that for depth, width and wisdom.
I've lived my life by it, how about you?
RIP Elvis, the King.







A fairy princess dreamed of becoming a ballerina.
One day, she read an announcement that the Royal Ballet would audition dancers.
The auditions were in a nearby town.
So, on the morning of the auditions, she tied 100 white pigeons to her chariot.
The director noticed her dramatic entrance.
He immediately told her to go home.
"Why?" cried the princess.
"We have enough pigeon-towed dancers already."




Music
Of the many versions of the late Jo Safford and Hank Williams classic
Jambalaya
here are two I like


Fats Domino, Ray Charles and Jerry Lee Lewis



and from 1965....... the pocket dynamo
Brenda Lee

Duct Tape











Life's Not Fair For Men
When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from???









Optimistic drunk
George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him
that he wasn't leaving the house.
George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk
that you puked on your shirt."
George: "But Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!"
So after begging his old lady for an hour, George got the OK to go out with the guys
as long as he stayed off of the booze.
George met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get sh*t-faced.
After about 3 hours of guzzling liquor, George blew chow all over his shirt.
George: "Sh*t! The old lady is going to throw my ass out of the house
for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!"
Bill, George's best pal, gave drunk ass George an idea of how to keep
from getting in trouble with the wife.
Bill: "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door.
Then, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself,
just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks
to get the shirt cleaned."
So, when George walked into the house with money in hand,
his wife was waiting for him in the living room.
Georges wife: "I knew that your drunk ass would spew bile and booze
all over that new shirt!"
George: "Honey, let me explain!
This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned."
His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills.
George's wife: "Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"
George: "Oh, That's from the guy who sh*t in my pants."




1 comment:

archiearchive said...

You don't need to leave Perth for a Lucky Shag