Wednesday, April 8, 2009



This week Tweety Bird turned 60
From this

to this

Thanks Liz

Two girls board a crowded bus and one of them whispers to the other,
"Watch me embarrass a man into giving me his seat."
Pushing her way through the crowd,
she turned all of her charms upon a gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily.
"My dear Mr. Wilson," she gushed,
"fancy meeting you here on the bus.
Am I glad to see you! Why you're almost a stranger.
My, but I'm tired!"
The sedate gent looked up at the girl. He had never seen her before
but he rose and said pleasantly,
"Sit down, Mary, my girl. It isn't often I see you on washday.
No wonder you're tired. Being pregnant isn't easy.
By the way, don't deliver the wash until Thursday.
My wife is going to the District Attorney's office to see whether
or not she can get your husband out of jail."
Brave or just plain stupid??

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Lying down on the psychiatrist's couch, the young man said to the doctor,
"I wanted to see you because I think I am gay."
"Oh?" said the doctor. "And what makes you think that?"
"Well, my grandfather was gay, and so was my father."
"That doesn't mean you're gay," said the psychiatrist.
"We don't believe that homosexuality is hereditary."
"Maybe not, but my two brothers are also gay."
"Really?" said the doctor, intrigued.
"That's right. And so are my two uncles and my cousin."
"That IS uncanny," said the psychiatrist, his interest greatly piqued.
"Tell me, isn't there anyone in your family who has sex with women?"
"Yes, sir," the young man said. "My sisters."
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The following two video's give a glimpse into some of awesome Road Trains
that traverse northern parts of Australia.
As you can see from the video's , not all roads that these monsters travel on
are not sealed roads
If you are off the beaten track and see a great cloud of dust heading for you,
the best advice is to get as far off the road as possible
until they pass and the dust has settled




Quick Word Game
Turn "SEAL" into "COAT" in four moves
A man walks into his local butchers and ask for a pound of what's what.
The butcher, puzzled by this request, informs the man that they don't sell what's what.
So the man leaves, only to come back the next day and ask for the same.
The butcher, in a light hearted, mood thinks the man is pulling his leg,
so he chuckles lightly and informs the man that they do not sell what's what
and sends the man on his way once again.
The next day the man returns, more determined than ever,
and asks for a pound of what's what.
The butcher is infuriated."Stop wasting my time and your own -
I've told you before we don't sell what's what,
nor have we ever heard of it!" bellows the Butcher
."What's that then?" the man says quickly, pointing at a random selection of meat.
"What's what?" the butcher replies.
The man answers, "Well, I'll have a pound of that then."
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Google Eyes
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Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything
that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store
and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach Dressed in their 'tourist' garb.
They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery
when a 'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them.
They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them she smiled and said
'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,'
nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.
They were both stunned.
How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them!
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.
After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde,
wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time,
came walking toward them.
Again she nodded at each of them, said
'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said,
'Just a minute, young lady
.''Yes, Father?''
We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know,
how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied,'Father, it's me,............
Sister Kathleen!'
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Hey Dude, Where's my car??

Careful, its a bit naughty towards the end

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A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.
He shouts 'this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!', and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.
As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava.
The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.
'Did anybody else here see my face?'
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter
and goes over and shoots him in the head also.
'Did anybody else see my face?' he shouts again, waving his gun around.
There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner.
'I think my missus caught a glimpse....'

thanks Chris B
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