Sunday, September 6, 2009

258

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It's Fathers Day in Australia

whilst in the States its Labor Day Weekend

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Mink Coat
"Watching her mother as she tries on her new mink coat,
the daughter protests,
“Mom, do you realize some poor, dumb beast suffered so you could have that coat?”
Her mother glares back at her and growls...
“Don’t you dare talk about your father that way!”

stolen from...Slavenka and Obi
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Ideal Fathers Day


I miss him, my old man



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Missing hubbyJudy calls the police station and says,
"My hubby is missing."
The officer asks, "How long has he been gone?"
"A month."
"Why did you wait so long to report it?"
"Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream."

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Safety Innovation of the week

Thanks Peter H

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True or not - It would be good if it actually happened this way !
This Ad Was Posted to Craig's List Personals:
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 A M EST.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over,
shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend,
threatening our lives and me.
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.
I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol
after you took my Jacket.
The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.
My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday,
and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very Intimidating weapon when pointed at your head wasn't it?
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from bare footed
since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me.
[That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell,
I explained the entire episode of what you'd done.
Then I Went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's
in the gas station on your credit card.
The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s,
along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ...
after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone.
Ma Bell just now shut down the line,
although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that?
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office
and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat
(I guess while he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ..
. but I feel this type of retribution is a far more
appropriate punishment for your threatened crime.
I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues,
and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon,
and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.
Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

Thanks David J
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Precious Memories


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And the answer is!!!!!



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In the bible
An out-of-towner becomes friendly with Thelma, the wait-ress in his hotel coffee shop,
and invites her up to his room.
She is indignant.
The guy says, "Don't get excited. This is all in theBible."
Thelma is appeased, and after her shift they go out and have a few drinks.
Again the man invites her up to his room, and again she is angry.
The man explains, "It's in the Bible."
An hour later they're in the guy's hotel room and he suggests they undress
and have some fun.
He assures Thelma that it isn't sinful since it's in the Bible.
"Where?" she says.
"Where does it say that?"
Taking the Bible from the hotel nightstand,
he opens itto the front cover where someone has written,
"Thelma the waitress is a great lay."

stolen from.... Slavenka and Obi
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Cartoons.....Computers and the Internet




























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Mother and Daughter


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There are two pairs of feet in this picture
Take it anyway you wish!!!
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An Oldie but a Goldie
Therapy
Two women were playing golf.
One teed off and watched in horror as her
ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands togethe at his groin,
fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.
"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist
and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.
"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position,
still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help
She gentlytook his hands away and laid them to the side,
loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked,
"How does that feel?"
He replied: "It feels great,
but I think my thumb's still broken!"

Thanks Duke
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Don't think this a real picture
Looks photo shopped !!!


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It's a Juke Box!
Click on any year and a Juke Box pops up with 20 hits of that year!
1979 JuKeBoX

and a lot more!!!

Thanks Liz

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY




Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.






2 comments:

archiearchive said...

I am burglarizing the juke boxes. What a wonderful find.

Oh, and welcome back from the wilds of the bottom of the world!

Phils Phun said...

No worries mate.
Let me buy you a beer the next time your in the city
Cheers