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· Cleanin chickens
Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy.
"It ain't my fault," Miss Crabtree.

"You can blame this on my Daddy.

The reason I'm three hours late is Daddy sleeps naked!"
Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years.

So she asked little Sammy what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears.

Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Sammy

and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth.
"You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote.

The last few nights he done et six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat.

And last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen,

he grabbed his gun and said to Ma,

"That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna git him!'"
'Stay back, he yelled to all us kids!"

He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt!
To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop.

Then he stuck that double barrel through the window of the coop.

As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind,

our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and come asneakin' up behind Daddy.

Then as we all looked on plumb helpless old Zeke

stuck that cold nose in Daddy's crack!
"Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'

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Lottery 911 call

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Defining Divorce
One guy to another, “Last week I took the first step towards getting divorced.”
“Did you see a lawyer?”
“No, I got married.”
Thanks Duke

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The Magic Finger

Click here then click on fingers
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Cartoons

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Hats off to the Canadians

Highway of Heroes


Thanks Don H

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I can't think of any

Grocery shopping
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket.

As they passed the cookie section,

the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no."

The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly,

"Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."

He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle.

Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy.

When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry.

The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry

. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."

The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out,

where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a

terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today.

The mother patiently said,

"Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes,

and then you can go home and have a nice nap."

The man followed them out to the parking lot

and stopped the woman to compliment her.

"I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..

."The mother broke in,

"My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen
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Finally

Thanks Josie
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The Australian Sports Commission is using the age old rivalry between Australia and Britain to attract athletes into the talent ID program for the London 2012 Olympics.

Reports have been received that the poms are a tad upset

Lets rip the Brits to bits

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Discussing Grades

A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed

."What's the matter, son," asked his mother.

"Aw, gee," said the boy,

"It's my marks. They're all wet."

"What do you mean `all wet?'"

"I mean," he replied, "below C-level."

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Join the Scouts

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TITLES OF SOME REALLY SHORT BOOKS

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan -- Illustrated by Michael Moore

MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton

Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY by Bill Clinton

MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden

AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O.J. Simpson
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Tom in deep thoughts is very quiet.

Jerry asks, "What is wrong with you, Tom?"

"Please don't ask."

"I'm your best friend. You can talk to me."

"My seven year old son made my secretary pregnant."

"That's not possible."

"No, he did."

"How?"

"He punctured my condoms!"

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