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The Worlds most obedient dog
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stolen from Bits and Pieces
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Boudreaux and Clarence
Boudreaux live across de bayou from Clarence who he don like no way at all.
Dey all de time yell & cuss across de bayou at eachudder.
Boudreaux's a yellin to Clarence, 'You ol' mudbug! If I had me a way to cross dis bayou,
I'd come over dere an beat up on you good, yeah!'
Dis went on for years.
Finally de state done built a bridge across dat bayou right by dere houses
and Boudreaux's wife, Marie, say,
'Now is you chance, Beaux. Why don you go over der an beat up dat ol Clarence like you say?' Boudreaux say, 'OK, 'Mon Cher ... and he start across da bridge,
but he see a sign on da bridge an he stop to read it,
den he go back to da houseboat.
Marie say, 'Why you back so soon, Beau?'
Boudreaux say, 'Mon Cher, I dun change my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence.
You know dis, Marie, dey got dem a sign on dat dere bridge dat say,
'Clarence 13 ft. 6 in.'
Seem like he don look near dat big when I yell at him across de bayou.'
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Cartoons...........The Wonderful World of Animals
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A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive,
so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around,
my zip code keeps changing."
Beached Whale in New Zealand
A veterinarian was also an amateur geneticist.
One day, one of his experiments paid off.
He successfully combined the DNA of a cantaloupe with that of a dog.
The result was a small, round dog with orange-tinted fur.
For many years, the dog was happy.
For many years, the dog was happy.
But over time, he became lethargic and morose.
The vet tried everything to cure the dog's depression.
Eventually, he decided to take the dog to a pet psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist told the veterinarian not to worry.
The dog was just ...
... a little melon collie.
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There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake.
... a little melon collie.
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There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake.
There was an island in the middle of the lake,
over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years.
Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle,
and the winner would take the island.
The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp
The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp
and readied themselves for the fight.
The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires,
all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food.
The second kingdom had twenty knights, and each knight had 10 squires.
Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle.
At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire.
This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree.
He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor.
When the hour of the battle came,
When the hour of the battle came,
the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight
(this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in).
The battle raged, and when the dust had cleared,
The battle raged, and when the dust had cleared,
the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom,
having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms,
thus proving ...
... that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires
... that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires
of the other two sides.
living in their squalid apartment,
all three dream of success
In the end however,
Both Bob the spoon
and Eddie the fork
wound up in an old silverware drawer
and only Mack went onto fame and fortune
thanks Duke
Politics
Two farmers were discussing politics and the first one says:
"I believe in a share and share alike policy. One where we are all equal."
"Well" replied the other farmer
"I'm not sure about that. What you mean is that if you have two horses you'd give me one?"
"Of course" says the first.
The second farmer continued:
"and if you had two cars, you'd give me one of them too?"
"Absolutely"
"So" says the second farmer, "if you had two pigs then you'd give me one of them?"
"Ah, now hang on a minute" says the first,
"you know I've got two pigs!"
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more Politics
Circle Flies
A Republican cowboy from Texas goes to a social function where
Circle Flies
A Republican cowboy from Texas goes to a social function where
Hillary Clinton is trying to gather more support for her nomination.
Once she discovers the cowboy is a Republican,
she starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.
As she was doing that, she kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around her head.
The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"
She stopped talking and said, "Well yes, if that's what they're called.
But I've never heard of circle flies."
"Well ma'am," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches.
They're called circle flies because they're almost always found
circling around the back end of a horse."
"Oh," Hillary replies as she goes back to rambling.
But, a moment later she stops and bluntly asks,
"Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, ma'am," the cowboy replies,
"I have too much respect for citizens of New York to call their Se nator a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," she responds and begins rambling on once more.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, . .
"Hard to fool them flies though !"
Religion
At a fundamentalist church revival, Leroy gets in line,
and when it's his turn, the preacher asks:
"Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."
The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear,
and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head,
lifts his eyes and head to the Heavens and prays and prays and prays.
After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands,
stands back and asks Leroy:
"Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy says,
"I don't know, Reverend, it ain't until next Wednesday."
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Music
Roy Orbison......Windsurfer
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Music
Roy Orbison......Windsurfer
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are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.
4 comments:
That dog is amazing. Absolutely amazing. :)
I've already stolen this one. It will post on the 7th. You get some good ones. :)
no worries Sandee
My pleasure
That dog sure is well trained
Cheers
Atheism seems to be your mission in life. How tedious.
argos
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