Friday, May 29, 2009


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Dean Martin and the Andrew Sisters 1966

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The two men stood on the lonely lighthouse.
Through the fog they could see a small boat making its way toward them,
with a lonely occupant.
Suddenly a squall lifted the craft and tossed the man into the water!
They sprang into action.
Hurriedly they launched their own craft
and fought theirway through perilous and treacherous waters to reach the man.
At last they got him aboard.
"It's a good thing you rescued me," the dripping man said gratefully.
"I was coming out to see you about your income taxes."

Frog Leap Test...Can it be done???

Here is a little 'test' that is (supposedly) part of a second grade Computer class in China .
Some figure it out right away.
Others report having to work on it for a week (or more) to solve it.

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This guy says to his buddy,
'You'll never believe what happened last night.'
His buddy says, 'Well then, tell me what happened.'
The guy says, 'Last night the doorbell rang,
and when I opened the door
there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch.
'She said, 'Can I stay here for a few days?'
I said, 'Of course, you can,'
and shut the door.'


Spruce up your wedding New Zealand style

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A woman was in the maternity ward just after giving birth,
the doctor said to her
''your child is a wee bit different''
''What do you mean, what's wrong''
''well it a hermaphrodite''
what in the name of god is that'' she gasped
''Well basically it's got the organs of both male and female''
The woman looked puzzled and said
''what,........ you mean it's got a dick .....and a brain''
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Johnny Cash

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A test to see if your brain is still working.?
Which one is the Blonde

Scroll down to see if you got it right???

The Blonde is the one
With the wrong leg up
.Did you pass the test ?
And did you care
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News reported today that the Taliban are using sheep to detect mines.
They send them into a field
and if they're blown up, they have dinner.
If they make it through alive,
they have a date.
Works perfectly


At the retreat, Sam and Samantha
were told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.
'Samantha wrote:
'When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love
with one another to a high degree
and that they respect each other very much,
just like Sam and I,
it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage
in the act physical sex with one another.'
And Sam wrote:
'I love sex.'
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Back in the glorious days of luxury train travel,
Luigi and his new bride,
Virginia, honeymooned in Florida by train.
Upon his return, Luigi stopped by the Italian-American Club in his old neighborhood
and all his friends wanted to hear the details about his trip.
Luigi said, “Ever’thing was’a perfect except for da train ride’a down.
That train has’a too many rules!”
“What’a you mean, Luigi?” asked a friend
.“Well, it’sa like ‘dis. We board’a da train atta Grand Central Station.
My beautiful’a Virginia had packed a big’a basket a food an’ vino an’ cigars for da trip. Ever’thing was okay until we got’a hungry
and I opened up’a Virginia’s lunch’a basket.
The conductor come by, wagged his’a finger at us and’a say,
‘No eat in dese’a car. Must’a use’a dining car.’
So, me and my Virginia we go to da dining car,
eat our big’a lunch and open’a our bottle of vino.
Conductor come again, wag his’a finger and say,
‘No drink’a in dese’a car. Must’a use’a club’a car.’
So we go to club’a car.
While we drink da vino, I light’a my big’a cigar.
An’ don’cha know that same conductor came by again,
waggin’ his a’finger and say, ‘No smoke’a in dese’a car.
Must’a go to smoker car.
’So we go to da smoker car and I smoke’a my cigar.
Later, my beautiful Virginia and I,
we go to our sleeper car and’a we go to bed.
And we were just about to have’a sex
when that conductor come’a through yelling,
‘No’folk’a, Virginia!’”

stolen from Sandee@Comedy Plus
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Phils Philosophy

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All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at


jdg1956 said...

Ah, the oldies but goodies. Thanks, Phil

Sandee said...

I stole the 'love' and 'sex' one. Bwahahahaha. Sounds about right to me. I gave you credit as always.

Glad you liked the Virginia one. That was a real knee slapper.

Have a terrific day and weekend Phil. :)

Anonymous said...

This one has so many punctuation and capitalization errors that you should consider taking the time to proof your jokes so that you don't perpetuate illiteracy...

A woman was in the maternity ward just after giving birth, the doctor said to her, ''Your child is a wee bit different.''

''What do you mean, what's wrong.''

''Well it is a hermaphrodite.''

"What in the name of God is that?'' she gasped.
''Well basically it's got the organs of both male and female.''

The woman looked puzzled and said, ''What,........ you mean it's got a dick .....and a brain?''

Phils Phun said...

G'day JPG
Happy to oblige

Phils Phun said...

G'day Sandee
No worries
Yes, the Virginia one was very funy

Phils Phun said...

G'day Anon
Sorry about that
Will try and lift my game

Dalton J. Fox said...

That piano thing was simply awesome.

Phils Phun said...

G,day Dalton
Yeh , it wasn't bad eh!
Pretty neat footwork