Wednesday, December 17, 2008




189


Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy, peace, love, hope and goodwill to all.
But I know, everybody knows, things aren’t just like that.
What a difference it would make if we were willing to have less,
so that others could have enough.

http://www.ekincaglar.com/coin/flash.html

Watch this video
The vision maybe a couple of years old
But the message remains the same
Fact.... If everyone gave 1/10th of the money they spent on Xmas presents.
it would be enough to provide clean drinking water for the whole world

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Have you ever been overseas and some asks,"Where are you from?"
You answer "Australia"
And they say "Austria" , I know it well"



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Finding a Chinese Jew
Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.

"Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?"
"I don't know," Sid replied.
"Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Al asked him,
"Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.
He returned in a few minutes and said,
"No, sir. No, Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked.
"I will check again, sir," the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said,
"I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.
"When the waiter returned he said,
"Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again.
"I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated.
"We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews,
but we have no Chinese Jews."
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Keep fit....Exercise


Neck Exercise






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Christmas Lights
Music Box Dancer

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This wife is too jealous
There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night

and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him,
"Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"
The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying,
"She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"
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Polish Polar Bear Club


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I HAVE DISCOVERED A CONSPIRACY
A conspiracy Right here in our country.
Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier.
And, everything is farther away.
Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones.
They speak in whispers all the time!
If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves,
endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face!
What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.
On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am.
I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that
she didn't even recognise me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning,
and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection.
Well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days!
You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the motorway in front of them.
All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast,
the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilised these days.
Why else would they suddenly start labelling a size 10 or 12 garment as 18 or 20?
Do they think no one notices?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank.
Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial?
HA! I would never let myself weigh that much!
Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on --
but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too;
they've printed the phone books in such small type
that no one could ever find a number in there!
All I can do is pass along this warning:
WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!
Unless something drastic happens,
pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities

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Chill Out





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The bride tells her husband,
"Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex.
Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison'
and call my private thing 'the prisoner'.
So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles.
"Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent,
the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl,
thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile,
"Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion,
but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He yells at her,
"Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY!
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Cartoons....Real Estate







I stole a couple of these from Miss Cellania
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What are the best ten years of an Irishman's life?
Third grade.





Geek Doorbell

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Camel Oasis
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Where the Phrase "You gotta be kiddin' me" Came From
A lot of people ask where the saying "You gotta be kiddin' me" came from.
Here's the story behind it....
Way back, George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops.
They were packed into the boats.
It was extremely dark and storming furiously.
The water was tossing them back and forth.
Finally Washington grabbed Corporal Peters and stationed him
at the front of the boat with a lantern.
He ordered him to keep swinging it so they could see where they were heading.
Corporal Peters stood up braving the wind and driving rain,
swinging the lantern back and forth.
A while later a big gust of wind hit and threw Corporal Peters
and his lantern into the Delaware.
Washington and his troops searched for hours trying to find Corporal Peters but to no avail.
All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one their favorites.
An hour later Washington and his troops landed on the other side,
wet and totally exhausted.
He rallied the troops and told them they must go on.
After awhile, Washington and his men could go no further.
One of his men said, "General, I see lights ahead."
They trudged towards the lights and came upon a huge house there in the woods.
What they didn't know was this was a house of ill repute
hidden in the forest to serve all who came.
General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him.
The door swung open and the madam looked out to see Washington and all his men.
A huge smile came across her face to see so many men standing there.
Washington spoke up,
"Ma'am, I'm General George Washington and these are my men.
We're tired and exhausted and desperately need warmth and comfort for a while.
Again the Madam looked at all the men standing there
and with a broad smile on her face said,
"Well General, you have come to the right place.
We can surely give you warmth and comfort.
How many men do you have?"
Washington said,
"Well ma'am, there are thirty two of us without Peters."
She looked at him and said:
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
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All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site are understood to be in the public domain. If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them, please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.




2 comments:

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Bwahahahahahaha. Dumb ass. Bwahahahahaha.

Hey the joke I stole from you is my post today. Thanks.

Have a terrific day. Bwahahahahahahaha. :)

Bunk Strutts said...

And all these years I thought it was Kentucky.