Sunday, August 24, 2008


Am off on vacation tomorrow for three weeks of battery recharging
Am travelling to the North West ,to Cape Leveque [2500 km's]
There are very limited facilties in this remote part of the state
so will be unable to blog
Should be back about mid-september
If you are interested in the whereabouts of Cape leveque
embiggen the State map and follow the coast up to north of Broome

Hooray! Hooray! Its a holly holiday

This guy went into the bar Friday night and ordered three beers.
In fact, every Friday night he went into the bar and ordered three beers
and drank them all by himself.
Three beers...every Friday night. Not 2. Never 4. Always 3.
Well, the bartender couldn't figure this out.
Without fail this guy always came in.
The bartender finally said to the guy,
"Every Friday night you come in here and have three beers.
There must be a story to this. You never order 2 beers, or 4 beers, always 3."
The guy said, "Yes, there is a story.
You see, me and my two buddies always went out for a beer on Friday night
when we were in Vietnam."
One night while we were drinking we decided that we would continue
doing this when we returned to the States.
We also decided that if one of us didn't make it,
the other two would drink the third one's beer.
And if two didn't make it, the third guy would drink the other two beers.
The other two didn't make it back so I'm drinking theirs."
The bartender felt bad.
Well, the next Friday night the guy came back into the bar as usual
but only ordered two beers.
The bartender couldn't believe it.
From then on, Friday after Friday, this guy now ordered only two drinks.
The bartender was so puzzled he just had to ask the guy about it.
The bartender said to him,
"I notice you've only been ordering two beers for the last few weeks.
There has to be a story here."
The guy said,
"Yes, indeed there is a story.
You see, I joined the Mormon church and I can't drink beer any more."


The Perfect Woman

Stole these jokes from Hale Mackay
It occurred to me

Freda was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do things right.
Unfortunately, being blonde, she wasn't especially bright.
She had just started her first job, as a secretary and general go-fer at a corporate office.
Her first task was to go out for coffee.
She walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos.
When the counterman finally noticed her, she held up the thermos.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" she said.
The counterman looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then finally said,
"Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Good," Freda said.
"Give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."

Cousin Elly, another blonde, is the world's worst at getting instructions mixed up.
When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers.
It had all the latest gadgets on it.
Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked;
how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready.
A few weeks later Elly was back in the store
and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker.
"Wonderful!" she replied,
"However, there's one thing I don't understand.
Why do I have to go to bed every time
I want to make a pot of coffee?"


The galley slaves were taking a rest after a full day rowing under merciless sun
with the sound of the slave driver's gong still ringing in their ears.
"It's not the captain's waterskiing that bothers me so much" said one slave to his shipmate.
"It's that gong, gong, gong every two seconds. I'm going to get rid of it"
The slaves decide that under cover of darkness,
they would lift the gong from its chains and throw it overboard.
"We can't do it like that" suggested one of the plotters
"They would be sure to hear us - we'll have to find a way to slip it quietly into the water"
.So that night, six of the slaves lifted the heavy gong
and carried it carefully to the stern of the galley -
but there was no way to slip the gong into the water without banging it noisily on the boat.
"I have it! - I'll slip under the rail and hold on with my back to the stern,
then I will act as a slide for you to ease the gong over my body
and quietly into the water", said the brightest of the slaves.
This was working perfectly, when suddenly the slave driver appeared behind the plotters.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he shouted.
To a man, the men sprang to attention, and burst into song ...
One, two, three -
"We're sliding a gong on the chest of a slave ...."

All of the Wal-Marts across Alabama sold out
of ammunition as of yesterday.
A reliable source said that one of the purchasers commented
that while Russia may have invaded Georgia,
they sure as heck ain't doin' it to Alabama.


Music......Double play
"The Wind beneath my Wings"

Bette Midler

David Alexander

Sarcastic One Liners
1. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
2. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
3. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
4. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
5. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
6. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
7. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
8. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
9. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
10. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
11. A woman’s favorite position is CEO.
12. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
13. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
14. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
15. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 1?
16. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
17. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
18. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I’m wrong.
19. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
20. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
21. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
22. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
23. If At First You Don’t Succeed, Blame Someone Else And SeekCounseling.
24. You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.


Bad parenting

There was a tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested
in making a buck where he could,
so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time,
but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job
on the roof of one of their biggest churches.
Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so competitive, he got the job.
And so he set to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and setting up the planks,
and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with the turpentine.
Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away,
the job nearly done when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder,
and the sky opened, the rain poured down,
washing the thin paint from all over the church
and knocking Jock fair off the scaffold to land on the lawn,
among the gravestones,
surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.
Jock was no fool.
He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,
so he got on his knees and cried:
"Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke:
"Repaint! Repaint and thin no more!" >

Divorce cake

My wife made me put this picture here!!!!!


Half-Redneck said...

Hope you have a great time on your getaway! We'll miss you while you're gone. Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Marcie and Robert Frank said...

Have a great vacation and looking forward to the posts coming back in September!

Bunk Strutts said...

Have a great one, Phil, a great cold one. Then have a coupla more and you'll be fine.

[Where did you get that photo of me in photo booth? It took one of me, so I decided to take one myself, just to even the odds.]

Phils Phun said...

G'day Shelley, Marcie,Robert and Bunk.
Iam back and ready to go again[as soon as the kitty builds up]
Thank you all for wishing me a great vacation
It was tops
Look forward to reading your blogs
Cheers from Down under