259


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Go Canada

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Two gay guys are walking through a zoo.

They come across the gorilla and notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection

The gay men are fascinated by this.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer and he reaches into the cage to touch it.

The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for six hours, non-stop,

while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by....

When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage.

An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks,

"Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT?" he shouts,

"Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called.... he hasn'twritten....."

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Lee Hazelwood

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Complicated concept

One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.

A pre-med student rudely interrupted,demanding,

"Why do we have to learn all this stuff?"

"To save lives," the professor responded quickly, and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again.

"So, how exactly does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the idiots out of medical school," replied the professor.

Now if we only had something to keep the idiots out of LAW School.

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Political Dunny

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Her Maj....Queen Lizzie

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There once was a yellow frog and all the other frogs used to tease him.

So, one day he went to an old witch and asked if she could change him to green.

The witch said she could and she said the magic words.

The frog was green!

But when the frog looked down he said, "Witch, my pri-vate parts are still yellow!"

The witch said, "I don't do private parts; you'll haveto go to my sister down the road."

And so off the frog went.

Later that day a blue deer came to ask the witch to change him to brown.

The witch did.

Then he too saw that his private parts were blue.

"What about my private parts?"

The witch told him to go to his sister's house and she'd change his private parts to brown.

The deer said, "I'm not very good with directions. How doI get there?"

The witch said, "Oh that's easy, just follow the yellow dicked toad!"

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Did you ever wonder why you never see dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?
Ever wonder where they go?

Wonder no more.

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird

which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguins have a very strong community bond.

They are very committed to their family and will mate for life.

They also maintain a form of compassionate contact with their offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface,

other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice,

using their vestigial wings and beaks,

until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the freshly dug grave and sing...
"freeze a jolly good fellow." ...

thanks Don H

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The Hawking Brothers were big in Australia in the 70's

This was their biggest hit



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We all know that an optimistic would see half full glass of water,

while a pessimist would see a half empty one.

What would people of different professions and walks of life say?

A Banker would say that the glass has just under 50% of its net worth in liquid assets.
The Government would say that the glass is fuller than if the opposition party were in power.
The Opposition party would say that it is irrelevant because the present administration has changed the way such volume statistics are collected.
The Economist would say that, in real terms, the glass is 25% fuller than at the same time last year.
The Philosopher would say that, if the glass was in the forest and no one was there to see it, would it be half anything?
The Psychiatrist would ask, "What did your mother say about the glass?"
The Physicist would say that the volume of this cylinder is divided into two equal parts;

one a colorless, odorless liquid, the other a colorless, odorless gas.

Thus the cylinder is neither full nor empty. Rather, each half of the cylinder is full, one with a gas, one with a liquid.
The Seasoned Drinker would say that the glass doesn't have enough (or too much) ice in it.


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Todays Cartoons....A mixed Bag

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Wedding reception

At his wedding reception, the young groom's granddad

congratulated his grandson and said:

"The secret toenjoying a long and happy marriage,

is to listen to each other at all times, respect each other's wishes and to try

and have sex in moderation.

That way, your marriage will last as long as your grandma's and mine has."

Thanking him for his advice, the grandson said:

"What'ssex like then when you get older, granddad?"

His granddad looked at his grandson, smiled and said:

"Just like trying to play pool with a piece of rope!"

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Humpty Dumpty

.......


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We haven't had any Bear pictures for awhile

stolen from......Archies Archive

Suicidal Teddy

G'day Mate..Fancy a swim

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Some silliness............
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It

.2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way

.3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?

They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quattro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?

!The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack , Dang!A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack .

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.

23. Whats a Kennedy Brother's Cocktail?

Two shots and a splash.

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY
Some Days are Diamonds

Some days are Stone



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Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.