327

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For all those Roy Orbison fans

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An Indian, an Arab, and a hot gorgeous blonde girl are in the same bar.

When the Indian finishes his beer,

he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol,

and shoots the glass to pieces.

He says, 'In India ,

our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer,

throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.

He says, 'In the Arab World,

we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink

with the same one twice either.'

The blonde girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer,

Downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45,

and shoots the Indian and the Arab.

Catching her glass, setting it on the bar,

and calling for a refill, she says,

'In Australia we have so many illegal immigrants

that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.''

thanks Gordon H

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Trainspotting Idiot



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An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog.
His search ended when he found a dog that could
actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.
Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him
.He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his
, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by.
They fired, and a duck fell.
The dog responded and jumped into the water.
The dog, however,
did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird,
never getting more than his paws wet
.The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend
, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?”
I sure did,” responded his friend.
“He can’t swim.

---------------

1. " How do you know a womans has been woking at a computer"

" How"

2..".There's whiteout on the Screen"

3..."You mock the half of humanity that makes

your graceless existence bearable"

4.."Men should pause for one moment

and take another long hard look at the very thing

that brings meaning to their meaningless lives"

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Star Trek Sex compilation

stolen from Miss Cellania

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Those Funny Animals

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Angelina says:

“Your honor, we beena marry 25 years ana Giuseppi he always picka his nose

ana when we maka love he a never letsa me on topa.

I justa canna taka dis nomore.”
The judge listens solemnly and then addresses Giuseppi

. “Giuseppi, is disa true? You always a picka your nose

and you never let Angelina on top??

What have you gotta say fora yourself?”
Giuseppi says: “Well your honor, itsa true.

I picka my nose a lot and, yeah, Angelina,

I tella her she’sa gotta be onna da bottom.

Itsa all go’s aback to when I’mma a younga boy.

My poppa, he’s a very smarta man.

I always do ev’ryting he’sa say.

My poppa one day he says,

“Giuseppi, I gotta tella you da two main secrets ofa hava successful life:

Number one, you always keepa your nose clean.

Ana number two, never screw up

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Blast From the Past




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A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor.
She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down.
He gets out his light and says, “Open wide.”
“I can’t” replies the blonde, “the chair’s fitted with arms.”




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Deserted

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A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course

became confused as to where he was on the course.

Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him.

He walked up to her, explained his confusion

and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

'I'm on the 7th hole,' she replied, 'and you are a hole behind me

. So you must be on the 6th hole.'

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened

and he approached her again with the same request.

'I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind,

so you must be on the 13th hole.'

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse

where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar.

He asked the bartender if he knew the lady.

The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said,

'Let me buy you a drink in appreciation foryour help.

I understand that you're in the sales profession.

I'm in sales also. What do you sell?'

'I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh,' she replied.

'No, I won't.'

'Well, if you must know,' she answered,

'I work for Tampax.'

With that, he laughed so hard he lost his balance and fell off the barstool.

'See,' she said. 'I knew you'd laugh!'

'That's not what I'm laughing at,' he replied,

'I'm a salesman for Preparation H,

so I'm still a hole behind you.'

thanks Don H

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Dog Sledding

[Love this and could watch it all day long]




thanks Liz Z

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Diana Trask and Johnny Cash






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An elderly couple after long dating period decided to get married

.For pre-wedding settlement on finances,

cost contribution, memories of prior spouses etc.

they went to candle light dinner in a fine restaurant.

Topic now was on their physical relationship

.‘How do you feel about sex?’ old dirty man had to ask.
‘Well,’ she said, responding thoughtfully not to turn away the opportunity

,‘I’d have to say – I would like it infrequently.

‘The puzzled old man looked her in the eye and asked

“I’d have to ask –

Is that ‘in-frequently’ one word or two


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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

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