232
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Two secretaries were talking about their work.
“I used to have that problem too, but no more,” her blonde friend said.
Your survival hinges on the rope staying intact,
Get the Lion to Sing Happy Birthday.
Post a Comment
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Giant spiders invade Australian Outback town
The giant tarantula caught in Queensland this week.
The spiders have been pushed out of their natural habitat by heavy rain
Sophie Tedmanson in Sydney
Australia is known around the world for its large and deadly creepy crawlies,
but even locals have been shocked by the size of the giant venomous spiders
that have invaded an Outback town in Queensland.
Scores of eastern tarantulas, which are known as “bird-eating spiders”
and can grow larger than the palm of a man’s hand,
have begun crawling out from gardens and venturing into public spaces in Bowen,
a coastal town about 700 miles northwest of Brisbane.
Earlier this week locals spotted an Australian tarantula wandering towards
a public garden in the centre of town where people often sit for lunch.
They called in a pest controller,
but not before using a can of insect spray to paralyse the spider.
Audy Geiszler, who runs Amalgamated Pest Control in Bowen,
said that the spider was a large male with powerful long fangs
and was so big that when he placed it – dead –
in the palm of his hand its legs hung over his fingers.
Mr Geiszler said that he had been inundated with calls from worried locals
reporting sightings of the giant tarantulas,
which have been pushed out of their natural habitat over the past month
by heavy, unseasonal rain.
"There have been a number of reports.
It's not plague proportions but a number have been spotted around the district,”
Mr Geiszler told The Times today
shortly after receiving a call from a resident who had spotted another spider
on the outskirts of town.
While not deadly like other Australian spiders,
the eastern tarantulas are venomous and can grow up to 6cm (2.4in) long
with a leg span of 16cm (6.3in).
Despite their common name, they do not eat birds,
but can kill a dog with one bite, and make a human very sick.
They are also known as whistling or barking spiders
for the hissing noise they emit
when they are disturbed or aggravated at close range.
Mr Geiszler said that they were common in the east of Australia,
but usually kept out of the way and lived under mulch and logs
and in natural rocky outcrops.
“I’ve warned folks around here to make sure they wear shoes and gloves
when they are gardening at the moment
as it can be a very nasty bite,” he said.
Asked what he would do with the giant spider he caught this week,
Mr Geiszler said: “I think I’m going to mount this one in acrylic to show people
how big it is.
It’ll make a great paperweight.”
Post a Comment
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Don't you just love it when service men enjoy themselves
Croatia, Albania, somewhere near Romania
It's Euro, and NATO, why the hell do we go
Pristinia, blew up, huh? Head for Macedonia
I'll race ya...
Somewhere far overseas
There's a place called Kosovo
That's where you don't want to go
If you're Albanian at all
Protecting human rights
Air strikes and firefights
And we'll be dropping our bombs
Wherever Serbian bad guys hide
Just up from Kosovo
Somalia, Grenada,
Or rescuing Kuwait-a
We screwed ya Rwanda
Wish we coulda helped ya
Iraqi embargo
That's where we got hustled
Ooo so now we're helping out in Kosovo
We'll kiss some ass and then we'll see how it goes
And then we really don't know
Good luck to Kosovo Mi-lo-se-vic
You sorry son of a bitch
Every time we go
To little places like Kosovo
We never really know
What happens after we go
Tough luck for Kosovo
Croatia, Albania, somewhere near Romania
It's Euro, and NATO, why the hell do we go
Pristinia, blew up, huh? Head for Macedonia
Oooo from Macedonia down to Kosovo
We'll kick their ass and then we'll see how it goes
And then we really don't know
That sucks for Kosovo Somalia, Grenada,
Or rescuing Kuwait-a
We screwed ya Rwanda
Wish we coulda helped ya Iraqi embargo
How it ends we don't know...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Queen and the Pope
The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony,
beaming at the thousands of people in the courtyard below.
The Queen said to the Pope out of the side of her mouth,
"I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd
go wild with just a wave of my hand."
The Pope replied, "No way! You can't do that."
The Queen said, "Watch this!"
So, the Queen waved her hand and every English person in the crowd went crazy,
waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and cheering like mad.
The Pope was standing there thinking,
"Oh no, what am I going to do? I never thought she'd be able to do it."
He thought to himself for a minute, and then turned to her and said,
"I bet you I can make every Irish person in the crowd go wild.
Not just now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head."
The Queen replied, "No way, it can't be done."
So, the Pope head-butted her.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Forget Elvis!! This is Big Mama Thornton
Listen to this and you will know where Janis Joplin
got her inspiration from
Post a Comment
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Heres an Aussie version of a classic oldie
Mick attended his 4 wheel drive clubs monthly meeting
and had just told them he couldn't make the upcoming annual Innamincka trip
because his missus wouldn't let him go.
After copping "the under the thumb remarks and other derisive remarks",
Mick left to go back home to the missus.
Later when Mick's mates started arriving to set up camp at
Innamincka common the following week,
who should be there but Mick sitting up in front of the Cooper,
swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand,
and the camp oven roast stewing away in a hot bed of Coolabah coals.
"Geez how did ya talk ya missus into letting you come here Mick?" they asked.
"I didn't have to," was Mick's reply,
"When I left the meeting last week I went home disappointed
and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows.
Suddenly the missus snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said,
'Surprise'.
"When I peeled her hands back there she was standing there
in a beautiful see through negligee and she said,
'Carry me into the bedroom and tie me to the bed
and you can do what ever you want."
SO HERE I AM
Thanks Geoff
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The World's First Flying Hotel!
The Hotelicopter features 18 luxuriously-appointed rooms.
Each soundproofed room is equipped with a queen-sized bed, fine linens,
a mini-bar, coffee machine, wireless internet access etc.
Room service is available one hour after liftoff and prior to landing.
The vehicle meets all safety, operating, and maintenance requirements outlined
by the FAA in the CFR (Code of Federal Regulations) relating to transport category rotorcraft.
The Hotelicopter is modeled on the Soviet-made Mil V-12, of which there were only two prototypes ever made.
The Mil V-12 took its first flight in Russia in 1968
and was awarded numerous world records, which it still holds today.
The vehicle also earned the prestigious Sikorsky Prize awarded
by the American Helicopter Society for outstanding achievements in helicopter technology.
The Hotelicopter Company purchased one of these prototypes
from the Mikhail Leontyevich Mil helicopter plant in Panki-Tomilino, Russia in 2004
and have been engineering the world’s first flying hotel ever since.
In addition to extending the helicopter’s body to accommodate an extra floor,
we’ve added four GEnx turbofan engines,
each featuring a thrust range of 75,000 pounds,
and energy-efficient aerodynamic modifications that cut
fuel consumption over 22% on long hauls.
The Hotelicopter is a giant leap forward in aviation history.
Hotelicopter Specs
Dimensions Length: 42 m (137 ft)
Height: 28m (91 ft)
Maximum Takeoff Weight: 105850 kg (232,870 lb)
Maximum speed: 255 km/h (137 kt) (158 miles/h)
Cruising speed: 237 km/h (127 kt) (147 miles/h)
Original Mi Range: 515 km (320 mi)
Our augmented Mi Range - 1,296 km (700 mi)
Thanks Gordon
Post a Comment
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
OK!!!
Whilst trolling around You Tube I came across one of my all time favourite songs
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
·Intelligence:
Confusing New Zealanders since MDCCLXXVI
Cartoons...........Global Warming
Post a Comment
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Good Engrish!!!
ie.A Paper found that Sunshine causes Wedgies in Politicians so Just don't over do it
More Crack!!!!!!
Do the world a fovour.Turn off the light
Smile!!!
2 comments:
World's First Flying Hotel - Hotelicopter Hoax
April Fool's joke and marketing campaign
Check out:http://www.hoax-slayer.com/hotelicopter-hoax.shtml
Thanks for that Anon
Posted in the name of Phun
Must admit it did look a bit sus when Gordon sent it to me
For now only we know!!!!
Cheers
Post a Comment