Sunday, March 15, 2009


And now for something quite different
A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do.
My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine.
He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things."
The friend says, "Take a tip from me.
The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly,
'Every glass and plate that you take,
wash when you are done and put back in its place.'"
The first woman asked, "Did it help?"
Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."

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A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police.
"Honest, I'm not a suicide bomber," he said.
"I didn't say I wanted to blow myself up so I could sleep with 72 virgins.
All I said was I'm dying to get laid!"

I've got a new car

Kids...are just wonderful

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Q: How do you tell a brown bear from a grizzly bear?
A: Climb a tree.If the bear climbs it and eats you, it is a brown bear.
If the bear knocks the tree down and eats you, it is a grizzly.


What can I say?????
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French jokes
What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The army.
How can you recognise a French veteran?
Sunburned armpits.
Why are there so many tree-lined boulevards in France?
Germans like to march in the shade.
Why did it take Germany three days to conquer France in World War II?
Because it was raining.
Why did the French give America the Statue of Liberty?
Because she has only one arm raised.
Why do the French get more votes in the U.N.?
They vote with both hands.
Why is the French fighter plane called the Mirage?
It doesn't exist.
Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
What does 'Maginot' mean in German?
Why is the French Foreign Legion the only decent fighting force in the whole French Army? Because it's made up of foreigners
.What does the new French flag look like?
A white cross emblazoned on a white background.
What's the shortest book ever written?
French War Heroes.
What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training?
How to surrender in at least ten languages.
What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A rear-view mirror, so they can see the war.
Why does Nike like the French Army?
Because in wartime they are the biggest buyers of running shoes.
Why did the French celebrate their World Cup in 1998 so wildly?
It was their first time they won anything without outside help.
Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy?
To see all their other ships.
What did the mayor of Paris say to the German army as they entered the city in World War II? 'Table for 100,000, monsieur?'
Why are the French afraid of war?
You would be, too, if you had never won one.
How do you stop a French army on horseback?
Turn off the carousel.
Did you hear about the French admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died?
Five sailors died digging his grave.
What's the best thing about being French?
You can surrender at the beginning of the war and somebody else will win it for you. '
I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.'
General George S. Patton.
How do the French advertise surplus World War II rifles for sale?
'Never fired, only dropped once.'
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Instrumental hits

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A Scotsman went into a phone booth and called a number.
Connected, he said, "Mary, my love, will you marry me?
Think it over and call me."
He gave her the number of the phone in the booth.
Hours went by and the Scotsman stood around.
The phone didn't ring once.
Another Scot, watching from a pub across the street, came over and said,
"Look, lad. She won't marry you.
You might as well come in and have a pint.
Not that I'm buying, mind you."
The waiting Scot waved off his friend and continued to wait.
Suddenly the phone rang.
The Scot said,
"Mary's the girl for me, I knew that.
She was waiting for the night rates!"

He had been working as a bag boy for five years,
so when the supermarket gets some brand new orange juice machines,
he is excited to be trying out a different job ...
but the manager says no.
"But I have been working here for five years.
Why can't I run the juice machines?"
"I am sorry, but baggers can't be juicers."


A domineering man married a mere wisp of a girl.
He came back from his honeymoon a chastened husband.
He had become aware of the will of the wisp.


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Some Cool Ads

stolen from - in fun we trust!
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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ha! These are great. But they would be just as funny, in most cases, if you substituted "French" with "Democrat" -- Hee hee!