100
Unbelievable as it seems, we have reached post no 100
April 2007 seems a long way back
Ithank you all for your support

Lets try something a little different Here is a song from 1972 to get you up and going

Daniel Boone....Beautiful Sunday

This is from the Carol Burnett Show

Tim Conway and Harvey Korman
The Dentist
I dare you not to laugh


thanks Joan Andony

Todays Cartoons.....Kids

A father, who worked away from home all week,

always made a special effort with his family on the weekends.

Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old daughter

out for a drive in the car for some bonding time.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold

and he really didn't feel like being up at all.

Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and

said that she would take their daughter out.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her father.

"Well," the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with mommy?"

"Oh yes, Daddy" the girl replied,

"and do you know what?

We didn't see a single dumb bastard or lousy shit head!"

Sorry about this, but its funny
An Englishman, Scotsman and a Pakistani go to the barbers

Englishman: "Give me a telly"

Barber: A Telly, sir?"

Englishman: Telly Savalas, bald, chop the lot off"

Barber: "OK sir, that will be £3

Scotsman: "I'll have a Telly too, please.Barber:

"Very well sir, that will be £3 please

Pakistani: "I too, will have a Telly, please

.Barber: "Right you are sir, that will be £9 please

Pakistani: "£9 but they only paid £3

Barber: "Yes sir, but yours is a colour telly\

Two Englishmen- businessmen in London

- were sitting down for a break in their soon-to be new store.

As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only afew shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by,

put his face to the window and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when,

sure enough, a curious Scotsman walked to the window,

had a peek, and in a broad Scottish accent asked

'What are you selling' here

One of the men replied sarcastically

,'We're selling arse-holes.

'Without skipping a beat,

the Scotsman said,'You are doing well ...

Only two left!'

[thanks Geoff Collins]

The Golden Arches

A young lady with a touch of hay fever took two handkerchiefs with her to the dinner party,

one in her purse and the spare she kept in her bosom.

At dinner she began rummaging in her bosom for the fresh handkerchief,

but it stubbornly refused to be found.

To left and to right she searched:

until she realised suddenly that conversation around her had ceased

and everyone was watching her in fascination.

Flustered, she murmured,

"I know I had two when I came."

For all you Golf Nuts

Here is some more Tiger Woods

Nike Ad

thanks Jim King

Here in the West school teachers are gearing up for another stressful year

Poor Buggers ,just had seven weeks holiday

A teacher joke
Helpful teacher

A group of second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers,

went on a field trip to their closest midweek race track,

to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom,

it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room

when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside,

helped the boys with their pants and began hoisting the boys up one by one,

holding onto their "wee-wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.

Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said,

"You must be in the fourth grade."

He replied:

"No, ma'am, I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 7th race today".





Population crisis

Here is the population list:

(Country Population Date % of world population).

World 6,671,226,000 July 1, 2007 100%

PRC 1,323,081,672 Jan 8, 2008 19.83% India 1,131,043,000 March 1, 2007 16.95%

United States 303,202,683 Jan 9, 2008 4.54%.

Always be careful when crossing the road

Try this one

Dr. Phil's Test:

Here you go.

Try this!

Below is Dr. Phil's test. (Dr. Phil scored 55; he did this test on Oprah - she got a 38.)

Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out! Read on, this is very interesting!

Don't be overly sensitive!

The following is pretty accurate and it only takes 2 minutes.

Don't peek, but begin the test as you scroll down and answer.

Answers are for who you are now --- not who you were in the past

Have pen or pencil and paper ready

This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees.

It's only 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper,

keeping track of your letter answers to each question.

Ready?

Begin.

1. When do you feel your best?

a) in the morning

b) during the afternoon and early evening

c) late at night

2. You usually walk..

.a) fairly fast, with long steps

b) fairly fast, with little steps

c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face

d) less fast, head downe) very slowly

3. When talking to people you...

a) stand with your arms folded

b) have your hands clasped

c) have one or both your hands on your hips

d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking

e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with.. .

a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side

b) your legs crossed

c) you r legs stretched out or straight

d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with...

a) big appreciated laugh

b) a laugh, but not a loud one

c) a quiet chuckle

d) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you..

.a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you

b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know

c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted...

a) welcome the break

b) feel extremely irritated

c) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?

a) Red or orange

b) black

c) yellow or light blue

d) green

e) dark blue or purple

f) white

g) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are..

.a) stretched out on your back

b) stretched out face down on your stomach

c) on your side, slightly curled

d) with your head on one arm

e) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are...

a) falling

b) fighting or struggling

c) searching for something or somebody

d) flying or floating

e) you usually have dreamless sleep

f) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:

1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6

2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1

3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6

4 (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1

5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2

6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2

7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4

8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1

9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1

10 (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points.

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate

.41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them u p and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you' re boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

Thanks to Don Henry [Edmonton Alberta, Canada ]for this

Iscored 38




A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from major surgery.

She hated being stuck in the tiny little room all day and to make matters worse,

the daily routine was starting to get to her.

Every morning, for example, the nurse would bring her breakfast

(which always consisted of an egg, piece of toast, and glass of apple juice).

She would then return a little bit later to empty the urine bottle.
And so it continued...
Finally, one morning, she decided to have a little fun.

She ate the eggs and the toast, but went to the bathroom where she cleaned the urine bottle out, then poured the apple juice into it.

When the nurse returned later that morning, he took a look at the bottle

and a frown came over his face.
"Obviously, you enjoyed your breakfast,

but something must be wrong because this looks a little cloudy," he said,

pointing to the urine bottle.
"Oh, really?" the patient replied, picking up the bottle in question

and putting it to her lips.

"In that case, we’d better run it through again..."

[pinched this from Miss Cellania]




Wendy meets Tammy for lunch.

"You're looking very tired today, Tammy.

Did you have a late night?"
"Yes," replied Tammy, "but it was all very strange.

While doing some gardening yesterday, I found a lamp,

so I rubbed it and out popped a genie.

He gave me a choice of two wishes."
"Wow," said Wendy, "so what were the choices he gave you, Tammy?"
"He said he could either give me an excellent, sharp, 100% memory

or else he could give my boyfriend a bigger penis."
"So tell me already, Tammy, what did you choose?"
"I can't remember," replied Tammy.




What Wonderful world

Heres looking at you kid

Willie Nelson and Friends
Waylon Jennings and others

Good Hearted Woman





With Paul Simon

Graceland





With Ray Charles

Seven Spanish Angels

Seen at last weeks Tennis Australian Open

99
An estimated crowd of 300.000 lined the banks of the Swan River
last night to watch the Annual Australia Day Skyshow


Picture taken from "Perth Now" website

A cell [mobile] phone with many functions

I think I'll buy one of these

When in England remember to travel on
Yorkshire Airlines



A lot of my readers are Golf fanatics
If you click on this link you will see Tiger Woods
give away 4 Buicks to unsuspecting Golfers

TIGER TRAP

http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic1919.htm




Cartoons.........Men

Harsh Things To Say To A Naked Man
Author Unknown
I've smoked fatter joints than that.
Ahhhh, it's cute.
Why don't we just cuddle?
You know they have surgery to fix that.
Make it dance.
Can I paint a smiley face on it?
Wow, and your feet are so big.
It's OK, we'll work around it.
Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
Oh no... a flash headache.
(giggle and point)
Can I be honest with you?
How sweet, you brought incense.
This explains your car.
Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
Why is God punishing me?
At least this won't take long.
I never saw one like that before.
But it still works, right?
It looks so unused.
Maybe it looks better in natural light.
Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
Are you cold?
If you get me real drunk first.
Is that an optical illusion?
What is that?
It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
Does it come with an air pump?
So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
I guess this makes me the 'early bird'.


Cartoon of the Week

The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane.

At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.

'You 'have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically.

The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.

'Zen, you should know enough to 'have your passport ready for inspection.'

The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.'

'Impossible.. You... You Americans always 'have to show your passports on arrival in France !' The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained,

'Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach in '44

I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to.'



No wonder I am an Atheist

Parishioner's death doesn't stop Mass
Not even the death of a worshipper was enough to stop Mass in a small church

in the northern Italian town of Trento.

Pio Lieta, 86, suffered a fatal heart attack during an early-morning service

at the Church of the White Madonna last Sunday.

An ambulance was called, and Mr Lieta, whose name means "pious" in Italian,

was pronounced dead at the scene.

However, instead of halting the Mass,

Father Mario Peron asked for the body to be covered with a white cloth

and left Mr Lieta in the nave of the church while he finished the service.

It is against Italian law to move a body without the authorisation of a local magistrate.

"What could I have done?" said Fr Peron afterwards.

"The Holy Mass has to be celebrated.

It is not right to make an exception for one individual.

Only people who do not understand the point of Mass

would not understand the logic of my decision.

We could not stop.

We were united together in church and we prayed for him."

Go back to the good old days of Black and White TV

See how many you can remember
http://oldfortyfives.com/WhenLifewasInBlack&White.htm

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings

and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and the make such an obvious error,

he replied,

"Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.

I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

(And you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to tell you this one!)

Well, I figure I have nothing Toulouse


ODD PUNNY SIGNS

At a Music Store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner.

At a number of US military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.

At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.

At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.

At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.

At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.

At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents?

At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill.

However, if you don't, you will be

DEEP THROAT






TRAIN CRASH


Click on pointer in left bottom corner



Donate Eyes




World wide,almost 6 million die prematuely each year as a result of smoking


Dubious logic
Clem asks Abner, "Ain't statistics wonderful?"
"How so?" says Abner.
"Well, according to statistics, there's 42 million alligator eggs laid every year.
Of those only about half get hatched.
Of those that hatch, three-fourths of them get eaten by predators in the first 36 days.
And of the rest, only 5 percent get to be a year old because of one thing or another.
Ain't statistics wonderful?"
Abner asks, "What's so wonderful about statistics?"
"Why, if it wasn't for statistics,
we'd be up to our asses in baby alligators!"




Maybe Jim Fleming can tell us how tasty this must be??



A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the maid.
She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.
One Friday she told the maid to take the day off
and that night she went into the maid's room,
switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness,
slipped into the bed.
Sure enough at midnight,
there were footsteps and a figure opened the door
and slipped into the maid's bed beside her.
After an hour of wild, passionate sex, the wife, still in ecstatic reverie,
switched on the lights and blurted,
"WELL - Are you surprised?"
"I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur




And I think to myself
What a Wonderful World








If you are from WI....Smile
You Know You Are From Wisconsin When ...
Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.
You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
Snow tires come standard on all your cars.
You refer to the Packers as "we."
You have gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.
You can identify an Illinois accent..
You know what cow-tipping is.
You learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike.
Down South to you means Chicago.
Traveling coast to coast means going from La Crosse to Milwaukee.
A brat is something you eat.
You know that Eau Claire is not something you eat.
You have no problem spelling Milwaukee.
You consider Madison exotic.
You got a passport to go to Minnesota.
You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
You can actually pronounce Oconomowoc.
You know what a bubbler is.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
You go out for fish fry every Friday.
You can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving.
You know how to polka.
You drink soda and refer to your dad as "pop."
Formal wear is blue jeans & a baseball cap.
You were unaware there is a legal drinking age.
Your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
You know where Waukesha is AND can pronounce it.

Men with Banjo's
featuring
Steve Martin and the Legendary Earl Scruggs

98

Come Saturday January 26th ,Australia is celebrating its 220th birthday

Although its been around a lot longer than that

This post will have a distinctive Aussie Flavour

Hope you enjoy it

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY 2008

AUSTRALIA'S FLORAL EMBLEM ......... WATTLE

Western Australia[ thebest bit]

click to enlage

Western Australia is the largest state in Australia ?

It is larger than Alaska and Texas combined.
Perth is Australia’s windiest city with an average wind speed of 15.6 kph ?
The Karri tree in Western Australia is the world’s third-tallest tree after the Californian Redwood and the Australian Mountain Ash ?

It can grow up to 80m tall.
The world famous Pinnacles landscape formation in Western Australia

are actually remains of tree roots, covered by sand then encased in limestone dissolved from the sand by rainwater ?
The world’s largest monolith is actually Mt. Augustus in Western Australia

and not Uluru ?

Mt. Augustus is twice the size of Uluru,

but has bushes covering its lower part.

As such, Uluru is the largest “free-standing” monolith.
The Kimberley area in Western Australia produces 35% of the world’s diamonds ?

Western Australia has some spectacular scenery

and one of my favourite spots is on the south coast

ESPERANCE

Some Aussie funnies

An Aussie salesman drove into a small town in the far south of New Zealand,

where a small circus was playing

.A sign read: "Don't Miss the Amazing Maori."

The salesman bought a ticket and sat down.

There, under the Big Top, in the centre ring, was a table with three walnuts on it.

Standing next to it was a middle aged Maori.

Suddenly, the Maori dropped his pants,

whipped out his huge male member and smashed all the walnuts with three mighty swings!

The crowd erupted in applause and the Maori was carried off on their shoulders.

Fifteen years later the salesman visited the same little town,

found the same circus,

and saw the same faded sign that read, "Don't Miss the Amazing Maori."

He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive, much less still doing his act!

He bought a ticket.

Again, the centre ring was illuminated.

This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.

The old Maori stood before them,

then suddenly dropped his pants and smashed the coconuts

with three swings of his amazing member.

The crowd went wild!

Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.

"You're incredible!" he told the Maori,

"but I have to know something.

I saw your act 15 years ago, and you were using walnuts.

Why the switch from walnuts to coconuts?"

"Well," said the Maori, "my eye sight isn't what it used to be."


Reasons to eat Lamb with Sam Kekovich

Two kangaroo shooters, way out the back of Bourke.

Their ute breaks down.

They do the right thing – stay with it.

But no one comes along.

So they decide to walk out.

The temperature is 40 plus C.

After 2 days, they’re on their last drop of radiator water

when they climb a rise and find, nailed to a tree,

a sign saying

MERCY, POPULATION 12.

In the distance, a collection of ramshackle tin huts.

They arrive.

One hut is identified as a café.

They enter.

A lady appears, very proper.

“Yis”, she says.

“Bring us a drink, luv. Make it long and quick.”

“We only serve one thing here.”

“What’s that?”“Koala tea.”

“Well, bring it luv, only make it quick!”

She brings it, and she is not kidding.

Pathetic little paws grip the edge of the billy

and little furry ears poke through the murky surface.

Well, kangaroo shooters are pretty tough but they’re not this tough.

They look at each other and beg the woman to “take it away please, and strain it.”

“What?” she says,

“The Koala Tea of Mercy is not strained.

Ute = utility vehicle or pickup truck]

[Billy = an outback teapot]


Australia Down Under

Men at Work...... I come from a land down under

Travelling in a fried- out Kombie,

on a hippy trail, head full of zombie.

I met a strange lady,

she made me nervous

she took me in and gave me breakfast.

And she said -Do you come from a land down under,

where woman glow and men plunder?

Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?

You better run, you better take cover.

Buying bread from a man in Brussels,

he was six foot four and full of muscles.

I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"

He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich

.And he said -I come from a land down under,

where beer does flow and men chunder

.Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?

You better run, you better take cover.

Lying in a den in Bombay,

with a slack jaw, and not much to say.

I said to the man, "Are you tryin' to tempt me?"

Because I come from the land of plenty.

And he said -Do you come from a land down under,

where women glow and men plunder?

Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?

You better run, you better take cover




Travelling on the Oodnadatta Track

which runs from Marla Bore on the Stuart Highway to Maree

Thats Lake Eyre South in the foreground

Aussie champion motor Bike rider ..Robbie Maddison



Built for Aussie conditions

An Australian physician has claimed that the following are actual comments

made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies.

To understand them all you may need to know that

Harold Holt was an Australian Prime Minister who disappeared whilst he was surfing

and whose body has never been found.

Tasmania has something of a reputation for sexual perversion -- principally incest.

James Hardie is a company that used to make asbestos sheeting products

for home building until lawsuits claiming health problems from the asbestos

drove them out of that business.

1. "Take it easy Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before!"

2. "Find Harold Holt yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know in Tasmania we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at James Hardie, didn'tyou?"

12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is in fact not up there


Blue eyed Koala

Koala blue eyes is one of a kind:

"With his piercing blue eyes, tiny Frankie is one of a kind -

the world's only blue-eyed koala.

His striking peepers have dumbfounded animal carers at his Dreamworld home

on the Gold Coast.

Initially worried, staff ran tests but found that apart from some reduced pigmentation,

Frankie, dubbed after ol' blue eyes Frank Sinatra, had perfect vision.

Dreamworld supervisor Michelle Barnes said she doubted her own vision

when she first saw Frankie's eyes.

While Frankie, now nine months old, was the centre of media attention yesterday,

the general public will have to wait a couple of months before he is ready

to face the public for the first time."

Some time back the Australian Government in conjunction

with the Australian Tourist Bureau ran this very successful TV campaign



Not to be outdone.... The Kiwi's came up with their version

Thorny lizard in one of the deserts near Alice

Wilma the Wallaby

A site to die for

Cemetry on Bondi Cliff walk [Sydney]

Australia...Enjoy




Sign on the Nullabor plain [inset of others]

Qantas advert that was very popular




The "Chasers War on Everything"

With their response



Hugh Jackman Mambo No 5











There's not many of us left

My epittaph

97
G'day to you all
Only 6 days until Australia Day [next Saturday]
Blog number 98 will be a special Aussie edition

Lets have some Diving instructions


Very FUN! 001 - video powered by Metacafe



Artist dumps 500,000 balls in Rome
The historic centre of Rome has been brought to a standstill
by a protest with a difference.
Visitors to the Spanish Steps yesterday were greeted by a rather peculiar sight.



For most of the morning street cleaners and smartly uniformed policemen
were chasing little brightly coloured balls, armed with dustpans and brushes.
To everyone's amazement half a million of these balls
were suddenly bouncing down the steps.
Within minutes, the famed Piazza de Spagna resembled a children's playground.
video




It was another colourful stand from Graziano Cecchini,
a man who protests against government incompetence
in the most unusual ways.
Last year he poured a dye into the Trevi Fountain, turning it red.
This latest stunt cost him £15,000 (20,000 euros) - and probably a rather large fine.
When Mr Cecchini finally appeared, walking down the steps with balls bouncing around him, he said he had done it to raise the profile of Burma and the Karen people.
The Karen are a minority who have fought for an independent state since 1949,
and accuse the military junta of ethnic cleansing.
[taken from "Nothing to do withArboroath"]


A retirement home decided to hold a Singles Dance,
at which this very sweet 90-year-old gentleman met a very sweet 90-year-old lady,
and they danced and talked and laughed, and just hit it off great.
They continued to see each other for a while and enjoyed each other so much,
and danced so well together, etc., that they decided to get married.
On their wedding night, they went to bed
and he reached over and took her hand and squeezed it,
and she squeezed his hand back, and they went to sleep.
On the second night, when they went to bed,
he reached over and squeezed her hand,
and she squeezed his hand back, and they went to sleep.
On the third night, he reached over and took her hand,
and she said,
"Not tonight, honey, I have a headache."

Doctor Cartoons

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

"Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?"

"No," her mother replied.

"Well, I think I have to throw up!"

"Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."

In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.

"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.

"Yes," the little girl replied.

"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church

and return so quickly?"

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy." the little girl replied.

"They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the sick'."




Zimbabwe issues a $10 million dollar note

With inflation running officially at 25,000 per cent

(although that could be as high as 150,000 percent),

Zimbabwe has just issued a $10 million note.

The new note is the equivalent of about $4 at the dominant black market exchange rate.
In an effort to end chronic cash shortages and long, chaotic lines

at banks and automated teller machines,

the bank will issue the new notes on Friday along

with 1-million and 5-million dollar bills.

The highest existing note, introduced last month, is 750,000 Zimbabwe dollars

BOFFINS AT WORK

At a recent conference of science and mathematics,

a physicist, a mathematician, an engineer, and a statistician

were all staying on the same floor of their hotel.

The engineer woke up in the middle of the night to find his trash can had started on fire.

He jumped out of bed, quickly filled his ice bucket with water,

extinguished the flames, and went back to sleep.

A little later, the physicist woke up and also discovered his trash can to be ablaze.

He paused for a moment, pulled out his slide rule,

and made a few quick calculations.

He filled up his ice bucket with exactly 1/2 liter of water and used it to extinguish the fire,

and then went back to sleep.

Shortly after, the mathematician was awoken and his trash can was also on fire.

He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and frantically scribbled

out pages and pages of equations.

When he found the solution he went to bed,

comfortable just knowing that the solution existed.

And the statistician?

He was found running around lighting other people's trash cans on fire

because he needed a bigger sample size.




Traffic Jam.....who will make the first move??

Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15,

North of MCAS Miramar.

One of the officerswas using a hand held radar device to check

speeding vehicles approaching near the crest of a hill.

The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the Radar gun,

but it would not reset and turned off.

Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar

had in fact locked onto a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged

in a low flying exercise near the location.

Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off acomplaint

to the USMC Base Commander.

Back came a reply in true USMC style:

Thank you for the message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident.

You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet

had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto your

hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it.

Furthermore, an air to ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft

had also automatically locked onto your equipment.

Fortunately the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized thesituation for what it was,

quickly responded to the missile system alert status

and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile

was launched and your hostile radar was destroyed.

Thank you for your concerns.

Look familiar??

ANIMAL WISDOM

A blind rabbit and a blind snake literally bumped into each other in the forest.

Being blind, both had been abandoned by their parents.

"I'm so sorry," said the rabbit,

"I've been blind since birth, so I can't see where I'm going.

In fact, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite ok," the snake replied.

"In fact, I've also been blind since birth and don't know what I am.

Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are,

so at least you'll have that going for you."

"That would be wonderful" replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and he said,

"Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears,

and you have a soft cottony tail. You must be a rabbit."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.

The bunny then suggested,

"Maybe I could feel you with my paw so I can tell you what you are."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he said,

"Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue,

no backbone and no balls.

You must be French."


Road Rage!!!!!

With apologies to my good friends in TN

When I read this I found it very funny

You know you’re from Tennessee if:
1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.

3. You use “fix” as a verb. Example: “I’m fixing to go to the store

4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,vegetable,grain, insect or animal.

5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

6. You know what a “VOL” is.

7. You carry jumper cables in your car…for your OWN car.

11. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday

12. You find 100 degrees fahrenheit “a little warm”.

13. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still SummerandChristmas.

14. You know whether another Tennessean is from east, west or middleTennessee as soon as they open their mouth.

15. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as”goin’ Wal-martin” or off to “Wally World”.

16. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-beanweather.

17. A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop…it’s a Coke,regardless of brand or flavor. Example: “What kinda coke you want?”

18. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

19. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends fromTennessee (and those who just wish they were).

Here is a link to a game called 1-33

When it loads you have to click on the numbers 1 to 33 as fast as you can

After several attempts I got down to 72.3 seconds

This is still pretty slow and you should be able to beat that quite easily
http://flash.abunawaf.com/2005/12/game33.swf

A maiden was renowned throughout the kingdom for her beauty.

One day, the queen learned of her.

Being envious, she threw the maiden into the dungeon.

And the queen made her wear an ugly, ugly dress.

Every day, she saw knights riding past.

She called for help, but they were repulsed by the dress.

Eventually, she realized
no knight would rescue a

damsel in this dress.

PUNNIES

The Energizer Bunny has been arrested and charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Divorce is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

A backwards poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Even a calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

Those who jump off Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of de feat

Major security breach

If you have a debit card or an ATM card

you might want to change your PIN number.

I don’t know how they did it,

but someone found everyones PIN number

and listed it here.

Mine is there… and so is yours.


CARTOON OF THE WEEK

A BORN SALESMAN

This salesman has been bugging a haberdasher (bloke who runs a suit shop)

for a long time for a job,

and finally the haberdasher looks at him in disgust and says,

"Look, I'll make a deal with you.

I've got one suit that I just haven't been able to sell

-- that purple, yellow, and green thing in the corner.

If you can sell it while I'm out to lunch; you can have a sales job here for life!"

And with a smug smile he goes to lunch.

He comes back and the salesman runs up to him, exclaiming:

"I sold the suit! I sold the suit!"

The owner looks at him in dismay --

the salesman's clothes are ripped and torn all to hell,

his face is scratched and bruised and bleeding.

The owner says, "What happened; did the customer put up a fight!?"

The salesman quickly replies,

"Oh, no; not at all -- but his seeing eye dog was annoyed"



And I think to myself

What a Wonderful World

Here is some music for you

A tribute to Vincent Van Gogh

Don McLean..........Vincent

Don McLean will be playing in Perth in March


Ithink Ihave posted this before

It is one of my favourites

Peters and Lee............Welcome Home


Peters died of cancer in 1992

Am a big fan of big band music

This goes back quite a way

But its great

Bert Kaempfert..............Happy Feeling

96
Time for another blog
Perth's weather has decided to warm up again after a few pleasant days
With Australia Day [26th], now than less than ten days away, lets hope we get a cool one
Though as a rule in previous years it tends to be fairly warm that day

As per normal we start with some funny videos

Here is Peter Sellers appearing on the Dean Martin Show

If you ever come accross Bill Malone, don't play cards with him





With Afghanistan in the news the past day or so
you had better read this
You might be Taliban if
You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
You own a $300 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
You have more wives than teeth.
You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
You’ve ever opened a can of falafel with a mortar round.
You’ve ever had your camel repossessed.
You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.
You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry ammunition in your robe.
You’ ve ever been asked, “Does this burka make my butt look too big?”
You’ve felt the urge to “rub her out” after seeing a woman’s exposed ankle.
You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
You’ve ever uttered the phrase, “I love what you’ve done with your cave.”
You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean”.



Mr Goldberg, from Pinsk, coming to America,
shared a table in the ship's dining-room with a Frenchman.
Mr Goldberg could speak neither French nor English;
the Frenchman could speak neither Russian nor Yiddish.
The first day out, the Frenchman approached the table, bowed and said, "Bon appetit!''
Mr Goldberg, puzzled for a moment, bowed back and replied "Goldberg.''
Every day at every meal the same routine occurred.
On the fifth day, another passenger took Goldberg aside.
"Listen, the Frenchman isn't telling you his name.
He's saying `Good Appetite,' that's what `Bon appetit!' means.''
At the next meal, Mr Goldberg, beaming,
bowed to the Frenchman and said, "Bon appetit!''.
And the Frenchman, beaming, replied: "Goldberg!''



Todays Cartoons

This is scary A plane landing in thick fog at Heathrow

A salesman is pressing a farmer about the finer points of his new combine

when he suddenly notices one of the roosters in the farmer's yard.
The rooster is wearing a shirt, and pants with suspenders.

It's all he can do to not gasp.
"What the hell is that all about?" he asks the farmer.
"A year or two ago, we had a fire in the chicken coop," the farmer explains.

"That rooster stayed in there until all the hens could get out,

and he ended up with all his feathers burned off.

Well, the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm."
"That's amazing," the salesman said.

"But you have to admit, it looks kinda funny."
"That ain't nothin'," the farmer says.

"You should see him try to hold down a hen with one foot

and get his pants down with the other."



Saw this interesting photo on "Bits and Pieces"

US-Mexico border Thats the US on the left and Tijuana on the right



A woman goes into to see the psychiatrist about her low self-esteem.

She is unhealthy, pale, and obese.

After tearfully explaining her predicament,

the doc says, "hmm, yes, could you please lie on the floor under the window?"

"Now over next to the door."

"Now under the bookshelves."

"Thank you."

He then occupies himself with writing.

The patient, exasperated, interrupts him and asks if he has anything he can offer her.

"No, he says, you need to see your internist about your poor health."

"Then what was all that stuff you had me do, lying on the floor?"

"Oh, I'm having a new white sofa delivered next week

and was wondering where to put it."

A woman went to the doctor asking for larger breasts.

The doctor gave her the choice of either having implants or wearing a magic bra.

"When you flap your arms up and down, the bra inflates," the doctor explained.

Of course, the women chose the bra.
The next day she was out at a bar with girlfriends

and noticed an attractive man sitting at the end of the bar.

Flapping her arms, she strolled over to flirt with the man

and he started flapping his legs.
"I see we have the same doctor," the man said.

NO OVERTAKING

THIS IS LOADS OF FUN!
Bet you can't get 100 on the first try.
This is pretty neat!
See how you do with the colors!
Have fun!
It takes an average of 5 tries to get to 100%.
Follow the directions!
It's harder than it seems, as it should be!
http://www.njagyouth.org/colortest.swf


Aliens.....a glimpse into the future

RISKY LOGIC

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way.

Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old,

goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed

to make her look years younger.

After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products,

she asks her husband -

"Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?"

Looking over her carefully,

Andy replied,... "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen;

and your figure, twenty five."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.

Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward,

he stops her by saying...

"WHOA, hold on there sweety!"

Andy interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet!"

This pretty cool

Sand Animation artist ..... Ilana Yahav

Love 2008

[Thanks to Jennie Simmons for sending this]




Moses

Heard this on a local radio station this morning

And looked it up on You Tube

Absolute Classic
The Springfields ....Island of Dreams

Thats Tom on the left, Dusty and Mike Hurst

MODERNISED PROVERBS

1. Don't change horses..........................until they stop running.

2. Strike while the........................................bug is close.

3. It's always darkest before.....................Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of ........ termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but ......... how?

6. Don't bite the hand that ........................ looks dirty.

7. No news is...........................................impossible.

8. A miss is as good as a ............................... Mr.

9. You can't teach an old dog new ............... maths.

10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ........ stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust ....................................... me.

12. The pen is mightier than the ................... pigs.

13. An idle mind is.................the best way to relax.

14. Where there's smoke there's ................. pollution.

15. Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is ................................... not much.

17. Two's company, three's ........................ the Musketeers.

18. Don't put off till tomorrow what .......... you put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ........you have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as .................... Stevie Wonder.

21. If at first you don't succeed ..................... get new batteries.

22. You get out of something only what you ........ see in the picture on the box.

23. When the blind lead the blind .................. get out of the way.

24. Better late than......................................pregnant.




And I think to myself

What a Wonderful World

Afew of you verbally commented on the Muppets clips

So here are two more

Bear in mind they are probably 25-30 years since they were originally performed

Never the less they are great to watch


Johnny Cash ..Orange Blossom Special and Jackson



Linda Ronstaadt .......When I grow too old to dream

Don't think Ihave ever heard her sing as good as this

95
A huge bun fight happened this week between the Australian and Indian Cricket teams
after the second Test in Sydney
With alleged racists taunts allegedly been made on the field
The Indian player was suspended for three matches
This caused the Indian Cricket team to do a huge dummy spit
Even threatened to take their bat and ball and go home
Since 1997 Indian players have been charged with 43 infringements for
offences including, intimidating umpires, abusing rival players, ball tampering,
time wasting and widespread dissent, with one player with a total of 12 offences
and the player at the centre of this latest incident, already has 5 indiscretions


[Cartoon by Jason Chatfield]


After the defeat of Team India,
the team members were not able to show their faces to people
and they chose not to go in public
and rather just pack up in hotel rooms.
Dravid could not resist for too long to be in the hotel room
and still not be able to go out shopping.
So he disguises himself as another man and goes out.
He meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him “Hi Dravid!”
Surprised for having been caught he comes back
and makes himself up as Muslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out.
Yet the same woman greets him “Hi Dravid!”
Dravid comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig
and shorts etc
. All in vain, the same lady catches him again and greets him “Hi Dravid!”
Bewildered by now, he could not help asking,
“How did you recognize me?”
The lady replied : “I am Sachin!”
----------


Mrs Hughes will put a smile on your face



Here are some women trying to learn Spanish
so that they can communicate with their Nanny's
warning ..contains some strong language]



Couldn't resist posting this when Isaw it






The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 years old.
He was short and thin.
He had no coat.
He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill.
Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand.
Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents,
I asked him what was wrong.
He told me his sad story.
He said that he came from a large family.
He had three brothers and four sisters.
His father had died when he was nine years old.
His mother was poorly educated and worked two full time jobs.
She made very little to support her large family.
Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars
to buy her children new winter coats.
The young boy had been dropped off,
by his mother, on the way to her second job.
He was to use the money to coats for all his siblings
and save just enough to take the bus home.
He had not even entered the mall when an older boy grabbed
one of the hundred dollar bills and disappeared into the night.
"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked.
The boy said, "I did."
"And nobody came to help you?" I queried.
The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head.
"How loud did you scream?" I inquired.
The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"
I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help.
So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car


Todays Cartoons

A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently

came upon a farmer working in his field.

Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man,

"Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord, my good man?"
Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied,

"Naw, these are soybeans."
"You don't understand," said the preacher.

"Are you a Christian?"
With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said,

"Nope, my name is Jones.

Jim Christian's farm is a mile south of here."
The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer,

"Are you lost?"
"Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer.
"Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked.
This caught the farmer's attention and he asked,

"When's it gonna be?"
Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied,

"It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day."
Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow,

the farmer remarked,

"Well, don't mention it to my wife.

She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days."

----------

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.

The first boy says,

"My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper.

He calls it a poem and they give him $50."
The second boy says,

"That's nothing.

My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper.

He calls it a song and they give him $100."
The third boy says,

"I got you both beat.

My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper.

He calls it a sermon,

and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

A funny Fairy Tale

Three women were sitting in an obstetrician's waiting room for their appointments.

The redhead announces proudly,

"I'm going to have a boy!"
How do you know? one of the others asked.
"I was on top, so I'm going to have a boy."
The brunette says,

"Well, I'm going to have a girl!

I was on the bottom, so I'll have a girl."
With that, the blonde bursts into tears.
What's wrong? the others ask.
The blonde looks up and cries,

"I'm going to have a puppy!"

----

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.

He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlightsand a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid,

went to the Kitchen and said to the cook,

"This guy out there just ordered three flat Tires,a pair of headlights

and a pair of running boards.

What does he think This place is ... An auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said.

"Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up,

and running boards are 2 slices of Crisp bacon."

"Oh, OK!" said the blonde.

She thought about it fora moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans

and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie?"

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires,headlights

and running boards,

you might as well gas up!"



Men with Signs???

More Men stuff

A Ladies view of Men

Men are like ... newborn babies. They're cute at first, but you get

tired of picking up their crap.

Men are like ... computers. Hard to figure out and never enough memory.

Men are like ... coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like ... chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like ... power tools. They make a lot of noise, but it's hard to get them to work.

Men are like ... remote controls. Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.

Men are like .... shag carpets. Soft, fuzzy and extremely easy to walk on.

Men are like ... vacuum cleaners. They're not much fun,

but at least you get to push them around.

Men are like ... road kill. They usually just lie around until they start to smell.

Men are like ... soap operas. They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.

Men are like ... pillows. Eventually, even the best ones get soft and lumpy.

Men are like ... old car tires. Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.

Men are like ... plastic wrap Cheap. Clingy. and very easy to see through.

Men are like ... horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like .. cement. After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

Men are like ... plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.


Cartoon of the Week

[thanks Gordon Hamilton]

If you like like playing Flush Poker

Then here is a fun link that will keep you occupied for as long as you want

When it loads to play against your computer click on Bet 1
http://www.militantplatypus.com/games/gamepage.php?game=flash%20poker&PHPSESSID=3f5f15b1a5fe5b6f5c129f39df9ae7d5

Now and then its good to pause in our

pursuit of happiness and just be happy

More signs of happiness

A lot of people ask where the saying

"You gotta be kiddin' me" came from.

Here's the story behind it....

Way back, George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops.

They were packed into the boats.

It was extremely dark and storming furiously.

The water was tossing them back and forth.

Finally Washington grabbed Corporal Peters

and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern.

He ordered him to keep swinging it so they could see where they were heading.

Corporal Peters stood up braving the wind and driving rain,

swinging the lantern back and forth.

A while later a big gust of wind hit and threw Corporal Peters

and his lantern into the Delaware.

Washington and his troops searched for hours trying to find

Corporal Peters but to no avail.

All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one their favorites.

An hour later Washington and his troops landed on the other side,

wet and totally exhausted.

He rallied the troops and told them they must go on.

After awhile, Washington and his men could go no further.

One of his men said, "General, I see lights ahead."

They trudged towards the lights and came upon a huge house there in the woods.

What they didn't know was this was a house of ill repute hidden

in the forest to serve all who came.

General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him.

The door swung open and the madam looked out to see Washington and all his men.

A huge smile came across her face to see so many men standing there.

Washington spoke up, "Ma'am, I'm General George Washington and these are my men.

We're tired and exhausted and desperately need warmth and comfort for a while.

Again the Madam looked at all the men standing there and with a broad smile on her face said, "Well General, you have come to the right place.

We can surely give you warmth and comfort.

How many men do you have?"

Washington said,

"Well ma'am, there are thirty two of us without Peters."

She looked at him and said: "You gotta be kiddin' me."

There is a traditional sport in Ireland, "cliff shoving."

It involves a small rodent, the rarie, being pushed off a cliff.

The competitor who pushes the rarie over the edge with the least effort wins.

Of course, these days people aren't so keen on blood sports.

So, the rodents are nudged into a small shallow pit.

Recently, an Australian competed.

During a break, he mentioned that he'd had an 18-hour journey to get there.

"But I knew it would be a long flight," he said.

"After all, it's a long way to tip a rarie."

And I think to myself

What a Wonderful World

Penitentes
these amazing ice spikes (generally known as penitentes due to their

resemblence to processions of white-hooded monks)

can be found on mountain glaciers and vary in size dramatically:

from a few centimetres to 5 metres in height.
‘initially, the sun’s rays cause random dimples on the surface of the snow.

once such a dimple is formed, sunlight can be reflected within the dimple,

increasing the localised sublimation.

as this accelerates, deep troughs are formed,

leaving peaks of ice standing between them’ - new scientist

Today's Music videos

Ronnie Milsap....Lost in the Fifties tonight

Acker Bilk....Stranger on the Shore

Technorati Profile

94
Have taken today off to conduct a bit of business and collect a few debts
So have taken the chance to get the mid week blog up and running
Enjoy

Happy Birthday Elvis!
Elvis Aaron Presley (January 8, 1935–August 16, 1977), was an

American singer, musician and actor.

He is a cultural icon, often known as "The King of Rock 'n' Roll", or simply "The King".

1Presley began his career as one of the first performers of rockabilly, an uptempo fusion of country and rhythm and blues with a strong back beat.

His novel versions of existing songs, mixing "black" and "white" sounds, made him popular

—and controversial—

as did his uninhibited stage and television performances.

He recorded songs in the rock and roll genre, with tracks like

"Hound Dog" and "Jailhouse Rock" later embodying the style.

Presley had a versatile voice and had unusually wide success encompassing other genres, including gospel, blues, ballads and pop.

To date, he is the only performer to have been inducted into four music halls of fame.

In the 1960s, Presley made the majority of his thirty-three movies

—mainly poorly reviewed musicals.

In 1968, he returned to live music in a television special and

thereafter performed across the U.S., notably in Las Vegas.

Throughout his career, he set records for concert attendance,

television ratings and recordings sales.

He is one of the best-selling and most influential artists in the history of popular music.

Health problems plagued Presley in later life which,

coupled with a punishing tour schedule and addiction to prescription medication,

led to his premature death at age 42.

The Muppets and the King

[the above was pinched from "Bits and Pieces" ...thanks Jonco]

With Hillary Clinton in the news so much ,we might as well post a Hillary Clinton joke

Senator Hillary Clinton and former Attorney General Janet Reno
were having one of those girl-to-girl talks, and Hillary said to Janet,
"You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men seeking sex with you.
I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he was last."
Janet responded, "Just because I am aesthetically challenged does not mean
I don't have to fight off occasional unwelcome advances."
Hillary asks, "Well, how do you deal with the problem?"
Janet: "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me,
I muster all my might, tense, and squeeze to break wind as loud and hard as I can."
That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips into bed.
She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action.
She had been saving gas all day long and was ready for him.
She tenses up and forces out the most disgusting sound you could imagine.
Bill rolled over and said, "Janet, is that you?"








During a whistle-stop campaign,
the presidential candidate's train hopped the tracks.
It ran roughshod through a farmer's field.
Several animals were killed.
The politician agreed to reimburse him.
This is the first and only time a politician
took responsibility for all the bulls hit.
------





Unpigmented penguin something special for Antarctic scientists
Posted Wed Jan 2, 2008 8:20pm AEDT
Updated Thu Jan 3, 2008 11:42am AEDT

A rare unpigmented adelie penguin seen by the Mawson Hut Foundation team
(Mawsons Hut Foundation: Brett Jarrett)
The sighting of a rare penguin has excited researchers near Mawson Huts in Antarctica.
An adult, unpigmented Adelie penguin was photographed near Granholm Hut on Sunday.
Penguins lacking pigmentation are referred to as "leucistic" and do not usually survive until adulthood because they attract predators and don't breed.
Australian Antarctic Division biologist, Rhonda Pike, says only one penguin with the genetic defect has been detected over a number of breeding seasons in a population of 4,000 Adelies.
"We have a population of tagged birds out there and we've never tagged any of the leucistic birds," said Ms Pike.
"So we don't know if it's the same one coming back year after year, , one out of 4,000."

But don't tell the Norwegians [they might want to shoot it]


A white moose was sighted in the forest of Østfold, Norway.
Naturally, some Norwegians want to shoot it:
"It is surely entertaining to have an albino moose wandering in the woods
but in purely breeding terms it is not right to let it live,"
Morten Brommdal, manager of the animal section at the Institute for Molecular Bioscience at the University of Oslo told Moss Avis.
"That so many people want the white moose to live is an emotional issue.
It is exciting to have such a rarity rustling around.
But if it is spared we risk the moose’s breeding qualities spreading.
Soon we might two, three, four or five albino moose in these wooded areas,
something which in the long run can weaken the herd," said Brommdal,
who pointed out that an albino moose is really a kind of ‘mistake’
---------



A deer hunter was out enjoying a nice day out in the woods
when he decided to take a leak.
He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun.
Just then a gust of wind blew,
the gun fell over and discharged shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor, who said,
"Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news."
"The good news is that you are going to be OK.
The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage
and we were able to remove all of the buck shot."
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive damage done to your manly part
I'm going to have to refer you to my brother."
"Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad," the man replied
"is your brother a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly. he's a flute player in the local symphony.
He's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't pee in your eye"


Links for fun
Air Force test
From Shelleys Snippets
If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal. It's been said that the US Air Force uses this for fighter pilots. They are expected to go for at least 2 minutes.
Give it a try but be careful...it is addictive!!
Air Force Test
What you have to do is click on to the red square in the centre and move it out of the way of the moving black squares and rectangles without touching the side walls. Like evading attacking aircraft.
I lasted a little over 8 seconds after about 12 tries.




Beer - A Real Eye Opener (Flash)
Beer - makes her body good. Warning - the effect may be temporary!
when it loads,drag the pointer accross your screen

Turn your backyard in to a lake


If you can watch this and not be inspired by it,
then you may as well spend the rest of your days in the cupboard
Watch it a couple of times



Today's Cartoons

The relations counsellor was giving a husbands-only seminar.

Before he started, he asked for a show of hands:

how many people in the group had intimate relations with their wives every day?

A few hands went up.

A few times a week?

Once a month?

By this point only one man had not yet raised his hand:

but he had the broadest smile of anyone in the room.

Once a year?

And the man, still grinning from ear to ear, finally raised his hand.

The counsellor, quite puzzled, asked:

"So what makes you so happy?"

"Tonight's the night!"

Ok, Ok,

Taking a break

THEME PARTY
One weekend, there was a costume party at a mental hospital,

and the theme of the party was "war".
The first patient comes up onto the stage and says,

"I am an atomic bomb."

He gets his applause and steps down.
The second person comes up and says,

"I am a hydrogen bomb."

Again, there is a round of applause and he steps down.
And then a naked little man comes up to the stage and says,

"I'm dynamite."

Everybody in the audience runs away hysterically.
When one of the mental patients was asked why they all ran away, he replied,

"Didn't you see how short his fuse was?"

[stolen from Miss Cellania]



Say... Cheese!

Brilliant Lines

1) Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2) The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

3) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

4) Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

5) I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

6) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

7) What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

8) I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

9) I'm already visualizing the masking tape over your mouth.

10)Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

11) I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

12) It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

13) Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

14) No, my powers can only be used for good.

15) How about never? Is never good for you?

16) I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

17) You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.

18) I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

19) I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

20) I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

21) Who me? I just wander from room to room.

22) My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

23) It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

24) At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

25) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

26) I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

27) Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

28)I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

29)Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"

30)My reality check bounced.

31)On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.




And I think to myself

What a wonderful World

The Spotted lake
the spotted lake (kliluk), situated in Osoyoos, Canada, contains one of the

highest concentrations of minerals in the world (mainly epsom salts, calcium and sodium sulphates).

The lake’s healing waters were used by native indians to alleviate aches and pains

and during the first world war the salts were skimmed from the surface in huge amounts

to be transported to eastern american munitions factories -

sometimes as much as a ton per day.

The pattern you see below appears during hot sunny days as the water evaporates and the minerals crystallize to form hundreds of incredible yellow pools.

A husband and wife were on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack.

"Help," she groaned to her husband.

He dialed 911 on his cellphone,

talked a little and then picked up his putter and started lining up his putt.

She raised her head off the grass and moaned,

"I'm dying here and you're putting?"

He replied, "Don't worry, dear.

The club located a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."

"Did they say how long it will take him?", she asked.

"Not too long," said her husband, practicing his putting stroke.

"Everybody's agreed he can play through!"

MORE

Some music vids for your enjoyment

Mac Davis.. Its Hard to be Humble


Gotta love Mac Davis
The next Clip is Ray Charles appearing on the Hee Haw TV Show

Ray Charles....Take these Chains from my Heart


And a great classic for you to sing a long to

Go on...Belt ot out

The Drifters...Under the Board Walk

Any Volunteers???

Take the Eye Test before you leave

93
G'day, Welcome to this edition of the blog
Only 20 days to Australia Day [another Holiday]




The Ideal Woman....Lynx effect
[too good to be true]




From the Shaun Mcallef Show [Australian]
The Wheel








A Soviet journalist walked into the hospital and told the desk nurse,
"I want to see the eye-ear doctor."
"There is no such doctor" she tells him.
"Perhaps you would like to see someone else?"
"No, I need to see an eye-ear doctor," he says.
"But there is no such doctor," she replies.
"We have doctors for the eyes and doctors for the ear, nose and throat, but no eye-ear doctor."
No help. He repeats, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."
They go around like this for a few minutes and then the nurse says:
"Comrade, there is no eye-ear doctor, but if there were one,
why would you want to see him?"
"Because," he replies, "I keep hearing one thing and seeing another."
[pinched from Miss Cellania]



NUN FUN



Cartoons

One year, a travelling ballet troupe decided to perform Swan Lake.

It spent months rehearsing.

Two days before hitting the road, it held a dress rehearsal.

Unfortunately, moths had gotten into the tutus.

They were destroyed.

And there was no place in town to buy new ones.

So the producer called around to neighboring cities.

Eventually, a shop promised to deliver tutus by train the next day.

The producer went to the train station to await delivery.

The stationmaster noticed him and asked if he needed help.

“No,” he replied.
“I’m just waiting for the tutu train.”

-----



Today in the Stock Market

Helium was up, feathers were down.

Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cow steered into a bull market.

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Diapers remain unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Coca Cola fizzled.

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

Sun peaked at midday.

Balloon prices were inflated.

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market

Say no more

Subject: Wild!!!

(Nothing scandalous, just good clean fun!)
You won't believe this!!!

1. GO TO THE FOLLOWING SITE : http://www.tatuagemdaboa.com.br/

2. TYPE YOUR FIRST NAME ON THE 1st LINE.

3. TYPE YOUR LAST NAME ON THE 2nd LINE.

(Skip your email address.)

4. Click on vizualizar and watch what happens....
[thanks to Geoff Collins for this]

Father Murphy walked into a pub in Donegal, and said to the first man he meets,

"Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then leave this pub right now!" and approached a second man.

"Do you want to got to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply."

Then leave this den of Satan," said the priest, as he walked up to O'Toole.

"Do you want to go to heaven?"

"No, I don't Father," O'Toole replied.

The priest looked him right in the eye, and said,

"You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole smiled, "Oh, when I die, yes, Father.

I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

-------------

Ideal Woman..version 2

"A guy walks into a bar . . ."
No one knows when the first joke beginning with the six words "A guy walks into a bar

. . ." was told, or how it went.

Nevertheless, an entire genre of jokes has been created revolving around that opening scenario. Here's a sampling of some of the variants that have sprung up,

many now involving animals or inanimate objects:

A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do I come here often?"

A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.

A young Texan walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Got any ID?" asks the bartender.

The Texan replies, "About what?"

A pair of battery jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, "You can come in here, but you better not start anything!"

A Latin scholar walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a martinus."

The bartender asks him. "Don't you mean martini?"

The man tells the bartender, "Listen, if I wanted two or more drinks I would have asked for them."

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "So, why the long face?"

A variant on this joke during the 2004 presidential campaign substituted John Kerry for the horse, but the punch line remains the same.

A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Has my father been in here?"

The bartender says, "I don't know. What does he look like?"

A brain goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer, please."

The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're out of your head."

A little pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks.

He finishes them and the bartender says, "Don't you want to know where the toilet is?"

The pig says, "No, thanks, I go wee-wee-wee all the way home."

René Descartes is in a bar at closing time. The bartender asks him if he'd like another drink. Descartes says, "I think not," and he disappears.

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and . . . . a packet of peanuts.

The barman says, why the big pause?"

A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10.

You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here."

The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

A dog with his foot wrapped in a bloody bandage hobbles into a Western saloon.

He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender.

"Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here.

We've even got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

A goldfish flops into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks,

"What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog.

The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" The lady answers, "Never!"

The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand.

The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"

The woman replies, "He doesn't. That's not my dog."

A guy walks into a bar. A horse behind the bar serving drinks.

The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, "What are you staring at?

Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?"

The guy says, "Honestly, no. I never thought the parrot would sell the place."

A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?"

The skeleton says, "Give me a beer, and a mop."

A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says,

"What is this, some kind of joke?"

A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman:

"What's the quickest way to get to Dublin?"

"Are you walking or driving?" asks the barman.

"Driving," says a man.

"That's the quickest way," says the barman.

A fellow walks into a pub near Buckingham Palace in London, sits down, and says,

"Give me a beer. I've had a rough day at work."

And the bartender says, "Oh? What do you do?"

The guy says, "I take care of the corgis--you know, the dogs the royal family owns."

The bartender asks, "Tough job, huh?

The guy says, "Yeah. All that inbreeding has led to low intelligence and bad temperaments.

And the dogs aren't too smart, either."

A man goes into a bar and says, "Give me a drink before the trouble starts."

And the bartender pours him a drink.

He drinks it and says, "Give me another drink before the trouble starts."

He downs that one and says quotation mark, give me another drink before the trouble starts." Finally, the bartender asks, "Just when is this trouble going to start?"

The man says, "The trouble starts just as soon as I tell you that I don't have any money."

A tourist goes into a bar where a dog is sitting in a chair playing poker.

He asks, "Is that dog there really playing poker?"

And the bartender says, "Yeah, but he's not too smart.

Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail."

This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper.

And so are his shirt, vest, chaps, pants, and boots.

His spurs are also made of paper.

Pretty soon, the sheriff arrives and arrests him for rustling.

A guy goes into a bar, orders four shots of the most expensive 30-year-old single malt Scotch whisky and downs them one after the other.

The bartender says, "You seem to be in a great hurry."

The guy says, "You would be too if you had what I have."

The bartender asks, "What have you got?

"Fifty cents," is the reply.

A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer.

As he sipped the beer, he heard a voice say, "Nice tie."

Looking around, he saw that the bar was empty except for him and the bartender.

A few sips later, another voice said, "Beautiful shirt."

At this, the man calls the bartender over.

"Say, I must be losing my mind," he tells him.

"I keep hearing these voices say nice things, and there is not a soul in here but us."

"It's the peanuts," explains the bartender, indicating a dish on the bar.

"The peanuts?"

"That's right, the peanuts--they're complementary."

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe.

He says, "A beer for me and one for my giraffe."

And they stand around drinking for hours until the giraffe passes out on the floor.

The man pays the tab and gets up to leave.

The bartender says, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lyin' on the floor, are you?"

The man says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

A guy walks into a bar with a German shepherd dog.

The bartender says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed!

Get that mutt out of here!"

The man replies, "No, I can't read the sign--I'm blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog."

The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house.

Later that day, the man tells his friend about it:

"I told him I was blind, and I got a free beer!"

The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down.

The bartender says, "The sign says no dogs allowed! You'll have to leave!"

The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog." The bartender replies, "Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as Seeing Eye dogs?"

The man says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"

A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what are you doing?"

And the blind man says, "Don't mind me. I'm just looking around."

A man walks into a bar looking sad, and the bartender asks him,

"What's the matter?"

The man says, "My wife and I had a fight, and she told me she wasn't going

to speak to me for a month.

The month is up today."

This guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.

He looks in his pocket and orders another drink,

looks in his pocket and orders still another drink.

His curiosity aroused, the bartender asks,

"What are you doing? What's in your pocket?"

And the guy says, "It's a picture of my wife.

When she starts looking good to me, I know it's time to go home."


"Where's he gone.? he was here a second ago"

Cartoon of the week

And I think to myself

What a wonderful World

A Camper's Story
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service,

the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior

to tag migratory birds was changed.

The bands used to bear the name of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated

"Wash. Biol. Surv."

The agency then received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:

"To whom it may concern:

While camping last week I shot one of your birds.

I think it was a crow.

I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag

and I want to tell you it was horrible."

The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service

Today's music

Three Beautiful women

Three Beautiful songs

Three Beautiful voices

Celtic Woman...Are you going to Scarborough Fair]

Enya ....Orinoco Flow [Sail Away. Sail Away]

Judith Durham...When the Stars begin to fall





Playfoot

92
Back to work again today with some real dry humid weather about
so

stolen from "It occurred to me" cheers Mike

2007 Obituaries
The year started with the deaths of noted Australians such as Sir James Killen
and rocker Billy Thorpe,
and ended with the assassination of former Pakistan prime minister Benazir Bhutto.
Others who passed on and left their mark on the world include US model Anna Nicole Smith, Russian ex-president Boris Yeltsin, opera great Luciano Pavarotti, actress Deborah Kerr, daredevil Evel Knievel and rock 'n roll pioneer Ike Turner.
A full list of our obituaries below.

January 4 - Boy From Oz producer Ben Gannon
January 9 - Scooby-Doo designer Iwao Takamoto
January 10 - Italian film producer Carlo Ponti
January 11 - Actress Yvonne De Carlo
January 12 - Former federal Liberal Party minister Sir James Killen
January 31 - Bestselling US novelist Sidney Sheldon
January 7 - Singer Frankie Laine
February 9 - US model Anna Nicole Smith
February 20 - Australian author Professor Elizabeth Jolley
February 28 - Australian rock musician Billy Thorpe
March 9 - Are You Being Served actor John Inman
March 9 - Former AFL chairman Ron Evans
March 11 - Australian author, broadcaster and comedian Angela Webber
March 14 - Actress Betty Hutton
March 17 - 'National Living Treasure' for helping the East Timorese people, Mavis Taylor
March 19 - Pakistan cricket coach Bob Woolmer
March 20 - Amityville Horror director Stuart Rosenberg
April 10 - BC cartoonist Johnny Hart
April 12 - Slaughterhouse-Five author Kurt Vonnegut
April 16 - Indigenous actor Justine Saunders
April 20 - ACT Chief Police Officer Audrey Fagan
April 23 - Australian guitarist Lobby Loyde
April 24 - Russian ex-president Boris Yeltsin
April 27 - Former head of America's Motion Picture Association, Jack Valenti
April 28 - Russian cellist Mstislav Rostropovich
May 16 - US evangelist Jerry Falwell
May 20 - Golf legend Norman Von Nida
May 22 - High-profile QC Peter Hayes
June 2 - China Vice-Premier Huang Ju
June 4- Former deputy Qld premier Tom Burns
June 15 - Former United Nations leader Kurt Waldheim
June 28 - Fashion designer Liz Claiborne
July 3 - Opera singer Beverly Sills
July 6 - Jazz singer George Melly
July 9 - Former Australian Defence Force chief, General John Baker
July 11 - Lady Bird Johnson, widow of former US president Lyndon Johnson
July 12 - Australian broadcaster Stan Zemanek
July 13 - Australian fashion designer Ross Weymouth
July 22 - US televangelist Tammy Faye Messner
July 28 - Australian comedian Lucky Grills
July 30 - Swedish director Ingmar Bergman
August 13 - Wheel of Fortune creator Merv Griffin
August 17 - Sydney Dance Company artistic director Tanja Liedtke
September 6 - Opera great Luciano Pavarotti
September 11 - Oscar-winning actress Jane Wyman
September 11 - Body Shop founder Dame Anita Roddick
September 13 - Former ABC racecaller Geoff Mahoney
September 13 - Australian anti-solarium campaigner Clare Oliver
September 16 - Former world rally driving champion, Briton Colin McRae
September 17 - Queensland outback cattle droving legend Edna Jessop
September 21 - Former ALP senator Bob Collins
September 23 - Mime artist Marcel Marceau
September 24 - Rugby league commentator Frank Hyde
September 30 - 'Miss Moneypenny' actress Lois Maxwell
October 1 - AFL Premiership player and sports presenter Chris Mainwaring
October 13 - Former ALP politician and Whitlam government minister, Kim Beazley Snr
October 19 - Queensland TV star Brian Tait
October 19 - Last 'Rat Pack' member Joey Bishop
October 19 - Actress Deborah Kerr
October 23 - Founder of Crazy John's mobile phone company, John Ilhan
October 24 - Former ABC TV newsreader and radio broadcaster Jocelyn Terry
October 31 - Actor and singer Robert Goulet
November 2 - Channel Ten newsreader Charmaine Dragun
November 2 - Enola Gay pilot of Hiroshima bomber, Brigadier General Paul Warfield Tibbets Jr
November 3 - Federal independent MP Peter Andren
November 11 - Author Norman Mailer
November 15 - US author Ira Levin
November 17 - ABC arts presenter Andrea Stretton
November 19 - Australian rodeo champion Greg Meech
November 21 - Former Rhodesia Prime Minister Ian Smith
November 25 - Australian journalist Matt Price
November 27 - Asbestos campaigner Bernie Banton
December 1 - South Australian tennis champion Ken McGregor
December 1 - Daredevil Evel Knievel
December 8 - German composer Karlheinz Stockhausen
December 13 - Rock and roll pioneer Ike Turner
December 15 - Former Brisbane mayor Clem Jones
December 17 - US singer-songwriter Dan Fogelberg
December 21 - Bing Lee co-founder Ken Lee
December 22 - Former Western Australian premier Sir Charles Court
December 24 - French surreal writer Julien Gracq
December 25 - Oscar-winning US choreographer Michael Kidd
December 25 - Sydney radio newsreader Jim Angel
December 25 - Jazz pianist Oscar Peterson
December 27 - Former Pakistan prime minister Benazir Bhutto










With Christmas and New Year out of the way
we now look forward to
Australia Day on January 26th [23 days]
According to my calculations this is our 220th birthday



Todays Funny video
FCU [Fact Checking Unit] starring Bill Murray
Its a bit long but very funny





Two men were walking home after a party and decided
to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise
coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel,
chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath,
"You scared us half to death ... we thought you were a ghost!
What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled.
"They misspelled my name!"

CARTOONS

BOSS DEFEATED

The boss invited a new junior employee to come into his office.

"What is your name?" he asked.

"Alistair," the new guy replied.

The boss scowled.

"Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before,

but I don't call anyone by first names.

It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority," he said.

"I refer to my employees by their last name only

- Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling.

My name is Alistair Darling."

The boss said, "Okay, Alistair, the next thing I want to tell you, Alistair…"



Mice

Serial [cereal] Mouse

I'll just cut straight to the cheese

Dr Rat

Saw this video clip on Miss Cellania's site today

And I thought Iwould share it with you

[Thanks Miss C]

Birds on a Wire

Here are a couple of great sites to visit

[Don't forget to come back]

The first is the Unicef Photo's of 2007

Warning some of these are a bit graphic

http://www.unicef.de/foto/2007/english/index.htm#2preis


The second link is a series of very cool photo's of the Pyramids

http://chamorrobible.org/gpw/gpw-20040823.htm




This is a kiwi

This is a Kiwi joke

A NEW ZEALAND JOKE

I think New Zealanders tell the same joke about Australians

Bob the builder was going through a house he had just built with the woman who owned it.

She was telling him what colour to paint each room.

They went into the first room and she said

"I want this room to be painted a light blue."

The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red.

The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan.

The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

When he came back, the lady was pretty curious,

so she asked him "I keep telling you colours,

but you go out the front and yell green side up; what is that for?

The builder said,

"Oh don't worry about that, I've got a couple of Kiwis laying the turf out front."

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night,

when behind him he hears:

BUMP.................

BUMP.........

BUMP....

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image

of an upright casket banging its way down the middle

of the street toward him.

BUMP.........

BUMP.....

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home,

the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER.......

FASTER.....

BUMP.....

BUMP....

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door,

rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door,

with the lid of the casket clapping

Clappity-BUMP........

clappity-BUMP......

clappity-BUMP...

on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom,

the man locks himself in.

His heart is pounding;his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps

.......With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him......

The man SCREAMS and reaches for something, anything,

but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket

...and.......

.(I hope you're ready for this!!!)...

The coffin stops!



And I think to myself

What a Wonderful World

I have a lot of really great friends in the Southern parts of the States

When Icame accross this , I found it very funny,

having been to this part of the USA three times

Smile!!!!
Southernisms

1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.

2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."

3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)

8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

12.) Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.

13.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

14.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

15.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."

16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

17.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

18.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

19.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

20.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

Sounds good

I'll change my name to Muhammed

and will be there next week


Talking Dog
A guy was driving around the outback and saw a sign in front of a broken down house:

"Talking Dog for Sale.”
He rang the doorbell.

The owner appeared and told him the dog was in the backyard.

The guy went into the backyard and saw a nice looking blue-cattle dog sitting there.

"Do you talk?" he asked.

"Yep," the dog replied.

After the guy recovered from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he said:

"So, what's your story?"

The bluey looked up and said,

"Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.

I wanted to help the government, so I told the Federal Police.

In no time at all, they had me jetting from country to country,

sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders,

because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

But the jetting around really tired me out,

and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.

Signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security,

wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

I got married, had a bunch of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy was amazed.

He went back inside and asked the owner what he wanted for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy said.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar.

He never did any of that shit."
[thanks Joan Andony]

Here's a video that will have you jumping and jiving all around your computer

Brooks and Dunn............Boot Scootin Boogie