303

On February 9th 1981 we lost Bill Haley



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Cute picture !!!!!

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A US Air Force C-130 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland, at midnight.

During the pilot's preflight check

, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight.

So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty

is called out to take care of it.
The young man finally gets to the air base

and makes his way to the aircraft only to find that the latrine pump truck

has been left outdoors and is frozen solid,

so he must find another one in the hangar,

which takes even more time.

He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do

. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately

and carefully (and slowly) so as not to risk criticism later.
As he's leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says

, 'Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late

and I'm going to personally see to it that you

are not just reprimanded but punished.'

Shivering in the cold, his task finished,

he takes a deep breath, stands tall and says,

'Sir, with all due respect,

I'm not your son; I'm an Airman in the United States Air Force

. I've been in Thule, Greenland,

for 11 months without any leave,

and reindeers' asses a
re beginning to look pretty good to me,

I have one stripe;

it's 2:30 in the morning,

the temperature is 40 degrees below zero,

and my job here is to pump shit out of an aircraft

. Now, just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?'

pinched from Mostly Safe for Work

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Sign of things to come

For all you seniors

seen over at Miss Cellania
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Old watering hole

It was a typical night at the old watering hole

. Jim walked in, took his seat at the bar and ordered a tall one

.Then Jim told his buddy,

Bill, "I called the local insane asylum yesterday to check on

who has escaped from there recently.

"Confused by his buddy's comment,

Bill asked, "Oh? Why were you wondering about that?"

Jim explained, "Well, somebody married my ex-wife last week."

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Those funny animals

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A missionary comes to a remote village in Africa

and finds that all the men there had more than one wife.

Some of them had even four or five.

The missionary addresses the men and says,

"You are violating a law of God.

Man can only have one wife, so you must go and tell all the women,

except for one, that they can no longer consider you their husbands and live here."

The men consult among themselves for a while,

then the village Chief says.

"We'll wait here. YOU go and tell them."

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REQUEST TIME

For Esther in Kalgoorlie

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A woman walks into a vet's waiting room, dragging a wet rabbit on a leash.
"Sit, Fluffy," she says.
Fluffy glares at her and then the soaking-wet rabbit

jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.
"I said sit, Fluffy!" the woman shouts

. "Don't you want to be a good little rabbit?"
Apparently not, because Fluffy,

still wet, jumps onto the floor shakes furiously,

spraying water on everyone

and then proceeds to squat and urinate,

right there in the middle of the room.
"Dammit, Fluffy!" the woman screams,

and then, mortified by Fluffy's behavior,

she turns to the other people in the room and says,

"Please forgive me,
I've just washed my hare, and I can't do a thing with it!"

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Many years ago there was a small town that had several bakeries.

One of these was run by the aunts of a man named Penn.

He and his aunts baked the best pies in the state.

Not only that, but they were also the least expensive.

Now the other bakers could make equally delicious pies,

but Penn always sold more,

for no one could beat the 'pie rates of Penn's aunts'.

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Signs your life is about to change
10. While watching the news, you spot your spouse marching in a Gay Pride parade.
9. The bank notifies you that your paycheck has bounced.
8. On a densely foggy morning, while driving in the center lane of a highway,

you suddenly run out of gas.
7. You arrive at your wedding to find, two ushers

, four bridesmaids and six pallbearers.
6. You ask your doctor for a physical and he replies,

"I'm sorry, I don't do autopsies."
5. The IRS invites you to a weenie-roast

and the invitation begins with, "Dear Weenie. . "
4. While surfing the internet, you suddenly get the following dialogue box:

ICBM launch successful. Confirm strike? (Y/N)
3. You hear that your dentist has been arrested

for using radioactive material as tooth-filling.
2. At the vacant house next door,

you notice a U-Haul van and a truck which looks similar to the ones on

oldBeverly Hillbillies TV show.
1. Your twelve year old daughter suddenly develops a craving for pickles and ice cream.


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For the Men



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click to enlarge


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The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max,

invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.

On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's Office

and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen

were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry

since the electric starter

.Henry was curious and invited them into his office.

They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car,

which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner,

and cooled the car off immediately.

.The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office,

where he offered them $3 million for the patent

.The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million,

but they wanted the recognition by having a label,

'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner, ' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed

.Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic,

and there was no way he was going to put the

Goldberg's name on two million Fords

.They haggled back and forth for about two hours

and finally agreed on $4 Million

and that just their first names would be shown

.And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show --

Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max --on the controls.


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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

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