Tuesday, August 18, 2009

252


More pictures



OK. thats it no more pictures
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Mattress Dominoes
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Brad had a blind date with Ashley for the prom and,
as the evening progressed, he found himself attracted to her more and more.
After the prom he drove to a secluded spot and parked.
After some really passionate embracing, he persuaded her to move into the backseat.
When things got heated up again he said,
"Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That's something I have never done before,"
Ashley replied."Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?"
Brad was amazed.
"No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never objected!"
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CANADA








No Canadians











You're Canadian if:
You know how to pronounce and spell Saskatchewan without blinking
You put on shorts as soon as it hits plus 10, even if there is still snow around
You know what a tuque (toque?) is
You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada
You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers
Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway
You drive on a highway, not a freeway
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is
You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."
You drink pop, not soda
You love your fries with poutine
You go to the washroom, not the restroom or bathroom
Someone accidently stepped on your foot. You apologize.
You stepped on someone's foot. You apologize, then apologize for making them apologize
You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time
"Eh" is a very important part of your vocabulary and you understand all the 1,000 different meanings of "eh", eh?


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Dusty Springfield
Dusty Springfield - Wishin' And Hopin
'Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying
Planning and dreaming each night of his charms
That won't get you into his arms
So if you're looking to find love you can share
All you got to do is hold him and kiss him and love him And show him that you care
Show him that you care just for him
Do the things he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him, '
cause You won't get him Thinking and a-praying, wishing and a-hoping
'Cause wishing and hoping and thinking and praying
Planning and dreaming his kisses will start
That won't get you into his heart
So if you're thinking of how great true love is
All you got to do is hold him and kiss him and squeeze him and love him
Yeah, just do it
And after you do, you will be his
You got to show him that you care just for him
Do the things he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him, '
cause You won't get him Thinking and a-praying, wishing and a-hoping
'Cause wishing and hoping and thinking and praying
Planning and dreaming his kisses will start
That won't get you into his heart
So if you're thinking of how great true love is
All you got to do is hold him and kiss him and squeeze him and love him
Yeah, just do it
And after you do,
you will be his
You will be his
You will be his
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1. Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
•2. Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
• 3. Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
•4. Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
•5. Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you're late for work because you had a flat tire,
the next morning you will have a flat tire.
• 6. Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
• 7. Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
(Thisalso rings true of sitting on the can)
•8. Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
• 9. Law ofthe Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
•10. Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
•11. Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
•12. The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do
something which will last until the coffee is cold.
• 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they'll have adjacent lockers.
•14. Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering
are directly correlated to the newness and cost of thecarpet/rug.
•15. Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
•16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
• 17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet
.• 18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
• 19. Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor,
by the time you get there you'll feel better.
Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick. ain't it the truth !!! :)
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CARTOONS

















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Q: Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
A: Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

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Dean Martin


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Morris and his wife were vacationing in Hawaii
when a violent earthquake occurred at 3 AM.
As soon as morning came,
the man went down to the hotel lobby to read the newspaper about what had happened.
As he was reading the newspaper,
a local gentlemen stepped up and asked him if he had felt the earthquake during the night.
"I sure did. My wife and I are here on vacation from the mainland,
and I have felt other earthquakes,
but I have never felt a quake like that one, it was terrible.
I thought the building was going to come down on us."
The guy asks, "What were you doing during the earthquake?"
"Gee, I was having the best sexual performance of my life
as that earthquake was happening."
"Is that right?"
"And what did your wife think about it?"
Morris said, "Well, it damn near woke her up!"

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What Can I say??


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Phils Philosophy



This is what’s wrong with the world.
Everything is explained now.
We live in an age when you say casually to somebody
‘What’s the story on that?’
and they can run to the computer and tell you within five seconds.
That’s fine, but sometimes I’d just as soon continue wondering.
We have a deficit of wonder right now.
Tom Waits
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When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.

My wife and I married for better or worse. She couldn't do better. I couldn't do worse.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
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Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.





6 comments:

Sandee said...

I loved the mattress one. That was downright clever.

Have a terrific day Phil. :)

DUKE said...

Thanx for reminding me of the Butchart Gardens. One of the most beautiful experiences of my life. Hope it was the same for you.


love

Phils Phun said...

Hi Sandee
Yes that was pretty cool
and well done
Cheers

Phils Phun said...

Hi Duke
The Gardens were magnificent and definitely one of the highlights of my trip
Take care
Phil

David said...

All that stuff about "You're a Canadian if...." is completely true. But one does not eat fries WITH poutine, they are part of the poutine. Didn't you have any Phil?

Phils Phun said...

G'day David
Can't say that I did try any.
In fact I had to look it up to see what it was.
I believe it is more popular in the eastern part of Canada, and I was only in BC and Alberta;
It sounds similar to what we call a "floater", which is a meat pie in a plate of gravy [brown]
Cheers